We all Believe that we are broken
Yet, it is Within our fragments
the empty voids
the unfinished songs
that the Light
is Let In
I will be sharing some of the write ups that I have done the past few days but I need to start again right here and now.
I sit in my bedroom/kitchen (always seems so weird together) at my computer desk looking out of my window down out upon the driveway and down out upon the main street going into the end of town and out into the highway. I see an elderly man whom I continuously see walking throughout town…at least in his 70’s or 80’s.
He is wearing what appears to be a sports uniform of sorts in bright red and he is full of energy yet, it is obvious as to what appears his age and ailments holding him back. I think he may have boxing gloves on as well?
You see that little boy in him and this is who I connect to each moment I see him walk on past, with a mission to make it, to break right on through whatever vision he holds closest.
A couple weeks ago, I was riding with my friend and we saw the same man walking his path to the outskirts of town. I made mention of him and pointed him out to my friend who in return responded that she knew of this man and that he has stage 4 cancer. I drove a few feet further and had to pull off onto a side road as the tears began to fall.
I had always been drawn to this man, I always questioned as to why but I understand more now. This is the same man I wrote of some posts ago that a few neighborhood thugs were mocking and making fun of him as he walked past the gas station. Luckily I AM sure that he did not hear them as at least they were not all that obvious and well, him being on his mission would not have noticed anyhow.
On this kind of mission, Nothing Else Matters.
He walks and he walks. He walks alone, and with such that is a determination even the high schoolers up here have yet to meet his perserverance and stamina during their walks during P.E as they take on much of the same walking route as this man.
He has a slight hunch to his posture and he has aged greatly but he walks, despite the burning sun, he walks, despite the looks and the stares, he walks, despite whatever he may have been FEELING and whatever circumstances he Lives or has lived, He Walks.
I now know, he walks for Him, To Him, In full VULNARABILITY and SURRENDER to Let Go of it all and just Return Home. He walks with a braveness that I even I have yet to take hold of, and he mesages to me the truth…AGAIN. There is NOTHING TO FEAR, there is nothing that can harm me as long as I have HIM, My Lord by My Side.
I Am Feeling pretty bad right now as I had broke my fast today due to dizziness that would not let up even after salt water. Now, I AM reminded again that even the Bible teaches, HE teaches that we Believe it in as well.
Yes, there are occult ways and practices and such and tools but Dreaming and Living in ways that we always keep Him Our Lord closest, IS and always will be of not just importance but of our greater benefit as well…The Worlds benefit too.
Now, I fell to tears of that news of this man as I realized that my view of him was wrong. I saw him as an old man, a man who fragile yes, but a man who needed a defense team of sorts around him. I did not look at the greater picture that he already had such in God.
I do not believe for one second anymore that this man has any fear. It may not have been cancer that I had but when you are on the brink of life, when you come to KNOWING not just HIM as You Will, but FEELING and for many even seeing and hearing the Truth that is on the other side of this veil.
I think that is why I connected to him so Deeply as he KNOWS just as I learned and continue to further learn.
To KNOW a man who I never met in this reality anyways, is how I FEEL about him. A friend, a soft soul, a man who has many stories built up WITHIN him but not so much to share as he is on a mission and I FEEL I just cannot interrupt it any way, nor can I allow any other to sabotage him in any way as he makes his way on through.
I walked once on my own up here so far. That is pathetic compared to this man who I adore. I wait for the sun to lower itself and for the heat to calm or rise super early and get my kids to go with me which yes, is good for them as well, but I want to the force that is this man in his walk though again, that IS his walk alone. Individual to him, his path, his way, as threaded by Our Creator and in the ways he had, this man himself.
I AM here writing always about not having fear and I AM afraid to walk on my own. Ha! I even bring my pepper spray, considered bear mase even.lol
HE is with me as I have said and always has been. I AM Protected as I say and that protection does not end when I go on a walk through my small town. Again, even in the moment anything happens (there are a lot of tweekers up here), I Know and Trust that my kids will be protected and all shall find their way.
I just FEEL like a fool, a hypocrit of sorts as it really comes down to Believing and you can see such so deeply in this mans face, his eyes too…HIS WALK.
Well, that is all for now.