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Time To Say Goodbye

Warning* I AM trying to post but sharing what I wrote days ago. I attempted to edit but grew tired of that real fast as I So…if you Feel you can Brave the mess, dive on in. If you have a true hate for clutter of words and thoughts, it may be best for you to pass this one up. 😉

I sit here a drift galaxies on a path to collide
Without fear I hear songs that lift me up all the higher
Get me on through
Yet now they taper off

I drift as that is what I have always done
and looks like what I shall continue to do
To paint my world as I deem true
Awaiting for the Lord’s confirmation hue
To Line up I proceed and come closer to God and His plans for me
Far from what I would have ever Believed I would Adore

Now Here I Stand
Listening Deeply
All as His Songs continue to Pour on In
Melody forming the Flow of this Blood Within Me
Inspiring the Rush that Sparks New Life Each Breath I Breathe
Opening Dreams
As more it seems lining up for me now
Though they seem far off from the path I would have chosen for myself

I drift and while I do still Dream
I AM now faced fully with reality
This Moment
Here and NOW
This moment
where I stand
with only hands free of my own
No support outside His Grace
No Presence of Softness outside Heartbeats in Ryhthm
Always Syncing Up and Beating
Parting my paths for me
Opening further the Rhythm
and yes Rhyme
Even in moments lulling me Deeply

I Am reminded again
of that girl I was once again
Listening to Time to Say Goodbye by Sarah Brightman
and Andrea Bocelli
an old fave of mine
that one song I held close all those years ago
mixed in the sea of hard rock, death metal, punk rock, and alternative melodies
in my moment of the dark bringing me darker
to silence, no melodies at all
Yet, too my willingness to follow
Time to Say Goodbye
Seems much like what may have been a theme song for me
At that time
Blocking all connection to that of God
As I never remained in anything
nor anyplace
nor with anyone
as to me it was always the end
even if my own feet had to walk away
always I felt Deeply that Time to Say Goodbye

Yet…this song calms me
and it reassures me in a way I have yet to fully understand
but again
maybe it is just because it is reminding me AGAIN
that after all these years
the world has continued to turn
and that end for me became a new beginning
just as NOW I very much Believe we are on the Brink of Starting Anew
all of us
Yet, Flourishing in God’s most Loving Hue

the waves have continued to arise and fall
ravaging they seek to rage
tidal on up higher monsoon waves
the clouds have continued to cover the sky and many times dissipate
as the dark has continued to have its moment
all in what it thinks is play
with an agenda at hand
one that is close to an end
as Our Brightest moment is set to Begin

Truly, Within You
Love has only Grown
Taken Us Further than we ever could Believed we could go
Love has Blessed us with the KNOWING that we would make it through
as it was God who Won this battle for us long ago
and that right there is the Unconditional
Is the Real
Is True
of His Purpose for all of us here
When We Let Him In
It is a process of Opening and continuing to hold
OPEN that Door to Begin Again and Again in the Light of His Hue
In the Light of what is only found as Pure Intoxification
Ever-Magnificent we are found

It is funny as I just dropped off my daughter at her Aunt’s for a weekend of roller coaster fun and Time to Say Goodbye by Sarah Brightman and Andrea Bocelli came on during my drive home. I recalled this song Deeply and my sis how she was able to carry out that opera-like tone.

My sis and I used to sing together just for play at home and yes, dance as we did also to Riverdance too.

Who does not recall all the Riverdance specials? 😉 I think I actually wanted to go move abroad and become part of their group.

Times of softness and what appeared as innocence within what truly was youth. Now, here we are and this world which has been spun on its head and most everyone is left confused.

We as a world have literally had our eyes fogged over and covered as moment by moment, we continued to give away our power in Believing in and Enjoying life as each moment came on into our grasp and with what became information overload and instant gratification, we only became more overwhelmed and too weak to hold positive control as life became for so many more than one could stand.

Truly, we lost our right focus here in this life as more and more we allowed the god of dark to take over when all along we were supposed to remain focused on the Light, the LORD’s Light.

Sure, life was never easy and there had been plenty of hardships since the beginning but there was a difference as we all just Felt Free or at least it seemed within (at least the years I have lived). We seemed to just know in a way how to walk the path set before us with little direction as we were not always told how nor were we always guided. We feared not in making our own path even if no one else came along…(at least that was me), as we just seemed ready and willing to Live. A certain bravery to just take on the world but now so many seem so terrified of even the thought of such as darkness has become a consistent overlay.

As such, over time, fear continued to chip away at the delicate inner layers of who we each were as life can set in hard and in that, more and more found a reason to want to be seen, heard, and acknowledged, because more and more became lost in who they were individually and began to Feel not enough and on unstable ground. In many ways a coping mechanism I Feel, as when so much is unknown, many will turn to grasp hold of anything that makes them Feel somewhat reassured in where they stand…that fake foundation that allows them to Believe they have some sort of footing. Many times this is of the dark as it is always available and ever-present in obvious ways and takes little effort if any to make contact with.

