To have been embraced by the ether of light,
To return to a world deemed chaos yet, so easily it can be re-written, sang, danced into new
Love, Joy, Connection, Growth.
I want to write and post before I lay myself down to sleep but mostly I want to run away.
Just being honest again.
I Am so pushed right now to post here something, anything, as YOU call me and I only FEEL the numbing tonight and the silencing fall.
I want to dance in this realm and indeed play but I Am in my adjustment period again like every other weekend when my kids go to stay with their dad and I have yet to fully adjust to finding my own way, as taking care of them has been my way for so long.
It has become much better since the beginning as I was truly a basket case of sorts. My body has finally found a way of adjusting to the change but in a way that most things are shut down or turned to a minimum, such as when I was comatose all those years ago. Only the most important, life supporting processes remain fully active.
So I must say it is a good thing, I remain breathing and heart pounding within this chest of mine.
You know what, I have some good news. Well, many will say it means nothing but I am coming up on 20 years of surviving or in fact being reborn after my TBI. I was thinking about it and realized that my injury happened July 29, 2002 I Believe and well, this next year, my 20th will be 2022. I, in fact, turned 22 while I was in my coma and woke a while after so in my own belief, this world has been induced such as I was in a deeper coma from what was the first initial persistent vegetative state. I AWOKE such as THIS WORLD is continuing to and will fully AWAKEN and YES, Be Reborn.
I never thought about this comparison, and I think it rocks honestly so I am sticking to it. Can you compare your own past experiences to such to Create the way as well?
Again, I know lives have been lost, I know deep and tremendous pain has been felt throughout the world and deep fear. I know too that all of my years after even returning, I have LIVED tremendous pain even in FEELING and watching those close to me. I have LOST many, and in that they all felt they lost me. I admit that I AM not exactly the same person I was, but I FEEL I am better now that I have healed much and am not so outspoken as harshly as some may have taken me. HaHa!
Again though, maybe this is who I truly was/AM all along. I mean, I recall very few people that I have felt such as I do now in my past prior to my injury. I mean the heart remains of who I was that is for sure. I have yet to connect fully with my truest people but until then or if never, I have my kids and I AM thankful. We all can find our people in this world in some way and I FEEL that once a connection is made in this physical that it forever remains though many will try to deny or destroy such that is. I FEEL too that past lives affect our connections as well and I may write a post on Past Lives by Borns now that I think about it…hmm….
It was my continued connections, my FEELINGS that saved me, and carried me along the path to where I AM now, although I do have a lot of questions on how I got here and why in some ways but I Am breaking through to better and better always. I have to remember I Am here as the world is in its own comatose state.
I am not out to save the world as IT has already been saved. I am not out for earning a name for myself, I AM just here to honestly make myself FEEL better and I know there are others whose hearts will sync to my own and tread these waters with me.
I FEEL most happy and ok when I write. When I even turn my tunes on and force myself to just write something, anything, I FEEL alive again and again, and more and more, my life and my kids benefit and I see shifts throughout as well.
Well, my adjustment has fully kicked in and I am off to bed shortly. I will try and return here tomorrow and hopefully soon will be able to do much greater here. Be patient with me. Give me time please.
Such is the Elixir, This Hearts Consistent Strum, for to My Dreams it Guides Me and Awakens Me Again to Love.