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Symphony had always been here

Inspired from this today:
“For I will pour water upon him that is thirsty, and floods upon the dry ground: I will pour my spirit upon thy seed, and my blessing upon thine offspring:”
Isaiah 44:3 (KJV)

There is a Glow I have come to find
The further I shatter and break
The more I crack on open
From my core
Each and every Heart Beat that follows
and more
Just Pour

There is a Light
Placed Inside this shell of a frame
To give this world a way to see
This shell of a body that holds
Fragments that are Life
Love and All the elixir we seek
and all else any one would need
Ten Fold
To Love To Breathe
To Pray and to Think
To Dance and to dream
Fragments that have sparked open this moment
To Live and Breathe all within this physical reality
To Have and to Hold

In Me is Fire
As I stand
In this Dance
Soul Overflowing
God’s Hand pulling my strings
Walking me along
Puppet Master some may call
But with Free Will, not much-so

Each Moment I Live
Each Step I take
Each Choice I Make
Humming straight along right with me
In time we Feel
In Time We See
In Time we Hear
This Song
My Father
No matter what we do
Right or Wrong

I AM called
I AM Directed further
To A River of Illumination
to a River that holds my complete fascination
The place where Heaven and earth collide
The Reality that Truly after death
Is Life
When we take this walk right
When we walk holding close His Light
When we walk. when we Find

There is a Glow I have come to find
Never had I needed to look outside
This Gift of mine
Just as Yours
Given from the start
Core to Core
To Live for a moment
To take in all that is joy and Create more
To flood this earth with His will
To flood this earth with only Good and Beauty Forever to Unfold
To Share Heart
Open Bare

We are called to notice
We are called to Beauty
To Breathe it on in
Create More
We are called
To embrace
all that is Soft and even that which is not-so
To Light a Fire
To Take the Sparks and run all Higher
Beauty that has grasped on in
Allow it to Separate the flesh
Expose the Truth that has been all along
Our own threading of Song

To Live for a moment
This Dream
This Fantasy
This Reality…as some may call
and for others, this nightmare
All along the choice has been ours
To come here
To try our might to Endure
To Bathe in a world of so much wonder
To Grasp It on In and with ourself and pull all others under
To bathe in a world with many corners void of light
In order for us to Strive for and towards
Finding and taking hold
Flipping our own switch to Light On
To lead Magnificently
Glow On and On

You know,
the hum
the song
the connection to
and looking always for
the Gleam of another’s eyes
The smiles that can come out of every turn of a corner
Every turn of light
The comforts of Home
The Delish of Soft Hearted Memories
The Delish of what could be an ever-now
The Path upon which no cracks
to pull u son in
to allow us to face fears
of ever stepping out upon it

His Light
Your Light

Good day. I AM kind of all over the place with my writings (as I AM sure you see above)…SUch A Mess! Anyways, I had originally started last night but hoped the mess would fix itself with rest but nope. No true focus, no form that actually holds anything together I Feel, and probably no understanding of flow to follow from any other that reads and atempts to take view.

Such as life, take what you will and make what you wish from it all.

Again though, this is transparent me and this is My Space, My Blank Space, My Scratch Paper, and My Cave for me to hide and Create if I FEEL. If you have been called to look upon these pages, Own whatever Beauty that you may find in your own way, if you will, and take it and twist it, make it your own if again you wish to, if you desire to. Otherwise Feel Free to just take in the ridiculousness that can be me or just Endure the waves that come and Release Free to the pages that you see.

In many ways I did want to help others since I first came home all those years ago, but in the heavy process of Healing and the tides and ever-crashing waves this life can offer, I was off to a very slow start. I had bursts of Healing that flooded like in the moment a newborn bird takes wings and is able to hit the skies. Delicious, and Amazing Symphony, and at the same time, I had an Ocean that kept rising in me and drowning me on out!

And…It Was Amazing, honestly as at the earlier days, I had no clue that there was anything wrong at all. Life was good, The Promise was right in my face yet, I truly was not there as much as I had thought as I still lacked the know-how on taking hold of the rope that had been dropped down for me to take hold of. Such as some overwhelm I still Feel, I was on standby much of those earlier years, I just had not realized as keeping myself small and in the ways I remained broken, I was much easier to tolerate I suppose.

In getting so caught up in the ones I had tried to help and love over the past 20 years and having so much on me with raising my kids, the majority on my own, I just doubted I could do anything further for any other than those within my closest space here, as in my eyes, I was failing at home too and at many points along the path many did not hesitate to let me know.

In promises broken from my past and even some that came up this life’s round, I refused to hold a Promise to any other outside my own little circle, here right at home and myself included as well as God.

