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Warning: This share is a spliced together mess, or at least I think it is, from days ago to today and the well that is me.

There are cracks in me
Cracks I thought long time ago dissapeared
Faded away
But here they are

Dang It

I sit here and watch them again Rise
Suffocate they attempt
My hands tremble and so I come here to type

Recognized they scream
Imperfectly planting seeds
Yet, I hold no care as to what is not perfect in me in any way
What is there to prove anyways?

There is no place I would rather be
Than here in this place with such love and without all those past fears
To be
In This place
With annoying neighbors
who laugh all day every day
and drive me to my wits ends
who make me want to remain inside all the more
return again to early healing days
of once fragile me
but instead
I AM driven
I AM wired and Electric Spark
Burning Fire that burn free all paths I walk
Burning Fire that Drenches and Washes Full
Paths for always Opening Bliss In His Name

I have written many posts and I Am too tired to go back and see if I have posted any here.

I AM just writing
and to me that is proof enough that I AM ok enough
as the past 7 years I was bled out
and suffocated
to the point that no breath was left within me
Paving my own path again
to what could had been yet another end
yet, Here I AM
trying to write again
and I will admit
the flow has been stagnant
and I seem to Spark
and Fade out fast
the end of Breath just a moment after I receive the blast

and now days later AGAIN…

Tonights tuneage is brought to you by “Drive Darling by BOY”.

Feeling it on in, the days that we must live, the moments that we come to face with ever-a-need to ALWAYS Embrace, the Love and the Joy and even the desolate and absolute sorrow as without there would not be any path to new tomorrows.

The smiles that may rise and the tears that may fall, ever-a-call for a new moment, a new tomorrow, a time to move along and leave behind with or without a goodbye, with or without a chance to take in full or have a chance to start again.

Each space upon this path summons us further and deeper in the knowing that we have the strength to perservere, to last.

Not always will we be accompanied nor have one waiting our arrival as this path, Our Walk is Truly for us as One, as an indivdual to work the grind. Who (if any) we come to meet upon or at the end is per the hold and the focus of that which is our Heart and mind.

Pure and not blind, Free and not bondaged, of Love and absent of hate Opens one to what is God’s directed-for us, fate.

The economy package with Spirit in the driver’s seat.

We can Fear it, we can hate it, we can beat it up and attempt to detour and run from it (this path) but the path always comes full circle and we always come to that place where again we meet, the joy, the agony, the full out bliss or complete misery that we attempted to part ways with and leave in the rearview.

Light is always shining whether we see it or not just as darkness always stands by waiting for us to side step, trip, and maybe even fall, come to that place where we doubt our own ability and in ignorance call again to darkness (in the moment we Believe we are anything less than worthy) for a friend, a love, a companion, a partner, a helper in simpler words, or a supporter, a Believer in who we Be when we lack the ability to recognize our own face any longer as it can be so hard to Listen for HIS almost silent whisper and oftentimes no answer at all.

According to this song, that one is our driver, our get away comrade, the closest one has ever had, a manifestation or an answer to what one Feels is their ability to be seen, heard, adored, and cherished in so many ways…Protected in many ways, as Heart Sync is Undenied, Unified.

“We Leave Behind”, the lyrics that stand so freshly out in my mind, “We” as in this moment that “We” drive “I” (insert you) no longer Feel alone, unsafe, denied.
“No words” as like it is said, “there is no need” as Hearts Sync on a unified mission, on an adventure of what if’s and all possibility with no promise of Eternal Bliss to be Forever placed within hands and no longer denied but without fear nor hesistaion the wheel is taken and the passenger just losely sits tight.

To have that One is truly one of the greatest Blessings Indeed, as even God knows that in this human form, we are best when we have a soundboard and a mirror for what can be this human mind and the pining of the Heart that can oftentimes leave us in a bind.

To have that one to return and Pour to us the Faith in Him, the faith in our own ability, faith in Love and the Softness and strength that can be another’s Heart and Hand.

We can act foolishly and selfishly and to find that one who can “drive” offers us the balance to our faults and our brokeness, a balance to our needs and our wants, a calming and balacing of all that is desired. To have such a balance we come to that place where we Truly Feel Free and yes, Connected to not only LOVE but to He, Father God.

Yes, there are many such as myself that have no driver as such in another human but that which is my own self remaining Open to His Light. The world rests upon the shoulders and attempts to weigh down, break the Spirit of and lead to voice shattering in what becomes one’s last battlecry, we who remain on this walk seemingly on our own. Yet, there are those of us who have been shattered to the point that we can be shattered no more so strength pours on over and fills in all that was cracked. There are those of us who have been so broken that we only came a place of finding who we Truly are and returning to Knowing Spirit in all its Trinity Forms which has only taken us that much Higher to keep walking and survive.
(Hmm…the above is written very badly, sorry but having what I call a brain moment 😉 ) HA!

