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M*Ber Dream

Ever-Finding The Way

  • Illusions of Heart?

    Diffuse the sound
    Let it all go
    Expand the melody
    Separate and fall
    Lose control
    Meloncholic remedy
    Brace for it all

    Melted wax once Candlelight within
    in the comfort of the vastness of night
    as all that sought to once destroy us
    dissolved in a moment
    Erased of meaning
    as Now Here we sit
    Room
    World
    Now bright

    Erupted molten emotion
    Peaks of mountains arise
    Electric spark
    the pinch of a fingerprick
    Ocean avenue
    Harmonic resonance
    all in shades of blue

    I call upon my Father and I ask for the rose instead of the thorns and my hand grasps His offering and blood soon flows


    I call upon my Father and I plead for the sun and all that is Light while at the same time, I fall down and lay silent, paralyzed in such a way I hear not His voice, I see not His eyes, I feel not His hand nor His embrace.


    I call again on my Father and I sing with tears in my eyes all amidst what is heavy voice cracks and my Heart it begins to lack its shimmer and each beat begins to soften more and fade on out though in what is the more deepening and deafening silence, I begin to see sparks though at the same time it presented itself as overwhelming.


    I call again on my Father and with a heart that is bringing about each beat by resucitation and electric shock, I come to find a pain that I had not known prior nor ever before and I feel abandoned all the more.


    I finally one day come to a place where all is silent yet, beautiful too, and despite the pain I find that now engulfs me, I start to notice a pattern in the overflow, a pattern in the waves…a current that softly continues to build up and wreck against me, leaving me scarred yet, the scar tissue seema to be becoming a sense of armour, a protective centerfold.


    I call again out to my Father and in my ever-moving dive into what has been silence and an oddly comforting numb, I feel all the more the strings starting to be plucked within me, a prayer, a song.


    I begin to see fragments of cracked light come together and shatter again, I begin to see the vividness of colors melt on over me as though a vanilla sunrise. I see piece after piece once broken come to shine and echo through the spaces of time, in delight, in rays after rays that delightfull open up and bring me into a comfort that I have never known.


    It is here and now that my calls out for God begin to lessen as I talk with Him in most every moment and more just as friend pulling up a chair or living next door. My walk becomes more steadfast and fulfilling at the same time though my paths weave in and out through the darkest of caves and highest descents, I find my face a glow with a smirk in the face of all that ihas been and remains adversity knowing that I never have been nor do I remain alone as surrounded by Him I am and here in softness, I am home.

    Lace your eyes with shimmer haze, take a peek and now gaze upon a world fired up, ablaze.

    Here, I sit and wait. on the cusp of 21 years now, absent in the brightness that so many have attached to what they call their fate. I peer on out and see that all remains desolate, with no hope to inspire anything new as all the times before I have crashed and burned but I found I now have a clear view.

    I have been left with a diminished view on what this world can offer me, very much knowing that none of it is true though so many cling to the illusions and all that seems to be as doors remain closed and leave us wanting to fight for any kind of control.


    I sit here and though I have found a comfort and a peace, in times when I come to face and interact with others, my book opens and though my voice trembles and at times my words fall out amid a stutter, my heart either goes rhythmic in a pace too fast to hold or falls to silence as in His hands, I allow as He takes hold.

    I know that to dream is to reach the Breath Within, though in order to do-so, to tap into this life-force, this God-given salve, we are to let go of the reigns of any and every way we think we want our path to go or how we think we are to receive it and even how we think it is to look. We are to allow the dream to flow to us and in turn we accept it with an open door and open arms, unconditionally in what is our duty to not question the why nor the how.

    It is not our duty to look it over and question how it came or how it may had been delayed or if we are even worthy of its knock upon our door. We are not to question the rush that may sweep us up in the moment the dream arrives in the moments that our fire rages on for it, as we are to just trust that all is part of God’s plan and keep that door open and listen to the voice that is God on the steps to take next.