There was many reasons and in many ways I do not fully as to why I have failed and failed when it came to doing so much more in my life honestly as others have broken the bounds of their disabilities and Risen Higher. I truly Believe though that me doing the things that I thought was doing more and greater were not of His plan for me nor for my best or my kids best, etc. etc. .I was already doing my best and what I needed to for my kids’ lives. I was to remain small in some ways so as to remain in this place where I could best hold them I suppose. I just have to keep Faith that God knows my best and sees where I AM best heading right now and that in the end, I will be Worthy to go on home to Him as well as my kids.

God is now in charge fully of my life. I AM done trying to Create outside what He provides for me. In Life, In Love, In Family…God’s plan is perfect. In trying to Create my own without so much focus on My Father, of course I continuously failed as My Heart…He knows, and My Heart is not OK in a place absent of His Presence.

I honestly never felt like I was HOME since at least early teen years…and I do remember this very clearly. Now I know why as per my death experience, none of us in this world are home as this world is not such at all. Home is with Him beyound Heaven’s doors and this realm is most definitely the place where our walk Begins and either ends in returning Home or repeating again or choosing to disregard the LORD and His Promise in all ways.

We each have momements that we are allotted here and it is for us to make the most of them no matter. I fail, oh, do I fail to make the most of all I have been given, I admit, and I AM seeing more and more consequences of such. Or are they consequences at all but rather the natural and most perfect way my path was supposed to go? Bumper Cars in a sense to keep me on the right path if I allow that nudge to be known.

There is no way for any of us to know fully while here if there is a right or absolutely wrong way when not connected to God, but I will say that if your path keeps you coming closer to God, I say you are well, on your right path. If the people you are closest to are also on a similar walk, and Seeking, of course, and if you are happy and despite life’s throwbacks and such that very much could be a great confirmer. The Deepest if you hold no bitterness and understand and only Seek to understand each and every moment you live, the purpose in all that is not just good but also tortutous, you are on the right path. Truly IF you can SEE HIS LIGHT more clearly, you are being directed and walking in the way that proves you are listenining.

We are here to build our ability to withstand what truly is for our best growth to Endure the Endless in His Kingdom, I Believe. Nothing is unknown to the Creator of all, but again, with our choices that we are allowed (free-will), our path truly is our own but just as Google Maps can redirect us when we take a wrong turn, God can in fact very much do the same If again, We Listen to and Trust in Him but as Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6 NIV

Truths. My blood work came back and does not look so positive but it is just a one time draw. No need to go into numbers here or types as I AM just not going to get out of sorts about a single test at this point.

Based in comparison with my results back in May, I want to be concerned but I AM not going there. I AM just going to say my results were because I forgot to drink water prior to my draw when I had been fasting and that my allergies are just that bad here at home, sleep apnea could be a cause (which is another thing I want to give little attention to) or heck, they mixed mine up with someone else.?? I have gotten over so much in focusing HOME and on God that I trust that I willl move trhough this unharmed as well.

If the results are due to allergy, I just do not want to have to get rid of my kids’ cats in any way. I AM more concerned there honestly. My Focus is for my kids’ Happiness in any way I can Provide and Allow. With HIM, I will find the way.

Well, where we focus we are going to create more of so I remove my focus from such things as much as I can, as I have no control…none of us do as we are to hand it over…SURRENDER. Our Power, Our Control is only through Our LORD.

This is why we are supposed to place all focus upon The LORD and only on the LORD. No, it in no way guarantees that our Prayer will be answered in the way that we most want or the timing and such, but I truly Believe that He knows and holds better for us no matter.

There is Strong Power in Belief and HE Is where I choose to keep My Focus.
My focus is and remains, “I will seek who my soul loves, I will seek who loves my soul.” Lyric outtake from Awake My Beloved, by Praise Nation.

To have a Love as such in this reality had been My Great Focus and Dream but this time is for me to focus right where I AM and Allow His Hand to Bless this Kingdom He has Created in the realm for My Kids and Me.

I will never again venture out to Seek Love outside of HIM as He will provide. I will never again Believe in any way that I need any other outside what HE guides me to. I will never again become so washed in the waves here that I am unable to FEEL and HEAR Him when He calls on me. For wherever this path takes me, with His Hand in mine, I AM ready.

And now more confirmation as I write and Listen which is Edward Scissor Hands-Ice Dance by Vitamin String Quartet, now playing as I AM called to dwell only in the magnificent, in the Beauty, the Softness, the Peace, and the Joy of all that IS…THIS MOMENT.

and…Now onto Gratitude by Brandon Lake which Lifts me even higher.

I AM called to dance it all In and dance all else away. To remain delicately pursuing the Lifting Up by what I say is God’s Hand in what IS TRULY magical and the Gleam that leaves one’s path Pure Gold.

Well…have much to do again today…trying anyways.
Love is All, Every Moment I Breathe…FREE.



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