Here i AM
With A Rhythm of Beats in Hand
All around Head
Here I AM
An escapade of sorts
All in grasp I AM
Starting off here with Ice Dance playing again yet, this time by Vitamin String Quartet.
Went to neurologist today which was much of nothing outside getting more blood labs done as well as another MRI since my last was close to or more than 3 years ago.
Now, let me tell you something. We are fed a lot in this world and illness and disease and disorders are of the many just as pain and brokeness and such but…they are merely a moment, a label, a piece to Open Eyes and Open to what is being asked of and called to of us.
To, in other words, Open the Door, Answer the Phone, Allow the Voice of God to be known to you Again.
I AM learning and I continue to and while I Am having to go an d try for diagnosis’ and such due to what society calls a disability, I AM beyond any such labeling.
Today, it was said it could have been a stroke I experienced with that drunk-like episode I mentioned a short while ago and while it could be, I AM not scared as well, I AM taken care of. A smaller stroke…TIA. And yes, with such an injury like from my past iplaces me on a higher chance list of having such but again, I AM not holding any true focus there as I just keep turning to God.
People may label me what they may but I have found again my full Belief and Knowing God, My Father, and His Son Jesus Christ and in this I have regained full trust without any hesitation of all that is to come.
How could I have ever doubted Him?
I remember very much in Feeling the moment I came to become comatose and I recall no such pain, nor even the traumatic experience as again, I was protected and have remained as such. To recall such as to all that led to such and the in-the-moment reality would be all too much for most anyone to handle I suppose…as for the reasons I hold no memory I AM sure is far greater than I Am to understand while here as there is just so much more to live.
As I have learned, there has been no need for such that is that memory at all. There are many questions that had lingered once I grew more understanding of what took place and from my parents for sure, but I have lived in such a way that the memory had no way of serving me in coming to this place in my life where I AM in being the mom I AM, in Healing in the ways I have, in being able to move forward even without really knowing where I AM going and in turn, in coming to that cliffside again in my mind and seeing that bridge towards Him and crossing it again without any fear holding me back.
On another note, me not recalling is to serve my kids’ lives for their best as well.
It may seem off or as though I AM uncaring but that is far from the truth of who I AM. As I tell everyone, I just have a different way of seeing and understanding life and its experiences since what had been my near or even full demise.
I got lost again years after that experience, yes, but there was great purpose to such as well and some I have not came to find fully yet know, as my kids are still growing and have not left my side fully yet. I AM sure much of what I have had to live is in many ways very important to the pieces that are such to have been and will be the complete forming of what my kids’ lives will be…in part anyways.
I hope I serve Him in serving them to only add to the value their lives can be.
Outside my kids, in speaking with my mom, I realize now that I had not failed nor lost my chance to do as I knew I had promised in my mission upon returning to reach out and help those going through similar. My mom mentioned tonght that a major part in what helped her focus on me pulling through was a letter a nurse showed her at one point while I laid up in my coma. It was from a man who, at the time was a boy who had sustained an injury such as mine. He stood by his truck that he was able to drive as per his healing and he spoke of how his life had only moved forward in the best of ways since and it continued to get better and better.
Proof again how the human spirit and connection has immense ability to touch and change the world for the best, His best.
My faith is all the more strengthened now and I AM forever grateful for such that was His blessing amd His blessing alone for me to Move Forward and Go On as I have even if a lot of the people and circumstances were very tough as I know, at least in that, my kids learned that there is a great strength in us all despite any label, etc. I know too that those of us with the many trials, we are inly that much more capable of standing tall before Him and walking through those gates. Such as soldiers get built for the wars here, we are being built to live eternally beside Him and in full Love and Peace.
I AM, in My Walk now to (Through Him) bring my kids closer to knowing and trusting more of God, the Father, our LORD, and I truly Believe the seeds I have planted even in my moments of being lost and being led to confusion in my other relationships, etc. are about ready to go into Full Bloom. Without force nor any pressure by me, I Allow them to find their way through my own Knowing Him.
I have mentioned. and a lot is being said about the end. Well, it could be but again it may not be. His timing, not our own.
I have had to be on my own for a large majority of all of these years to show myself that I can handle it all even with what has been debilitating symptoms and I had to regrasp again IN FULL that the reason for this is because the LORD is always by my side and the coming moments, days, years, will be no different as my door remains open and My Heart Remains Pure.
I am a lot like my grandmother I Believe and she was a very strong woman (maybe not as strong) even on her own for her last 20+ years, though she did have much more family near and around her to have present. She was our shining light in many ways/ She, as many have lost, was the one who held the family together just as she was the one who gave us all that place where we all felt loved and adored individually in every moment we shared with her. Well, just as when I had my moments, I now, again, take my moments I have with God and drown myself in them.