    We are not asked to recognize the face of the dreams that come nor are we expected to understand what they hold for us and what is our path, we are merely required to just open the door and sit with the moment of reverie, allow ourselves vulnerable for each extending branch to reach out and pierce whatever part of us it so decides as in which we may not feel so much exhiliration, nor even pleasure, nor even euphoric high… we may feel the stripping of what we hold onto as what we deem essential, we may feel loss and agony and even emptiness that reveal and in time start to overflow and attempt time and time again to drown us…send us to our demise yet, all throughout the seeming torture, we will come to find that elated peace within even when the outer walls of our reality keep on colapsing down.


    Dreams at times, we may feel are ours, but per our path, intended destination, and God’s plan, are not. Dreams are stories that spring open in us like books laid out upon the floor after tumbling from a shelf when the weakness of our personal earth begins to rattle and shake, a stirring that is to clear and remove all that is not to be part of us for the walk to come.

    Words and Pictures may lay out upon each page but that is all such remains untill we take what appears to us and from our attention and devotion make it real and in a way that is not of our own workings but through the leading of what God calls us to do all along the way.


    Dreams, they remain and yes, just as God, they sit silently by, awaiting for what is our open door and beginning embrace. Dreams they sit and wait for us as a gift from God and the truth is that the more we turn away from ourself and towards Him, we start to unlock all as if we hold a key.


    Dreams are what we make them and yes, we can pick and choose as we will, but to turn towards God is to unlock the depths of what is one’s truest path. Sure, pain shall remain and challenges too, but walking with and towards the Lord brings about a gift one never thought worthy enough to unlatch and bring as reality, true.


    Dreams within, Heaven sent, will continue to knock and knock again until the day one lays their self down, allows the pruning by His hand, and no longer fears the emptiness and aloneness, the silence, the stillness, being let in. Dreams will knock and break doors down to the extent that much of our human ability is spent, lost, and wrecked so much that we no longer have any way nor place to run but to endure the overwhelming presence of what is the greatest Love and the power to rise within.

    Just pondering some things and writing snippets of the same and many other things on this Sunday before I head out to pick up my daughter.


    An hour drive to ponder all the more dreams that continue to knock on my door and instead of trying to soundproof them out or continue to ask why,I finally must pull up a chair and invite them to sit as whether I understand or not, for some reason, the continued presence, the continued knocking, is a gift, Heaven Sent and the meaning will not be given to me unless I do.


    All in time, the unfolding will come and the big reveal for me will show on God’s timing, not my own. All meaning decoded and no longer having to search for God’s approval or any further clues shall pour on through. All is beautiful and wonderful even when chaos and pain stirs throughout all our walls, ones we built and ones the Lord threw up in order to protect us.


    Sometimes what we see as our greatest dreams are not good for us nor neccessary to what is to Be His Kingdom. We are not to fear but to trust In Him and all He has planned for us as oftentimes our dreams that we most often fear are the ones that are our destiny, our fate, what is to be our purpose in His Calling for us.


    All in God’s timing, not our own. This is the key to remember. The choice forever He bestows upon us leaving us with the simple effort of just calling out to Him and pulling up a chair after of course, we open the door.

    With Love,
    Cene
    MBerDream.Com

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  • All Rhymes, No Reason

    Tonight is one of those times where I am just sharing some things that have flowed lately and I am sure to ramble on soon after about something as I feel it tonight.

    Reminisce in time
    all I recall are the sparks
    open door
    slammed closed
    Buried alive

    From the deep
    there are stories that arise
    No light to shine
    Then in a moment
    The lightening struck and flames arose

    With blossoms falling
    Thorns laid out across the floor
    My heart it sings
    yet, the match is struck
    the burn leaves me to bleed
    oddly cold

    Voices that lull
    Whisper inside
    With melodies sung
    spoken
    in depth
    Laced with stars
    Revealing all the more
    Who we are

    Taken up in lavender
    yet, I choke
    suffocate as the scent is just too calm
    Brings me sorrow
    Aches my bones
    as I realize
    again
    the pureness that Is Heaven
    us humans would fear to tread
    sit with ourself
    spend
    as nothing would stir the dark in our heads

    I just feel like writing and I have no idea what to lay out here but I am just gonna go with it in whichever way I can. I am to allow the atmosphere to swallow me up and spit me out if it may, to not frown nor grind my teeth as it tears me piece by piece and bring me to another certain demise. I hope for, dang it… I pray for the melody of this heart to come to silence and take me away, part me in 2 and carve out in me a hollow place for which I can rest, lay.