Attention hungry the dark is but has only trickery and no true Promise of any Good Return.

Sadly it seems this had become much a reality for many over the past few years especially. So many have this false focus that every wrong and every hurt in life and loss is to be blamed on the Heavenly Father, God and God alone.

When in fact, it is our own selves that stumble and fall and get lost by trusting in the the simple and often instantly gratifying appeal of what the dark can present to us. We get so caught up in our pain, what could be at times our trials, that we FEEL weak and just want to escape and end it all so of course dark comes to answer really quick.

Who wants to take time out of their already busy life to read their Bible and who wants to place their trust in having to speak directly to and call out for He who “seems” too far and in many ways non existent…such as a fairytale? What so many do not know is Finding Him is in the reaching for and Seeking of Him. More and more, Knowing and Connecting as well as Hearing Him with Prayers Answered, come through when we first make effort through Pure Intention and Heart to KNOW Him and even more-so when we acknowledge all He gave up for us.

Sure, there are instances that many can be lost such as I was and come to Finding Him and receiving answers but again, while I Am thankful for having been allotted this 2nd chance, it was only because the only other option for me was to be damned to eternal hell and that I AM sure of.

Yes, I truly Believe this as I know who and where I was prior to my fall. Despite pills and other things having great effect on who I became, there is never an excuse. The Choice for better and to be better is always there for our making and taking.

Again, the 1 thing I Believe opened that chance for me is that I did in fact Call out to Know Him, the Heavenly Father, and to I truly had Within My Heart a Pureness of Intention in that outside the pills and alcohol contaminating further my mind.

I went through my own personal hell indeed as I have shared but while I did, my way of dealing with such was to self sabotage. I knew I was not right and I, Of course hurt others when trying to hurt myself but the intention was never to hurt anyone but to free them of the toxicity that I Believed I was becoming.
I had some parts in the way I was raised (we all do honestly) but I was never told how to be or who I was such as kids are in the school system today.

Expectations were placed on me, but they never effected me Deeply enough until right before my injury. Though I had hurt others at times over those years, I am sure, but I truly only meant to hurt myself but again, we are all connected so in hurting ourself we always hurt the whole. I never felt the need to prove myself in any way or get the whole world or even a city to Know Me and See Me and Hear Me and well, make me Feel ok enough. I will admit that I did in fact yearn this from those who were closest to me (what I Believed was the only foundation I had at the time) though I still Believed that I was too toxic to even be worthy to be known, to be loved in any way.

Silent expectation on my own part I suppose.

I may had went a slightly different path from so many today but I do understand why I had to and outside having my kids and being the mother they need in my new ways, I had to come to that full surrender to Meet God and Know Him and Hear Him and through my death was the only way I was to come to Full Surrender. I had to live my very bad and toxic relationships as well as I had to have my Heart circumsized further and more cleared in me for me to Fully See God standing right before me in my life every moment of every day.

When we lose touch with who we are or never even learn to know any part of who we are, we look for answers from anywhere else but right at home with us as we have not done the work to learn our own answers nor have we done the work to truly learn to LISTEN.

We look everywhere as we have not secured our Connection through Jesus to the LORD as again, it takes a Wanting, it takes an Effort from us, and it takes a Pure Heart no matter what we have lived. It takes a realization as well to know that we are not expected to Be a replica of Jesus and I think this is where so many get hung up as that is truly an impossible feat for us in this mere imperfect human form but we can always be better and more of Heart than most allow.

Many do not have the tools or the know-how as well, we are not taught any of this throughout school nor for most, at home as we go through our youth and now the system is attempting to sway us as far away from His Light as possible.
No fault of my parents as they had very troubling upbringings that they wanted my sibs and I to have freedom in choosing our way and given the harshness of their childhoods, and on my father’s side with the strict and torturous religious aspects attached, they wanted us to be free in our own choosing.

I did have opportunity through friends and such to go Deeper into the Bible and coming to Know Him and I never continued forward with them to delve deeper into Seeking and Finding Him, so many suggest such a different life I would had led if I had but again…there was a purpose in all of my choices just as in yours. Though it was hard…very hard, My choices, My Path has served me and brought me to this place that I FEEL I needed to come to.

It Is Never Too Late. That Is For Sure but I cannot promise that either as given all of these end times speak but one is only to come to know the truth when SEEKING and FINDING HIM*

Times have changed drastically from ages ago and that means that we as a whole society, a whole world must change right along with it but again, how are we to change for the better when we have yet to even know who we are at our present moment? How are we to Bleed our Light out onto this world when we are so afraid our own hurt, our own pain, our own moment of being alone and not seen nor heard…answered directly when we ask in the way that we deem neccessary?

When we are looking to a resistant or enabling world to present us with a layout in full of who we are and are to become, we will only fail and Yes, SUFFER. We Are NOT of this World. This is key to Learn and KNOW Always.

