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Give Back

There is a flame in me burning brighter and brighter and it shall all eternity.
Blooms arise and for always become as I stand and pour from me the rain that is called at will
the sun and the shine
the sparking high and pulling down
the melodic chorus dressed up in the core of me
delivering His voice
all tranquility

This Life

All that It Seems

All that is IS
To Be*

So…let’s celebrate as my single sleep study results show I have no sleep apnea. Another diagnosis removed from my checklist of what is said to be wrong with me.


Sorry if I leave you confused but I just see it different.

I had a darn traumatic injury, so of course there is going to be a mixed box of symptoms and continued crap as well as good that is a part of me.

It can suck at times indeed as I AM sure many deem me crazy as not many (even dr’s) understand the depths that such an injury can take one even after decades after surviving.

It is quite the adventure that is for certain.

Just as this moment NOW in this world, we are to take the outword appearance and the words and perceprions of all others (including me if you will) and make of this time what we will. Truly I say focus upon God and take His word as truth but yes, we are to make of each moment our own and in such we bring about more of the better or the worst of what this life and this world can offer each of us and be.

We are to slam shut the door to fear and hate and evil and all that resonates the same. We are to Open wide not only our eyes but too our ears and through Our Faith we are to find that place in us where we TRUST Fully what He has Promised Each of Us.

It took me quite a while to come to this place as I have always had trust issues with what I Believed was much of my outer world but all came back to Trusting in myself to not only Live but to also take His Hand and Allow His Guidance to Lead Me.

How I lost my way after it was He who came through for me all those 20 years ago and has remained, I will not fully understand (but there was a purpose to it all) as in my heart it is ridiculous that I had ever Believed this world could fill anything for me compared to what His presence has.

Now…I go to my neuro tomorrow to check in and see what other areas to look into as to what my so-called problems remaining are but I know such is just the cards I was dealt. This is MY WORK, these are pieces to what is/are my trial(s) and my path here that only I (with Him) can work through.

What I learned from my time before with lost focus, focus on the wrong which was of the dark and playing within that realms games, I Know and I Trust Myself to Know that My Focus Upon the LORD is not only for my best but for my kids, my family, my friends, my neighbors, the world as well.

I signed up for this challenge and just so you know, we all did at one point so take this sinking ship and do as you are truly able and bring it to shore whole again.

In speaking with my sleep dr today as he gave me the results, we came to the conclusion that while I may not have rumiating thoughts and the such that subconciously I have a lot of anxiety and stresses.

I AM a survivor as I told him and he agreed, so not only for myself but for my kids I have a way about me that I found that has allowed me (at least for this moment) to keep my ship clear of any disaster ahead.

Now…it is not perfect, no, it never is. We only become empowered and all the greater and all the more of the Light, His Light, when we face all that is before us and we walk this path with our heads held high.

We are all the better and are returned the same when we shut the dang door on all that we could fear and all that darkness attempts to grasp our hand with. We start to see through this illusion the moment that we close one door and OPEN WIde the other in Love and Joy and Full Acceptance of what Could Be not sop much the best for us personally but for the world as a whole…for HIS greater Purpose, Not our own idea of what we think that could be…more-so what we want.

We lay down all expectation of what this world IS and what it can be. We lay down all expectation of that path to fame and fotune and of LOVE in all the ways that we think we deserve and we come to that place where we GIVE BACK Ourselves and we Just Give Entirely. We shed all that we are and all that we have known and we just give even if just with some words like I do here sometimes, or through a song, or a video or helping another in any way that we can.

There is no painting over the damage that has been allowed and done and there is no painting over the reality that we as a whole have allowed to open and become in the spaces of this world. It was known that we would, with the weaknesses that are our human minds and The Book…His Word lays it all out.

Are you paying attention? Have you connected the dots in any way, even in what IS and has been the depths of who you are in this moment?

There is no other to look to to bridge the gap or repair all that has been broken or find all that has been lost and return it to you. Yes, we are to look to God but we are not free of doing the work, of walking the path set before us even if it comes with failure and pain, brokenhearts and loss, and even disease and disability or even what is deemed death.

We are to Walk in any way that we can and in that it is more of what we Allow our own self to. The Choice…a series of choices is such that is this life and one of the many is to choose to walk the path set before us no matter how much we may fear doing-so.

Dr’s can test me and I can have symptom after symptom calling for a test, but I AM here and I AM walking though some days I may be more tired than others. How could I not be with what has been this injury, the trauma I had lived even since trhoughout this process of healing, and raisng kids majority on my own.

NOT EASY and I know many would not have chosen such a path but this was my own personal path towards healing with a detour here and there with God rerouting me back to where I AM to go correctly.

We all need to come to this place of softness within ourselves and Lighten our perspective on what we have and are currently living. Nothing is easy and no moment for too long is without hardship or pain or even sadness so we are to Seek Him and too, Seek within Ourself Our Own Light and that we can share across the landscape of this world and not again allow the sun to be clouded over deliberatly again, to never allow Truth to be hidden from those who walk to See and Hear.

We are built for all that is offered here, we are resilient and we are more powerful when we finally allow Him to Be Near. Seek and you will Learn. Seek and you will Know.

With Love,

The struggle is real but we are each more than capable of conquering it all.

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