    Been there, done that, moved along no time to question why.


    I pray for shadows to not stand by but take my hand and just try, to sway and bring me to dance by and by, with sighs that pour from me, I ask the dark to mesh with the light that beams and I call for a rhythm, an electric movement, a high.


    I pray for a life that I have dreamed and longed for but I am taken back as I know that my chance came with a knowing that this life shall never fully be mine, not of my choosing anyhow, never to question the why.


    I stand here for a purpose that I once thought was all my own, to excite myself in the feeling that I can write and sing and dance and be anything and everything that I desire…all I choose, yet, the reality, like waves again, pour on over me and crash and destroy the shores that I thought supported me.


    I lose more and more of what this time has become for me, all the pieces that I, with broken strings, wove all together only to stand confused as all fell apart time and time again. All the fires that came through and burned the remnants away, all the bones that vanished in the yard where my memories had been strewn across.


    Pages of this book, the ones I prayed for that came together with full mend have now broken apart and fallen down and not surprisingly set fire to self again, all story, line by line, bled out, ink upon each page drenched and now stained for badly there is no way to piece together and bring understanding of where I was together again.


    I prayed and I prayed for a melody to come on through and brighten the path that I had walked and ignite the feelings in me that all in a moment again began to lack. The silence I started to fear, the absence of presence of answers within, left me longing for clues to glue together once again., yet, here I remain, without a damn idea as to why.


    I sought the high but this new me is far from brave enough to sacrifice myself again for a moment of pleasure, or a moment of falling deeper to know again. I have a mission, soldier pinned, nut the recollection dwindles away the more I move towards whatever the damn hell I was sent to embrace in arms, hold, and show. I just know that I am to suck up the flood and no longer build the barrriers to letting all in. No material remains close enough to me for to even construct what many call as safety from a dam. I am set to withold and never destroy the promise I made to God..although as of today, I do not recall much of what that was promised anyways…it just lingers in me and controls my every move though I, myself, feel I have lost my way.


    Why can I not just have one who holds my hand and holds it close, another to share the essence of my reborn beats with, one to comoft me when all this world leaves me stripped? To have the one who has a heart that is different yet still soft like my own, a heart that knows God and continues to seek, a heart that listens deep and love is their speak.

    To have the comforts of all these storms that grow beside me, pulling me further down and stripping me further each moment from the person I learn I am only to become far more, as more of the parts that I took so long to find and recover again, fall away, break away, and light me afire again.


    Maybe, just maybe, I have come to the place that I need to be, No longer running, no longer fearing any part that I had been. Maybe I am here now in what God declares as the most important step to what is the glory of Him, the ever-now that He has saved for me and wants me fully and fearlessly present. Maybe I still have a lot to learn and only alone can I truly do-so, maybe this is the place I long ago should have come to listen to and truly hear the song that He has written just for me.


    For the first time in all these (very close to) 21 years, I find myself bored. It is funny as despite what many may think was brain damage and a depletion of the noises that filled me, my creativity has kept me company, just as the presence of God all along, even when I took the worst steps and continued to choose wrong…to turn each corner and stumble and fall, reach for broken lights only to be cut by the broken glass as if a rhyme:

    Reach for
    Bind
    Reach for
    Denied
    Reach for
    Bind
    Reach for
    Cut and Bled
    Broken Glass, every time

    There is something far greater than I here in this now and truly this makes me feel all the more alive as all of us here are truly asleep, comatose in our own little world though being told we are awake which is only a lie to keep us from walking the path of desined Kingdom Fate.