It may be fun for a while, it may be exciting and the benefits like a lava flow, but it all comes round to only bite you and yes, burn you eternally.

Maybe, now that I think of it, I may understand it more than I thought. I had my ways about me prior and a certain way that I felt that everyone else had to be I suppose. (if I recall correctly) IF anyone does not play their part within a life that is so dependent of others behaving or acting in a certain way or one becomes uncomfortable or out of sorts, there are bound to be big problems and more Deeply separation and inability to Connect to the LORD.

Much can be a trauma response in the fact that one will build up their life, their path as such in a way that they Feel they have control of it all so as they do not have to experience such and such trauma again. They do not realize that the truama continues and builds as that is where their focus remainsw and expectation and the god of darkness truly gets off on this failed focus.

I suppose I felt in my own way of keeping my circle very small then to almost no one and hyperfocusing so much on those I had kept close that I could keep any and everything so perfect that no other trauma would be lived. I had it all figured out, I had control or-so I had thought.

To live a false reality in Believing that we alone have any such control at all starts out exhilirating but eventually comes to a fiery crash and burn.

Today we have so many becoming out of sorts if they are not referred to in the right way…anything and everything just to get that rise of being alive and not so dead inside. Heck, my name given at birth has set me up for a lifetime of mispronunciations and misunderstandings and I could care less. It is fun as it is a conversation piece for me, honestly and as for who I AM, well, it was called at that moment of conception more-so prior, by Him and Him alone.

I got so used to my name being mispronounced that, to this day I just answer to such mistakes as well…I KNOW MYSELF in full. This name is only a piece of this worldly affair anyways, right?

This world has become such a mess at times that it makes sense why so many are struggling with such issues as well, when one is so caught up in what this world can be and worldly things alone, of course one is bound to have deep trust issues and so as a way of Feeling some control, one attaches something, anything to their self, but the irony is that even in FEELING such a boost of confidence and such a height in so-called knowing their own self, it still takes the world to acknowledge such as to make it truly work out for them in any way and guess what? The world always fails to respond appropriately. It ALWAYS WILL FAIL.

The same goes for people that start a gang, join a sport in some part, or even make that friend…it is in finally Feeling Understood, Feeling as though one is finally Seen and Heard, Known.

Well, the answer is never found by looking at ourself in this form, nor outside to any other…it is only ever found Within and through God. truly our best is found in Seeking Out and Learning of Jesus and Raising the core of who we are to become more Pure in this world even if in what we deem being alone. We are to Strive for such a Beingness, such a Truth as it is possible always for each of us to Ignite Our Inner Light and Pour it out onto this world and that is a DEEP part of Our Purpose Here to continue the work of Jesus within the limitaions of this form.

Each of us have a responsibility to Seek HIM in all that we live and do. To KNOW truly the sacrifice that was gave for each and everyone of us to have this chance called life here to make it fully and everlastingly to that place beyond the Heavenly Gates.

God gave Jesus as a way to cleanse us all and free us all so as we had this moment and this opportunity. I Believe this in part was our chance to show God that we not only respect but see such that had been Jesus at that time as the unltimate sign of God’s Love for us and that we each have the ability to (in all our human imperfection) level our lives up in such a way that we come to that place where we are as Pure as we can be and Pouring and Sharing of the Gift of Light that we had been given. We are to Seek and Want all that is of the Light, His Light.

We will never measure up to Jesus as he was born of the Holy Spirit and that is as pure as anyone could ever be. This in no way rids us of the responsibility to strive in all the ways that we are capable of to Live our best through Giving Our Best. This life is NOT a free for all.

There is NO easy exit strategy as I learned so there is no way to exit from the pain, the trials we are set to live. We are to be thankful for each moment good and bad as well, it is a process of bringing us to better and yes, it can be very hard to reach this place of seeing from this perspective but it is true and possible. There is a purpose to it all and Deeply all moments are to teach you and bring you closer towards Knowing Him and finally trusting in Him, Opening Your Own Door to HIM so He in part Opens His door to you as well.

Though we live not to only do good for such a purpose that is for His Promise alone, we must be pure in our asking and our intent, our Heart and Seeking Him alone.

Life is GOOD no matter what it appears right now. No matter rumors of wars, etc…We Are Safe and Sound as long as we Look To Him and Let Him In.

I will not go into it, but from the sources I read into, I AM very focused on the tides turning for Our Best very soon. This month may be rocky and there will be a lot coming into everone’s view so be OPEN and LOOKING and WANTING to know TRUTH as it is about to rain on in.

I AM all the more positive today as my old friend reached out to me and returned my phone call today. NOW that alone is a HUGE Positive and Confirmation for me. She has always remained the purest person I had ever known and in talking with her today, she remains.

WIth Love We Rise,

PS. I got off track from my personal Bible study and my friend reaching out today is another answered prayer as I was hoping to reconnect with her to help me in such too.

I just have a FEELING that many doors are about to Open Wide and yes, I AM Ready. I Hope you are as well. Focus There*

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