My past in no way pave the path my future will hold from this moment. I know this more now as even though it had been hard to not recall much of who I was or what I lived, the moment…THIS MOMENT IS NOW and that is what matters…and in this Moment I AM choosing Him again and that is the path we all should hope to find as there is True Freedom in that just as Love and well, Truth…His Promise.
I know now that the memories I had recalled and retained all of these years were in many ways my path back to God and I shall be forever thankful for them as in those memories I learned that I had always had heart and that I was not the dark that attempted to wash me on out. I Am also thankful that I was able to share such that was the love that I had and receive such that I had as well, as without such, I may not have came back in any way. The good I lived prior to my injury gave me that anchor to Belief that there was good and that there much was God that I continued to cru out for.
I had to remember my downfall and my dark during those times as well, so as to continue to strive to always to be better than I had been, to love in the way I could without fear and to keep my door wide open to Him always and not be swept up in the tricks dark may play. It was my injury that made me more able to see such clearly yet, I had to learn that once I see such, I have to not want try and save such from it by allowing myself to Lose focus on Him.
I had to remember such as those memories to know that I was in no way what some tried to paint me as over the past years and make me believe I was Evil and Borken and such, it was through some memories I had an anchor that reminded me of what was good even in my moments of weathering through the bad. As a plus, I had my kids as well, a very right now and here light to keep me focused on Truth and Him as well.
I had to remember my worth as well as each and every person’s worth to be loved but also that our greatest meaning in this life comes from Him and through Him as per His path for all existence not just our wordly desires.
I had to remember that I was in no way dependent upon any other as I was able to find my way as I had because of one man, Jesus Christ.
Now to be loved and to love in this knowing here would be most epic, but I AM good right where I AM.
We are far beyond stronger than any other would have led you to Believe or even allowed you to know. We are resilient and have a fierceness that burns in us when it comes to the Rhythm of our Beats when in syn With Our LORD’s. The more you want to know, the more you step towards Him, the more the Promise Opens to You.
One has to want to know Him, such as I always have and I AM glad to be back in this place where I Fully do again and I Feel His presence each day…even in my moments of loneliness, even when my tears fall, even when I had yearned for my past in memories dear.
and…I will share in more posts to come that my life is still far from perfect or without pain, etc.
Doors continue to Open to me and Blessings further flood this space held for only me, By Him. In this, my kids paths are being carved in ways that open more to their brighter days as such the seeds I plant in just Living My Truth are Blossoming all along their paths lining with threads ever-of-Him.
We write our own story but it is always He who holds the pen to what can be our brightest eternity. Free will is a wonderful idea but many do not look to the deeper consequence of such. We, as humans want what we want and never think of what could happen until life turns in the ways that we had not wanted.
This I Feel is the letting go in many ways, as we must give up control, we must give up the fear, we must give up the desiring of anything within this realm that does not produce the way for not just us but civilization, existence as a whole towards Him.
IT HAS NEVER EVER BEEN ABOUT US Indivually, Honestly. We each are destined to serve a purpose to HIS greater plan and it comes from our own choice, our own choosing to Live Such.
It is detrimental right now for us all to find something in our life that sets a spark in some way, a spark enough we are brought to His Word and our sweet surrender to Him and Him alone per his plan for us. Or truly, as I keep telling others, you must only start to read and you will be led. It is that simple. Just start…Begin.
I AM not sure where i AM going still. And this is ok (considering moving closer to sis again, lol) and that is a plus as that has remained a hard one for me until NOW.
I AM not sure if the Love I AM capable of giving will ever be reciprocated here outside from what I know from God, but I AM finally ok with that as well as it shoud be all of our purpose to just Love as much as we can (without fear of return or even helping any unwilling other) as this life is no easy ride for any of us. It never was meant to be anything less as it is His great test.
This path is dark and full of disastrous weather but through the storm I find comfort in knowing He has me always just as He has You…Each of us.
Came to this Psalms tonight after completing this post when I asked for Word from Him, so wanted to share the message:
Psalm 11:7, KJV: For the righteous LORD loveth righteousness; his countenance doth behold the upright.
“David is tempted to run in terror from his enemies, like a frightened bird. Whether this is advice from counselors or simple fear, David refuses to given in. He declares that the Lord is his refuge. The wicked are well-armed and prepared to fight, but David trusts God to keep him safe. In part, David stands firm because he recognizes the consequences if godly authority is removed. The psalm celebrates God’s sovereign rule and omniscience, ending with encouragement. The Lord is righteous and loves righteous deeds; someday those who honor Him will see His face.” https://www.bibleref.com/Psalms/11/Psalm-11-7.html
Wear the Armour of God and you shall remain unscathed.