    I know now that I did not survive for myself in any way, nor any of what I had held close nor dreamt for myself. My surivival, my existence, truly has never been about me and I honestly feel this way about all of us.


    We live for one another but that is only a small part of the truth as well. We are born of greatness for a wonderful purpose that He had penned from the vey beginning all the way to its end which is truly the full awakening, the first true breath, the essence that is Eternity that shall never end.


    I have a purpose that expands beyond my ability to dream, to conjure up any world within the bounds of my imagination., the musings of my past in my attempts to try and bring about anything that was easier and greater than what He had planned out for me is just dang silly. I have a purpose that can never be defined by any beat of my heart as even this amazing life-serving muscle remains small compared to the breath that IS HIS and the vision he holds for not just me, but you as well. What is to come is far greater than any fantasy that has been bled out from our own pen.


    I can dance my steps in the ways that I choose, and I can choose the song that brings me to move, but the story that becomes, the story that falls from me in this moment, I have no control nor can I choose as all has a path that opens and unfolds in the perfection that only God can bring about and present as our moment, our night, our day, our destiny in all ways.


    I have had to give up a lot and a lot more than I ever felt I did or even knew to give thought to. I have lost but too I have gained, I have suffered but too I have thrived even if only in the moments I came to my knees and called out to Jesus and prayed.


    I want to be bitter, I want to be angry about how far I have come but truly in many ways feel I have not. I want to compare to my sister and her success, I want to question all the reasons why I was held back from my own, why my kids and I had to live a harder life and for what. I want to question again the ability that I had or better yet, lacked when I raised my son and now continue to care for my daughter and guide her to choosing her best way.


    How in the heck can I, who survived yet, only seemed to continue just that, instill in my daughter a better way? How can I still reach out and guide my son when I am not even sure he gained from me in any way, when now at a distant, life has seemed to rob me of guiding his hand?


    I am wrong. here. I am wrong as I am questioning mself again and the time I have spent. I am questioninn what I know as God’s plan.


    I have no right to question each breath that I have taken nor spent. I have no right to question the path set before me, nor the very steps that I feel I failed to take or even the ones I did. I have no right to question my ability to live nor my ability to make it through this time nor once again as every piece, every good and every bad, every breath, heart beat, and even anxiety that has arisen in me has been and remains all a part of who I am, who I am to be, and the life, this life, my life, His purpose for what we all seek.


    I have no right to question as I came face to face with God, He revealed all He could to me and I was to fulfill my promise to Him and walk these steps as He Now leads.


    We Feel, yes, but we must come to not fear and meet all that we feel. I have the weekend to myself and I wanted to pick myself up some lovely drink to well, bring out more of the dance in me tonight but in remembering that I am taking a lot of new supplements and such lately (thankfully my brain kicked in) that mixing such may not be a good idea so I am happy to say that I did not give in to my attempts at downfall again.


    This life is not about feeling it all as even I fooled myself into believing, we are to come to being ok in the silence, in the moments that we are without and alone and open ourselves to meeting with and facing the Lord as He remains by our side always.


    A lot is going on in my life again and again yet, at the same time much of nothing. The train of life is nonstop for us all truly but mine seems to derail often, yet, here I am standing wayside, confused and not really questioning why. The world is on the cusp of great change and our best to do is to become vulnerable and surrender to God and just allow the world to move in the ways that it may. We come to find and will further find that in doin-so, we will not see all diminish nor chaos subside (sometimes it increases) but we will find peace in all that we live and experience within and around us. This is God protecting us in all His ways.


    I lived such beauty when I came to what I call my death, my half-passing, my nde. I returned here with the idea that this place and all its people could be just as beautfiul but I was wrong again, even after facing God, I came back full of dreams incomparable to anything that He could bring to and provide for me. I slowly grew ignorant and thought I knew better and took a detour on the path of self creation and all along that path I came to find that I had lined every step with landmines.


    How could I fall again and again and why? How could I set myself up for such that was loss and well, seeming self sabotage when I had all of what I thought was the best of intentions?


