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The tricks he plays

In all this world
No loss is greater than any other
No pain that much more significant
No brokeness much more-so than any others

In this world
This world devoid of Light
Devoid of true obvious colors
That meld and flow
That spark and Flow High
To Tumble and Fall
Roller Coaster Ride

This world
Absent we have felt
Absent we have pleaded and screamed
To Be seen
and heard
when all along we ignored the sirens
we ignored the whispers too
of a softness that had always been
present and inscribed always IN

Such as this song tonight
Colors by Judah $ The Lion
I had to die to see the colors
Of a different sky
My Heart uncovered
Though I know it takes a certain death to truly come to realize
the magnificence that not only surrounds us
Embraces us
Day to day
In our good
and also
In our moment of sin

Many edge back when they hear the name God
and I see it hear too with my audience
I FEEL it and I know it
I watch videos of those full of life
full of spirit and bravery
To go out and voice to the world
Of His Presence
Of His Cotinued BEING
I watch them approach people and many walk right past by
Some come forward and entertain a conversation for a bit
as in that moment
then the moment comes
This messenger says “I care about you”
or mentions the God
The Father
The Son
and instant uneasiness is activated and off they run

They run as they have become dependent on being seen
Being heard
in this NOW
by The World
but the world does not care
the world never has
I sought the world long ago
and the love I thought I had to gain through such
and all I did was set myself on fire
To burn
to whither on down
from flame
on into Ash as I had remained for some time

I ran far
and I ran wide
I ran to the places within an alleyway most would have feared
I ran from the light in attempt to befriend my dark
and in that I was only brought cliffside
I was only brought to a peak high enough in this world
from which I could fall
Let Go
and Surrender
to what I thought I had believed would be there for me
as I thought
My God
had abandoned ship
left me alone in isolation of pain
in siolation of self sabotage
the wars that I internally and
would rage

To my surprise, I came to my certain death
To my surprise
It was not the world that stood bedside
It was not the world that held my hand
nor cheered me on
It was My LORD
My God
Through His Own Being
and the many Prayers cried out to Him
By those who Loved that Girl
that girl whose name meant Ashes
that girl who was painted smiles
that girl who danced and loved in the ways she knew how
despite the pain she felt
despite the loss she continued to feel
the detriment of her existence that she continued to only cover up
and hide from all that was of the world
He always knew
He saw me naked
and empty
He saw my heart aglow in the times it was
and he saw the love I had the ability to pour because I TRULY wanted to
He saw and felt every tear that poured down the revines of these cheeks
and he felt every time my heart broke when I closed doors to the world to remain in silence
He knew I and he heard me loud and clear
HE FELT the pain arise in me
so deep I could barely breathe
and I Still could not hear him
I could not FEEL him
as I was seeking His rescue
I Believed I was broken and unworthy
and in that
I kept that door closed

when I came to my forced surrender per se’
I had no ability to barricade the door any longer
and in that
He was able to fully walk in
and stand next to me
As My Heart continued to sing out
My Heart continued to reach for He who had sacrificed so much for me

Now, do know
I love all who are my family
and all who had been my friends at that time still to this day
I was changed
and I would never be exactly the same again

The first while after returning home all had high hopes
and I looked much how I used to outside my trechotomy scar (which i LOVE)
and maybe a tad out of it
then when you look at pictures
I shifted abyuptly in looks
and posture
and well, overall being
I no longer looked like Me
and I know I did not act like I had prior to my injury so in all reality
The one’s who loved me
also sustained an injury so great that they too
were changed

Each of us attempted to paint The World
this World
that after some time
I swore I had been placed in another time
another paralell reality they speak of
as well
No other knew who I was anymore
and in that
I started to not know more and more as well
and I was darn awkward to say the least
Even to myself
but I was so caught up in healing
that I really took no notice at all
and well
many took offense to this
though it had nothing to do with them
nor was ever against them

Here we are on the edge of a new era as it is said
Here we are on the edge of the end
and I AM not nervous
nut when I think of my kids I do get caught up and cry
I pray
and I pray
I read and not read as much as I want as these darn eyes do not want to cooperate
I FEEL HIM present and all around me NOW
I keep failing
and I AM not happy about that
I keep going
That is what I
all of us must do
We are to FIND HIM
He is HERE
and it is more simple now than it ever has been
I truly Believe this

I have said many times that I AM not here to save any other
that I did not want to write here for any other
now I see that my purpose
just as each of ours IS
Is not our own
Our purpose
We are here in this world of darkness
we are here and yes,
we can sing and dance, and enjoy as we wish
but it is never without consequence
It is never without coming to that day when we are forced to face
all that we had ignored all along
all that we refused to believe
all that we had instead turned to
and yes
succumbed to

I have let go NOW
I mean
Love never leaves
but me FEELING bad about my past
me FEELING bad about the bridges burned
the falling away of friends
and even relatives
and even dreams
as I AM Here and I AM NOW
With His Purpose In Me
and I AM Listening
and yes,
I AM Vibing
In the LORDS name

This world has far proven to me that I will never receive the love I have desired

This world has proven to me that despite all the dark, HIS light had always shown as I chose to OPEN MY EYES.

This world has proven to me that I AM not deemed successful by Loving and not allowing a society to strip me down and tear me apart.

This world has taught me that our greatest weapon is indeed Him, Our LORD, God.

This world has proven to me that I AM beyond what they want to accept as well, so many have only found peace in their brokeness and had not cried out for Him in any way.

This world does not wantto hear from those saved, those who have Risen and found their voice…this world wants victims and only those willing to play their game.

This world has proven to me that we create by Focus of our heart in connection with Him, or by connection of our dark to the devil. I Choose HIM.

What we pour into, we bring about as we open the door fully in that moment. I have opened the door to both my dark and NOW My Light…His Light.

I gave my power away in connection with and through Him for the past long while since my injury after I HAD FOUND HIM!!!!
…since I learned not to do-so!

since I knew I was only to Listen and Allow HIM and Him only to guide me.
I had turned from Him as my marriage ended and well, at that time I was doing good and was hopeful so even though it was me who decided fully to go ahead with divorce, HE in my mind, was not supposed to let such happen. Heck, in my head, I felt He probably should have kept the who relationship from the start not hapen…but I was paving that path, I had to walk that path and as happens when one turns away from God, demonic spirits will be placed upon your path such as was mine.

You know, just for a lil insider info as to the tricks the devil plays…after divorce when I met my latest now ex, he had laughed just like the one I spoke of that I never forgot. He, in no way, laughs like that now nor has he ever really I AM sure now. It was just a hook…a trick in the devil’s playbook to attempt to pull me in and not saying fully on that one thing, but it worked for a while.In hearing what I thought was that laugh and him sharing a middle name of the same first name, I falsly trusted that he was safe My, what a joke on me.

I was waaaay into the wrong signs at the start of all that, that is for sure.
I just always convinced myself that it was my job to help and free them with my ability to love. Ha! NO* I mean, when I first met him, his dad was bedridden and dyring from what may had been a brain injury or just dementia and that pulled my heart strings as I had to help.

It was always wrong as my path was not connected to Him. With there being no focus on God it all was to come to an end but in the most unpleasant of ways as I kept ignoring my own sight, my own visions, my own gift of His voice Within. I had to live being tortured for my ignorance first and not by Him, but because I opened the door to the devil again.

Well…this was quite a bit of a ramble of what probably makes no sense. Well, it will for those it must I suppose.

I AM supposed to be going through more totes as I seek to purge more and downsize even more as it FEELS good to do-so, but I got caught up here for a bit.
Back to work I go.

Be Loved,


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