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Repeat for 3

Branches Eclipse
Eyes Align
Smiles that Crest
Tears that Fall

Stars that Flood
Blood that Flows
Rhythms that Beat
Life’s Breath

Hmmm…not so sure on the above but that is what I got for now. 😉

So, I went on what was to be an adventure I suppose of my beats and my Heart in sync on the way to Farmer’s Boys. Well, I arrive and for some reason, it is closed off with caution tape! Why?! Did someone die?

Kind of odd I think. So, I decided to try out the new Canes which is directly across from Farmers and they too were closed but for a training day.

Should have took this as a sign, but I ended up going to Panera (1st try) and got my BBQ Chicken Salad which was not all bad but incomparable to Farmers.

All in all, like it does for me (must keep talking it up this way) it all worked out where I did get a BBQ Chicken Salad as well as my son his In N Out and not fully waste a trip. But again, what trip is wasted when (like me) much of the therapy you get is from taking drives with your music?

I return home after being gone over an hour (everything is at least 35-40 minutes from where I live…(nice but slightly annoying at the same time) and at that time my son is requesting that I take him to town as if I had not just returned from…you know, town. He always does this which I Am sure many teens do. Thankfully he is in no way a pushy type, so he gives me opportunity to relax if I do decide to take him.

My son has an issue with my music playlists it seems. My liked songs alone are 957 and I have over 65 others and following about another 10+ on top of that, so how can he have issues with all of my playlists?

He says majority is trash in his sarcastic but being honest way. He has never once complained but now he takes my phone and is worse than myself with the repeat as he does not just repeat a song a few times, he actually only has 3 songs he is ok enough to play for the entirety of every ride and he keeps those on repeat when I let him. Otherwise he brings his headphones and gets no car bass.

I guess it goes hand in hand with his sensory issues but too, he has the tunes up so loud, I cannot even carry a conversation with him and some songs can get to me with the vibes.

I believe he does that on purpose actually, as he prefers to not talk so much but I take no offense. I AM actually thankful that he has found songs from what I like so the repeating is not so excruciating for me.

Always makes a parent happy when their kids likes their music which my daughter mostly does, but with him, his likes of mine are limited.

His choice in music has been so far (as per my playlists), occasionally The Waltz of the Monsters by Yann Tierson which I picked for him as he has always liked the accordion. He much prefers the 2 he found through me which are ABBA’s, Lay All Your Love On Me and Sparks, This Town Ain’t Big Enough For Both Of Us. Thankfully really enjoyable songs.

All good listening to my ears and Heart but he also has to have it full blasts with the amp going. I Am so surprised by him as he has trouble with certain sounds and getting overstimulated from such yet, he listens to horrible, and I mean migraine causing (does me) Industrial Music.

I just do not understand him but we have at least came to an understanding that we will never fully understand each other and that is ok.

His typical choice in music truly goes against what has seemed to be his limitations since young. I mean, this is my kid who would cover his ears every time I took him to a movie theater to see a movie as he had to ease into the volume of it all.

Yet, here he is where he used to have extreme bass blaring (from his room at our previous trailer which you would have suspected that we were hosting a rave) of Dubstep, Double Bass, or whatever the other bassy (not a word?lol) name types there are. All in all, he did have a love for deep bass.

Now since over this year and without his speakers in the place we are staying, he has by wearing headphones, shifted his taste to Industrial and I Am just lost there but I AM not him.

It is horrible, I AM sorry if you all like any such music that is industrial but I hear such and I FEEL it and try to get a groove going (and I may for a sec) but there are noises and beats and scratching and screeching and a whole load of noises coming from all directions.

I am immediately FEELING the urge to vomit which is never good and my head just struggles to figure out with it is being fed.

To me, this music does not seem to even fit together in what I deem a melodic way and well, the shifts alone are nauseating to me and I AM instantly overwhelmed, overstimulated, whatever you wish to call it. If I allow the music to play too long, I Am easily set up with a migraine, so my son and I agreed on a playlist for him from my tunes since I AM the driver and must be comfortable.

His music almost had parts similar to extreme metal which I had listened to prior to injury, but my son’s music just goes beyond that for me to even be able to process.

Now, tell me, how my son, who has had a multitude of sensitivities is able to even enjoy such a thing?

This is how I see it anyways. We, as we are, are full of all kinds of pieces that create us. We are who we are, right? Well, in being-so, no one truly knows how deep the pieces of our individual creation goes. I will not go into all of it, but maybe past lives play a part as well, and my son proved he had lived before when he was very young. On top of this, we are very complicated beings in all that makes us up.

Somehow, in someway, the sounds from his choice of music sparks something in him that connects to and calms him. I suppose almost like how ADHD (which he has a slight diagnose of as well) is calmed by being stimulated but it has to be a certain stimulation such as with industrial music.

I, on the other hand, though diagnosed with such that is ADHD (more that my actual brain was injured), must be on another level as when I was placed on Amphetamine Salts (generic for Adderall) I was able to sleep when it kicked in, it did calm me it seemed (outside my heart wanting to beat out of my chest), but after a bit, I was more stimulated and wanted to run, run, run even one day in over 100 degree weather which almost sent me to the hospital. These pills also brought out in me an anger that (thankfully) I noticed right off and so I did not take them for that long.

Despite who is or is not in our circle, we have to be our best advocates which was not always easy for me years ago after divorce as I was truly just starting to heal in many ways. I must admit that it is still a struggle for me as well, no pill is instant healing me, this isa long process as it is called.

I AM actually medicine sensitive so not sure what the Psych was thinking on having me placed on those in the first place.

So…(rambling and carrying on me) I suppose that the stimulation that makes me literally sick from his music, is truly working for him as though he had taken an Adderall or a Ritlin pill.

Uhh…it is funny how that works but we all have “our thing” just like how coffee typically calms me and can put me to sleep much in the same way as the calm he FEELS. No jolt waking me up there unfortunately.

WIth Love,

PS: I will try to shift this blog soon whereas not so much of what seems like a diary’s daily read. Just working out a bunch of kinks in my life at the moment so stay with me.


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