    I thought I had God all along the way but I failed to upholld the part of my promise that was to keep Him and Him alone, front and center as only in doing-so could I walk this path in the way that was best for me and for the what Is His coming Kingdom.


    I wanted to bring Heaven to earth in a sense, I suppose, but that path has been written, that path was never mine to own. I, just as all of us, very much, have a role in bringing forth the magnificence that His Kingdom is To Be, but there is a path that we are to walk, not one that we desire nor carefully choose as every step Is Written in what is aboslute perfection and timing and we are to walk what is destined for all He Is to bring about.


    I ran and I ran so far away, fell down and got swept up in His arms where he kept me close and in my ear He whispered and did say, “You Are Worthy My Child and Loved and will hold a new fireceness and determination despite all the world throws your way and even without a softness surrounding you nor a smile to nurture you in any way, this path you shall stay as you know the Beauty, the Love, the True Eternity that such shall help to bring.”


    I know even though I may not understand any of what I am living nor have walked prior, even recently, that I do FEEL deep within me (in an entirely different way) that I am doing something right, that these latest steps, (though seeming few, and far from anything I have wanted) remain pretty much empty without any such return but hold a key to something that only He Knows as perfect and right on time for all that Is Life.


    I just know that all is going to work out (though not always without pain and loss) and I cannot explain it. I am not sure I am ready for my next steps nor what is to come nor what the destination shall be, but if I learned anything most worth sharing: God never waits for us to be ready, He moves us in the ways He seeks to when He deems it time.


    Haha. Not sure all I just wrote here but gonna shut off this perfection alert system and just share so I can watch my show “Firefly Lane.”


    Ok…my computer just started glitching and my word processor was acting up sending my cursor up, down, and all around across this page and trailing for plenty more. I could not get it to stop moving!


    I moved my keyboard off my laptop (it is wireless as my laptop one is broken) and I kept my hand from the mouse and the cursor continued to glitch on out. I finally was able to click on the screen and it remained still so I typed on my wordpad in the most kind way, “Get off my f*ing computer!” …and voila! It worked. lol


    Maybe I am losing it. Haha.


    I honestly have been doing much better lately, maybe I just had a glitch in my own system? Reboot successful.

    With Love,
    Cene
    MBerDream.Com

  • Begins Again

    To begin again….here and now…a rambling poetic something… no form…written in the way I read.

    Such is the rhythm
    Such are the hits
    Beats
    and melody too

    Complete

    Euphoric Sensation
    Broken Glass
    Heart in ruins
    Processing always the fine tune

    Such are moments
    Held close
    Silent
    or
    of Sound

    Heart Beat tourniquet
    Wires of Mind

    Sparks we risked, dared
    Spastic we find

    Euphoric Lift
    Shades of Blue
    Final Divide

    Such is the path
    Sorrowful Hemisphere
    Smiles lining the outer fields
    Flowers
    Petals all of Bloom
    Shriveled up
    Consumed

    Poppies of Essence
    Enthralled we become
    drawn
    As we walk
    no longer seeming small

    Such is the Space
    this Place
    one in which all our days
    we desperately pace
    yet, Absent of fear
    We become

    Peace as we sleep
    Awake again
    Each day
    Though life is bleak
    We remain
    all with
    Walls splashed of sun

    Stars implode and at the same time
    Rising
    Calling us home
    only to Descend once again
    Washout the debry
    Level the land

    Such Is Life
    The moment one arrives
    To Live
    and Learn
    To See
    and Hear
    and Know
    Embrace
    Touch
    Feel
    SURRENDER to HIM Within

    Juxtapose of Melocholy and Optimistic Acceptance
    process to our fate
    brings us not only strength
    not only God’s promise in full
    leaving us pondering
    searching always for new
    witnessing paths that close
    doors locked
    and alleyways
    a fright
    amongst the shadows that spark our gaze
    as a corner opens anew
    leaving us with No further excuse

    Such is Life
    All paths leading and Bringing us to
    that moment
    to Begin Again
    as all we are left with
    comes full circle
    face front
    in meeting our vulnerable core…
    the Ability
    to Choose
    No longer resist
    as In Apitude
    We only must persist

    Everything it seems remains a work in progress in my life and I am having to come to fully accept just that and where I am always, rather than where I think I should be or want to be. almost 21 freaking years and I am now just finally letting go of the reigns in my own choosing rather than having been brought into full acceptance in which became my almost full death of self.


