I write and I write in the moments that I do but I keep not sharing for one reason or another so starting again…
It has been a little while again, but I return again.
To be honest, I have a tendency to get a little lost ( suppose you can call it this) in my own little world. To say I AM overwhelmed is an understatement but I offer myself no other choice, as I have kids to take care of and a God to continue to surrendering further to. In my ability to get lost within my own space of time, many have felt forgotten yet, that is not so.
Many do quite the same but truly no one will see or hear from me for quite a while as I AM living my life and taking care of what I know how (in some ways). I have my ways that keep the calm and the so-called flow of my life between my kids and I that has worked in its odd way for years now.
And…despite all that can come up, we seem to keep moving on forward without too much hassle so I pray that it remains as such as this world continue to wake up.
I think, in part, this is why my latest ex and I met and came together as I can be somewhat OCD as he was (just not as severe and in different ways) in having my own little world and my schedule though my schedule is kind of all over the place.lol He complained that I was not structured enough in my schedule and planning and such but again, it works for me.
I think that goes with the artist part of me as art is truly messy in that there is no 1 way or a specific structure to any part of such…It Is Truly Our Own and this is what works for us as artists. This becomes more apparent for me when I have too much on my plate or am expected to comform to a certain way or deadline of doing things. I guess that can be partly artist aligned or even more-so with what is this past injured brain. Personality as well comes up I AM sure but for me who is surrounded by kids day in and day out and little interaction otherwise as neighbors act like kids as well, there is little building upon who I AM.
I have to get more dedicated again to my Bible studies as I have slacked up and I see signs that I have as well which is odd but I have noticed as I even shared with my sister a while ago that they had stopped when I went deeper in my Bible studies which was seeing cats that are not actually there in my apartment.
Just a glimpse of a shadow and it is gone but yeah, I take it is not a normal thing.lol I have seen people and such since I was young so it is not so unsual for me but I did notice it lessen and fully diminish when I kept steady on reading His Word so I need to LISTEN again and get back to doing-so.
My kids have left for the weekend, so I attempted to get some things done with the apartment. Yes, it is a never-ending process for me it seems. 7 months now, I Believe, my kids and I have been here in what has became our space and it has been nice and a little disturbing at times with some oddities in neighbors but again (like them playing late night game of something and choosing my window to stare into as I worked) but again, any annoyance is a sign as to more work to be done on myself and well, this space, my lil family and of course, to return to My LORD.
Now that it has cooled down quite a bit, this space has drafts and a consistent chill most times. My poor son slept in his jacket the other night as his room was too cold he said but again, my son practically will live in his jacket during these months so it was not all that unusual for him. Heck, I have to pry it off of him and hide it in the very hot summer months as otherwise, he would continue to wear it and still say he Feels cold.
No worries, I give him a lighter version to wear as I know it is a certain comfort but he honestly has trouble understanding that he is hot or not. He processes temperature differently (imilar to my dad who does not get too hot but is always cold and without deficiency) Feels cold during the summer months although he is sweating at the same time. Again, balance has to be found so he does not heat exhaust himself without trying.
Anyways, I Am excited today came as I was able to finally have a Ross stores day. I wanted to search there for insulated curtains that were a lil more affordable as this apartment has pretty big windows in each room so it has been hard to find not only the correct width but also such at a price I was willing and able to pay.
I had previously bought tension rods to hang but of course was a few inches off from the right size (to think I actually measured as well) so instead I went with a shower curtain style hanging job.
So, I Feel accomplished today as not only did I go shopping (without overspening) though I did forget some things even in having a dang list!
I returned home and already placed my son’s curtains as the rest of the house has been done over the past couple weeks. Honestly, my son in his thinking, refused to allow me to put up any curtains in his room tha past couple weeks as 1. they are too expensive (he is a thifty kid for sure and understands outside his big spender sister that I do not have a lot of cash) and 2. it was another change to something he had to make himself ready for.
Now, as per life, there is never usually any buffer of time between being prepared or ready for any sort of change so I hope he and I are able to buffer this out more before he graduates and decides to move along away from living with me. This in part means I have to push myself harder to show that all is possible despite any label, despite any ailment.
Today was the perfect day to do this as my kids went to their dad’s, so this saved me having to debate curtains with him again for round 6+. Both of my kids get this trait from their dad as they both Love to argue and well, debate each and every word that I say but again, I see that it is truly their way to confirm or diregard their own thoughts/Beliefs as even in the moments they argue what I deem as true, you see them over a moment or two, take much of what I say on as their own as well even though they had debated the total opposite prior.
Well…lets move on, shall we?
Break Open and Light it up
Flow that Lava Flow
You Bleed a Light
Only You Can Show
Drench the world as you Pour
Drench this world as you Rain on down
Bestow us all Your Magnificent Glow
I see you and I offer my hand, I flood the pathway with my own flickering of My Flame
Full and open, in bloom, to rise and drift upon this dancefloor before us that we have always had
I welcome You On In
Take me and spin me wild, dip me on down and twirl me again, SMILE…I said smile and leave behind all that lingers and grips you still
Let go of each and every Dream you have ever had too
Let go as well to this moment and all moments before this time and place
as IN THIS MOMENT
We are here
IN THIS MOMENT we are True and of the Breath that not once brings us down but rather, lifts us on up
Thread by thread
We are dreamt up to start again
Risen On Up and to the peaks of LOVE, the peaks that call, never surrender, summon all
To the peaks that mimick the saliva flow upon lips, open and wide, voice bleeding on out to scream, voice bleeding out to plead, SING
We, the warriors of this land, the warriors sent by that which IS GOD’s Hand
We the Pure and the Glistening Dew that Shines and Highlights the abstract pieces and the hidden lines
We, the warriors that bring the dark to Light, we the warriors that deliberately walk into realms dripping of crimson decreeing all He has promised, offered to Each Of Us
We, the warriors of a new turning of the page, the new age of LIGHT and Forever Translucent Symphonies that shall For Always Play Out
We have won, we the warriors of Song, of Love, and all Beauty that is to Be Ours, TRUE
We have won, we the warriors of all that is not of this world but the Heavens Unleashed and Extinguishing all that is saddness and, hate and pain that has come from the shadows and snuck right on in
We Continue to and will Always rush on through and suffocate all that attempts to bring Brightly-Lit Hues on down, to suffocate, and attempt to dethrone
This Moment IS OURS
This Moment is Our Atainment of that which is Heaven
Yet, there remains a battle to be had, we, the warriors with Heart’s Written on the plates of stone, carved out the path from which God gave
Victory is Ours, just as Victory was HIS
Laughable It Is, the dissapointment upon Satan’s face
Laughable, his failing to attain yet, again
Another Moment Truth and Love Conquer All
Another Moment, God for US, came through
Another Moment, You Finally Allowed the Dream On In
Your Internal Truth