Focus Test

We drift along
such as the beams of the sun
sparkling the sky
and falling gently
time after time

We rise and begin
again and again
only to fall
again and again

we FEEL no fear in all of this
as this is the Beauty
the Beauty that is Life
Always has been and Always will be

the gift is in the ability to push ourselves
to realize bit by bit the extroardinary creation that we are

we need no other to tell us who we are
or to offer us any invention for what they say is our protection
as we are all of this already

We Are Protected
We Are Loved beyond anything that we could Dream of
We Are ever an unfolding Melody that will continue to Rock this World
leaving us Flying Free

We are a world that is of the Highest, we are not without or lacking in any way though at times it may seem-so.
Despite all you may want to argue, I refuse to fall to your views as I hold my own and they continue to prove true.

Yes, I have not been full of wealth as many dream. I have not even an overflow of any kind of cash to my name. I own no house of my own, nor do I have a whole set of friends to stand by and support me like I would them.

I have come to find peace in being on my own. I am not truly alone as I am at peace with the echos in my mind, I am elated by each beat of my heart even as each beat goes to fade out.

I am at peace with what so many have feared for the past couple years, even after seeing my own children bedridden for months on end. I am ok in all of it as there is no other way for me anymore.

It is either or and I stand firm as just like the moment of my injury, I learned very quickly that I HAVE NO CONTROL over anything and this is ok.

It may sound kind of contradicting but we do have control of some things just not others. We have control of anything we can welcome as a thought and if we can keep entertaining it without it depleting us. I know many will FEEL as if they have no control here but in thinking such is when YOU LET GO OF ANY CONTROL.

Our minds take what they are given and they run full force with it. This could be good and bad. Our mind may seem to protect us but truly it is on a mission of self preservation. The mind has no care if you remain happy in any moment, just as long as it feels in a moment, powerful in its output.

We have no control of what happens in the world as a collective, well we do with our hearts lining up and syncing, but in no forced way.

You know the big things and well, if the neighbor wants to burn his house down at any moment despite you living next door, you are left without control in this but too, this comes back to befriending and checking in with those near us but again, we are not all built in a way that we are social like that.

Again, it all comes back to you alone. We came here alone, we go out the same it is said but truly when YOU KNOW, you know we are never alone, honestly.

We control how we react to all that happens to us and around us but we do it best when we live in such a way that we do not take it personal. Shit happens always and while in some ways we may have welcomed some parts of such to cross over our life, there is truly a greater hand at play.

Prior to my injury, my death, I was in a very dark place. I was screaming out to the dark and angry at God. I WANTED to die but in wanting to die, I wanted to return “home”, to the peace that I had remembered and was reminded of again. I wanted to be no part of this life within this world anymore and guess what? I received my wish but in ways that I had not anticipated. I was denied entry I guess you can say, maybe. There was lessons still to be completed here. I had the power I was told to CREATE Peace within myself here and I had many more things upon my path to complete still, like having my amazing children.

So, I did in fact die, but I came back. Now, here is where it got tricky. I came back but I have not really been part of the world like so many are living and experiencing.

I mean, of course I AM Here and Living Here on This Earth in this time in what IS Our World, but I am very different on how such worldly things effect me. I may see and know of such things happening but I FEEL it for a moment or maybe 2 and I am able to battle myself and work out a process of keeping moving forward despite it all.

I Am not even fully sure how it all comes together, but I BELIEVE in many ways it has to do with my focus. I FEEL the sadness, the pain, the fear, and in short time, I become distracted by something else which is yes, after calling out and praying for help.

The weird part is that I end up in what seems like helping myself, though I suppose with a guidance. I FEEL in many ways that I am becoming distracted in the wrong things and not doing what is right for my family but some how, some way, there comes a breakthrough for me or for me to help another.

Many have taken to heart my “new” ways as I may come off as heartless and uncaring when truly I am no such thing. I care tremendously but I was reminded, taught again, that my worry has to have a boundary. My complaint has to have a boundary and my pain, my own suffering in return will have a boundary. I know that the moments I let my mind run rampant and I go out on a flurry of worrying about my own life or that of any other, the worst is set to come about. I HAVE LIVED it very deeply as I am sure we all have.

I have lived my worry and my fears so deeply that I have built within myself a cut off sensor I guess you can call it. Maybe it was not me that built it but I was fitted with such after my injury it seems. Spiritually I am speaking here just so you know. I can become worked up (and yes, there are times I do find ways to surpass the sensor)and scream, anger, fall to hopelessness and cry and then there is a numb that hits me all over, on into peace, and I fall to rest most often and I wake (maybe not fully rid of what brought me there) at a level far below one that will lead me to fall or even worse, create that which I have risen in some way emotionally against.

I AM NOT GOD nor any wizard. I just have learned that we as humans have power in our emotions and for many of us like I was, it was in the negative, but we can be just as powerful in our positive emotions as well.
Our emotions are our connection to the outer world as it is seen, light or dark it is chosen and sent, our emotional voice. But do know, that to be Seen, Heard, and Understood, your best option is through that which is positive or at least Praying and asking for what you desire in a present tense as if already having it way.

Yes, you see, I have a habit of running on with my sentences too but this has stopped nothing for me as I speak this way and have not been able to fully separate. πŸ˜‰

We must be specific and CLEAR on what it is that we need or want. Though, do understand that NEED is not all positive. Needing when we live in a universe that is ever-abundant, provided by God who is never wavering (look deeper to understand) comes off as criticism, condemnation maybe.

I will end here with this honesty and transparency. I AM not always happy, nor am I ever-receiving all I want effortlessly and without any attempt to try. I AM still just like you. I AM living this human experience just as or more deeply than most. There is a multitude of things I desire and many are still not realized and I do get caught up on the why, more than I should.

Just as I have lived my injury and my healing, I know there is a reason for the timing of it all. Right now, like I say, I Am kind of confused as to the why of where I AM and why I Am still here despite my prayers and my processes but I will learn the why as I go further along and when indeed all comes into my life at the time it does.

It can be unsettling and quite upsetting at times to be denied anything that we see as best and right for us but we do not see our future, we do not see each step we are destined to take in this life. I have seen the why many times and I was forever thankful as I was protected and never even knew I had to be, or my kids were kept safe and for this I am eternally grateful to having a watchdog.

These bad times are coming to a close. The great is ready to RISE Within each of us and throughout all that is this world. All YOU have to do, is get dsiatracted in the BEST of ways, in HEALTHY ways. Allow yourself to get off course in what is enjoyable to you in ways that is non harming to you or any other in the short or long term.

Keep your FOCUS on one thing, anything, that SPARKS something within you, that leads you to FEEL Happy and your own Power in the moment and get lost in it for a minute or a few. Go down the rabbit hole it is said but in a mostly positive way, a way that does not hinder your emotions. Find yourself among a galaxy of stars that flows through every vessel that is available within you, through every breath of air you take from and give back to the world.

All in all, this life is a test of our Focus. Find the best and stick with it despite what is happening around you. Not easy, but can be done and once you do, you will effortlessly build within yourself a way to do it time and time again.

We did not come here empty handed but with the best tools to carve our our best lives. Just wish I had realized this long ago but again, there is a reason, there is a why as to why we had to experience our lows and be pulled down again and again.
You Will See.

Our brains thrive off in a repetitive nature so whatever you place in it will be spun in such a way. Choose better, choose wisely.

Love Today and Always,

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