    I am here and again I have been irritated with myself as I have not wanted to write here. I have a whole website to now re-do and make better and right but I am in that place where I again do not want to even do that.
    Ahhhhhh!!!! Oh, this life of me.


    There is joy in the struggle though when we turn to God and know that we walk not alone in all that are the trials and tribulations of this path set before us. We find joy in every moment we rise above, in each moment we wake with a sense of hope despite the night before and we sense that peace peaking within us even amidst tears as they fall as in just that moment, we come to Feel that embrace of acceptance in what has been our troubles.


    I am sure if you have been reading since I started that you notice that I can be, at times, all across the board when it comes to how I am feeling and where my focus is. I have gotten much better I believe but that is my own perspective so… 😉
    I have felt a huge difference in me over these past 20 years and in such, I do retain a certain peace in myself that I am most thankful for and now since going deeper in my seeking the Lord and His Word as well as expanding my prayer life, I am calm as can be. I must say that some can be from living on my own and having much time to myself which helps but again, my neighbors can be pretty disruptive and well, not so peace supporting but I have made peace with such outside the moments that my daughter is disrupted by them then that is a whole other story in trying to bring her to that place of peace and acceptance with what is neighbors disrepect and roudiness.


    In other news, my parents are planning on coming back to CA, in which, outside their desire to be closer to family and support, I would not understand at all. Cali has gone crazy in the full! 😉


    The funny part is that they will get a place with me and plan on me being able to care for them if their health continues to decline. I say funny as who knows where my health will be in the coming years given this TBI and well, when my daughter leaves the nest once she is of age. Yet…I have no idea what God has planned for me and for my parents nor my daughter and I know that in helping others we also can help ourself too, so maybe I will heal even more for what is to come.


    I have no idea if I will one day wake up and be fully healed and without any ailments that have continued since my injury though thankful not as bad as most. I may wake one day and have my full memory in tact (hopefully minus the actual fall as I do not want to relive that moment anymore). Maybe my best years are to come and I must admit that I hold a certain resistance to such as my best years should have all came as I was raising my kids, especially on my own, but outside some problems I have experienced, I want to believe that our years together have not been all that bad.


    If anything, I have shown my kids resilience in that no matter what life throws at you, no matter how little you have, you keep going, especially if you have others that are dependent upon you succeeding in some way for their health and well being. I may not have accomplished all I had wished for and I may not be a success in such a way now that my kids have no future to worry about at least financially, but I know and I trust that the struggle is where we not only become more humble as God calls for us, but we also strengthen our ability to Rise again and again and too, see clearly the path that is laid before us and the steps that we are to take. We come to that place of willingness and fearlessness in all that our path opens to us and that is truly a great gift to have.


    I am held to a higher standard now and I am called out when I am wrong and I am thankful for all of this altough in the moment it can hurt very deeply. I have gained so much from having gone through what had been the worst traumatic experience though in many ways, I was even protected from all of the harshness that this was. God Is Good, this is true as even when I most deserved to be not just be brought to my knees, I was deserving of nothing so much as even an answer from Him as I was hating all that this gift of life was for me.


    In what I felt as a great loss in losing my brother, I began to build an internal rage against all that was the slightest good in this world. I wanted nothing that was lasting in a sense of being good and of the light as well, we lose it all anyways, right? Why should I walk these steps before me, why should I open this heart and leave it vulnerable to all that is this sick world? Who am I to give anything of myself back to a world and to a God that I felt so deeply had robbed me of all the good that I wanted as my own? Why would I seek God who never seemed close by when I was hurting and pour out my love for Him when I was robbed of the Love that I did give and had found to receive here?


