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All beyond the dots of one’s eyes
A world of wonder
A world to be
Open Door

Maybe it is just me or it may be the same for a majority of others but just as I learned more again tonight with my kids that it indeed is true that our pain is Our Pain (and compares in no way to any others especially in the moment we are Feeling such) our own experience through our pwn perception is just that and it will always remain unique to the individual part that is us.

I wanted to add to the first sentence of the last paragraph another thought as per my way since my injury where my days just seem to fly on by. Sure, it is said that after one has children the days as well as the years seem to dissapear without even a thought which is very true as well but I think mine started to fade away rather quickly the moment my head came to meet the ground that life-ending-altering night.

I think in many ways it is a piece to bringing one to the understanding that each and every moment means so much but truly depends upon what we ourselves define and make of every one. Suchdrastic life changes also can force one to shed the self that once was as another has been called to fulfill a greater mission.

Sure, not all come to that place of full out surrender and remain unchanged as they grip to the only self that they Feel they have come to know and I suppose depend upon in the smallest way they can though only through what truly is an illursion.

Some will grasp hold to what they Believe is true of themselves so much that nothing else matters of can come to be seen, heard, known as well, Fear reigns control through the fear that continues to Feed off of one’s hand that remains in its own.

We as humans overcomplicate everything and with a mind that allows whatever we choose to offer it in any moment, it can be very easy to be swept up and beaten down without ever truly trying or knowing what we (have done ourself) in aiding the movement of what truly is self sabotage.

Tonight I Listen to Heaven Bends by Illiterate Light.
The Lyrics:

** Hold my mind
Hold it in your arms tonight
Hold it til the bleeding dries
Enough that I can weep
Tie me down
Push my feet against the ground
Push your hand against my mouth
Enough that I can breathe
Let me down
Let me out
Holy rollercoaster
Up and down
Freakin out
Is anybody sober
Wish that I could make it stop
Haven’t my eyes seen enough?
Heaven bends
Beyond the light of day
My spirit from my pain, yeah
Dance it off
Maybe I can dance it off
Maybe I can try to moonwalk myself back to earth
Eyes on my
Try not to make a scene
Because it feels like I’m fighting
With every surviving
Broken part of me
(almost home just keep on ridin
Rocky road but the moon is shining
PPS everything is alright
Deep deep breathe it was just a bad night)
Heaven bends
Beyond the light of day
My spirit from my pain
Birthday, panic attack
With friends that forgive and forget
Screamed so loud, the whole town heard
It was raining, and I was sunburned
And the barn was burning bright
There was nowhere to run, and nowhere to hide
And I’ve broken down before
But this time
Something in me died
Yeah, something in me died
Yeah something in me died
Something died
Heaven bends
Beyond the light of day
My spirit from my pain

We each will come to that very place I had and we will not be able to run anymore, we will no longer be able to hide (which is a darn illusion AGAIN) and we will be brought to our knees and not only having to face who we have been and are but also He who Created all.

Life has never been an easy ride for me. I may had been bitter about such long ago especially when my mind was fed pills and I gave into a certain control from such but since injury, I seem to not be able to hold nto much of anything in the realm of bitterness, anger, gloom and doom and such emotions.

I always want to understand not just those involved in any part of my life at any given moment, but to also understand how my own piece played a part in the lives of others and how I either added to or lessened any part of anothers’s life.

I noticed that with the repeated falling away over all of these years that there was a purpose to it that I never understood nor even tried until now, honestly. I seen how important it was for me to be living just as I AM at this moment and raising my kids in the way that they need from my space with them and my moments shared with them as well.

I do like to find and connect dots and find patterns within everything though I will not say that I AM perfect in doing-so in any way. Remember, I fail and I fail again but I have given myself no other choice but to Go On and to Keep Doing.

Heaven Bends, I Agree, and yes, My Spirit has been resurrected from my pain as well, truly it is separate always anyways unless we in this moment sell it out.

Heaven Bends and it surrounds me In The Moments I WANT TO SEE such. In the moments that I give up my fight, I give up my attempt to control any one aspect of my life or this world and I AM welcomed into what I can only explain as a continuous Blooming.

Heaven Bends and nothing deemed broken in this world is seen as such beyond tha gates. We are whole and complete but the key Is KNOWING this and Accepting such. We may be in what appears as a seeming separate space for this moment from that which is Heaven or Lighter or even for our better but it is through us and our Allowing Him and Believinmg Him In that we Bring Heaven Here.

Well…haha! A day or so later and I had forgotten to finish this and post it but now working on another so we shall see if I post that one or

Not even sure if I finished my thoughts in this one but not going back to read this over…just gonna start posting despite it all as I have been slacking.

I have been writing here and there but have struggled lately so here I start again.

With Love,

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