“I Am smiling on the surface, I AM scared as hell below”, the truth for each of us as we learn the paths before us and that which is our True Flow. To say that we have no fear whatsoever is just a lie that we feed ourselves to make this moment and the next that much more ok, to build ourselves up just in case any turns to fold on us in dismay, any illusion comes crumbling down on us and taking final breath away.

To have no one near to dry our eyes, hear our voice, let alone our cries, we are here as soldiers and this path for us is that much more wide.

Not the strongest I know, nor the most able I AM this is true. I seem to lack many ways of being that I truly could use but I have the ability to not let it all affect me so heavily. I have this uncanny ability to now just laugh it off, forgt about it, or to just let it go.

So, though I do not have that one here in this physical human form (at least in this moment) the Holy Spirit takes the wheel when life decides to take me for a spin. Such as this Spirit, this Holy Spirit was promised to each of us and all we have to do is call out, surrender, decide.

Release the world in a moment, in a moment you allow yourself vulnerable to the Feeling Tide, the Emotional Flow, to KNOW, to TRULY AND DEEPLY KNOW all that this life holds and Gifts to us by way of Father God’s hand.

Imperfect I remain, no matter how washed I AM, the edges of me are chipped, broken, and fragile to the touch. No matter how many times I come to that place of Feeling Absolute Peace, I AM greeted with yet, another twist, another turn, another challenge that I must adhere, endure.

Eyes that remain damp waiting to overflow and Open an Ocean to Wave on In and bring Within Me Tides leading to further pain and confusion and sighs, yet, at the same time, waves crash on in promising much that is of delight.

Eyes that remain Twinkling have not become flooded out by tonights rain as well, there is a Light and My Focus is kept there. Forever My Umbrella Holder, My Driver, My Love, My Guide.

Laughter Spun and Melodic Strums of Song, I AM called by My LORD to Be in this Moment and Draw in His Light More and More. Dry My Eyes He has even when others I trusted sparked the flow, even when I turned on myself and caused my own Emotional Flow. The Dream, the one between He and I, the straight walkways and the curves of this path before me, I AM never long lonely even as I recall each and every moment that has been left behind, I AM led again to an Embrace, His Hand in Mine, the only hand that has not let go after all of this time.

“Drive Darling, Drive” my voice spills over and I AM calm and full opposite side of the steering wheel. For me who has liked to be in control, I AM Free as a Breeze, just allowing His Love to Lead Me, to Lead this car, this ride.

I AM watched over and not once has He left My Side. I AM Guided and Steered Right, Even in the goodbyes as He “dries My Eyes.” “He holds My Kite” and even amidst the storms He Sparks in me Delight, a Reason to Breathe and Live and Smile and take on the next step with Joy, Gratitude, and in the moments I need to, With Strength, Fight.

Well…just catching up here as I have been out, without a river flowing from me to this page. The inspiration had been stalled but the flame today lit up again.
So to end this for now, the spark of the flow that began today:

The Symphony In me all along as this threading of joy, ache, and bone
Symphony of Sorrow and all the ways it rises and unfolds again and again
Steps right in and shatters all that we know in times unknown, unexpected, unplanned
rise and tide
wave and crash
Symphony that ever-begins
Never Ends

The Symphony in me all long, crimson in color, ignited by light
decompressed and stripped of all that is bright
Systematic beats of clashing days and repeititive claps
desolate and dark
gray and cumbersome
Symphony that ever-begins

So, I Dream
In a call to again be washed clean, to Pour from me Light that is free
Light that finally allows me to breathe
light that is golden and of Love alone
Light that is For Always With Me
Light that is Symphony
Light that I Now recognize as already Within and Always nearest My Side

Well, I AM tired. Life has been pouring in with full force as of late. trying to find better ways to school my clan, keep my sanity among neighbors and the busyness that can call me too often but I know much is here as distarction is playing its hand in a good way. Much like my mind helped in doing during my deep sleep all of those years ago.
Now I AM wide awake and reality right in my face with hardly a rest or a break. I just hope and I pray that these words leave a path from which my kids can see that I did my best to be led to raise and guide them to their best and in what is right.

“Drive Darling Drive.”

Much Love,

PS. Forgive my incoherent ramblings as of this evening as I AM tired and hardly making sense.

Anyways, it looks like I may be remaining where I AM for a while longer as it seems, with no paths opening even as much as my prayers continue…His reasons are beyond my knowing and so I just keep praying and Listening for when and if ever the timing is right. The door is Open Here, so here I remain in this passenger seat. Despite the slight annoyances, I actually Feel at Peace here in many ways so that means something.


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