    What kind of God allows us to Feel the depths of what Love can be here and share the parts of our self that are so sacred to even let go of only to lose it all in a moment? Why would an all loving God deprive any of us of any part that seemed to uplift us and bring us to greater moments and days and well, a feeling of purpose?


    All is the process to humble us, to bring us to KNOW Him as only when we come to not being distracted by all that is of this world, do we come to truly Hear and See, and Know HIM. Only when we finally release all that weighs us down are we able to arise and float on into the ether that is of the Heavens, of the Lord and yes, pull all further into what one day will be here for all eternity.


    I am still learning, I admit that I can be wrong and if any feels such, you have a right to do-so. I just know my path and most of the steps that I have walked to come to where I am and in what I lived and with this memory that had become mine, I learned real wuick that not so mcuh is important here. This is not to say people do not matter as in family and friends, and this is not to say too that what we do in life nor even our own self does not matter in any way but as for myself, I have lived what was the reality of having a slate wiped clean and being made new and in this, much all of what was, was no longer of importance.


    You know what remained all along though? Love. You know what else remained? God.


    This is why I do not hate anyone. Even those who had wronged me and even used me over the past years and even deterred what I had hoped as my good path, I hold nothing but thanks to them for building me up to the person I am. I remain imperfect but with each and every denial, with each and every no in return from life and well, God to what I thought was best for me, I have only grew in what has become an all consuming flame.


    We come to find that it is only in our brokeness that we ever find what is our light, that is God’s light as such remains buried deep and hidden away only waiting for the time we want to seek and reveal the true face of what is existence. We walk with cross stitched eyes and much like a Disney movie, the illusions of good here only grew though, we who know that we walk not alone but with God hand in hand are able to see into another realm and outside all that is the confusion of this confusing yet, sometimes dak and often beautiful, reverie.


    Strongholds arise in my life, phsycial ailments, and pains, as well as pathways locked and closed to all I attempt to break on through to and it is only when I FALL and humble myself again in turning towards the face that is nearest me in Him that the key is found again and my steps become effortless and with ease.
    In seeking Him, a lullaby surrounds and the ways of this world continue to fall away and while we may remain to suffer some, we become untouchable and protected as the world in turn succumbs to chaos and destroys itself. We find what is our calm in the storm and we gain a strength that is all growing as our own, fueled by His breath continually and all the more deeply from what was our start, His Creation and all that Is written, His Will.


    I think this is why I like to take drives and especially up where I live in these hills as it is just so beautiful. Since all of this rain that hit Cali, the hills and fields are lush green and the lakes filled and in the right light (when the sky is not artificially fogged over) magnificent blue. I see the lines on the roads in pattern come towards and rush on by as I drive and often in sync with my bass and tunes as I see synchronicity in what are the farms growing their harvest. Have you ever looked at a farm and the process? Have you not seen the trees all planted in perfect alignnment and the days that follow as trees begin to tower on up above us?


    When all the world falls away we come to realize that we are much like seeds. We have been planted in this world of worlds and well, it is believed that we will survive despite any occurrence. Such is believed that we will survive as well, we, much like seeds, are built for this path where there is not much to do outside looking towards God just as plants and such look towards the sun. Other than that we are to only surrender to the process and grow, in all that is our beauty… and nurture theose around us as they grow as well. We wait with trust that we will be provided for and protected in only the ways that He, God can all the while, keeping our peace, and focusing fully on the LIGHT.
    Any farmer guys available? Haha. I think I found my calling. 😉

    All for now…on yet, my incomplete website. lol lol lol I have a lot to do for my lil family, so priorities are calling.

    With Love,
    Cene
    MBerCene@MBerDream.Com
    MBerDream.Com

    PS. You see, reading my same story over and over may open a door for some of you, I hope and also serves my persistance in moving forward in even greater ways…drowning even further in the LIGHT.

    PS2: Just updated post about a month late. Did not realize all was on stand-by…closed.lol Again, this is overwhelming life with me. Plan to share more soon, but we know how the plans have went so far.