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Pouring Light

Acsended on High the Song Starts
Begin Again We Sing In Tune
Smiles Meet and Open to Dream
Sighs then Fall From You and I
Bringing us to Let Go
Part Our Hands
Say Goodbye

Come Again, We Hear the Sky Say
Dip Your Feet Once More into This Spark
Elated Dancefloor Vibe Calling Us In
Bringing Me to Fall Into You
Pushing You Into Me
Arms Open Wide
Hearts Anchoring

Tonight I AM Inspired by Cindy Lauper’s I Drove All Night. Feeling it Now and Riding the Melodic Vibe until again I Tide.

Well, what destination do you hold, to Drive All Night to come to find? Any destination is of course some place that we think we will FEEL all the better, all that much more Elated and Loved, that much more Successful and Accomplished I suppose, too. Honestly, the destination is all the more our reason to get closer to Knowing and Feeling Our Truth, Our LORD.

I know now that I AM Here and repeating certain patterns in my life (we all are if we truly look) as I AM to take notice and Learn from and Shift from to step out the next curve of my path. I AM to finally come to that place where I entrust enough in My LORD to remove my hands from the wheel and just take in and enjoy the ride, that all will Bloom and be Beautiful and Come to Full Light.

The next few years (if that) are set to be rocky to say the least. Seeing today that a bag of chips went up about $2 more (I do not buy chips often) is crazy enough to even try to think of what is to come. There is so much that we can worry about and with me being an overthinker, it can be very easy for me to get caught up in such a pattern of worry but again, it is not going to happen as 1. I have an invisible timer of my shi* it seems since injury thankfully (probably just forgetfullness), and 2. I give myself no othe option in being the mom I AM as I have to hold this line strong for my kids.

I have come to Believe and Trust Further in this calm that I FEEL. This calm that was Awakened in me the moment my head pounded the ground, the moment I TRULY Saw His LIGHT and Remembered Again just who I AM and well, all that we are and yes, who He Is.

I wish I could have shown my kids just how amazing True Love can be when it came to having two parents in a household but failed that, if you want to call it I wish I could had shown them that divorce does not mean the end to all chances to what can be Healing and Again UIplifting Within what is another side of True Love after having moved on, but nope, scratch that one

Do I Feel I failed? No. I have shown them that I, as a mom, LOVE them unconditionally and fully with or without having any other present. No matter what curve we hit, My Love remained as did My Presence. I AM actually happy now being on my own again as I can focus more where I needed to which was my health and of course, my kids and mostly in turning back to GOD fully again. Sure, a truly Loving PARTNER would be great, but I AM content in my space of all that I have come to find.

Life is just that. Neither fully dark nor purely Bright at all times. Sure, this place can be a deep well of hell, but Life is, as I say, a test in many ways for us to not only Realize again and Remember just who we are and in that, coming to Recall Exactly who the LORD IS and Our Ability and Power through Him, as well as what I came to remember as the Purest Love, HIS LOVE.

I have been criticized much of my life for being what has been referred to as “a runner.” Whenever life got hard, relationships, jobs, etc., I would find a way to bail in my past. So, to say I Am failing Now in any way would be ridiculous as I have stuck this role out as being a mom, as being not broken but healing, both through what has been Dark and Bright…sometimes too Bright if you can understand that. When one is lost, all to omuch good can be overbearing and sickening as it once was for me.

I used to be one who would get tense and anxious when life became too good. If I was happy, there was a concern to be addressed as I expected the world to collapse at any moment, but now I see that the collapsing was all me pulling the pin that stabilized it all in the first place. I dropped my own bomb.

I had to not only find God again and Myself but I had to learn to LOVE each and every layer that IS ME despite who stands next to me or who does not choose to remain.

The old me thought I could test on my own the love of others. If they came back (much like those romance movies) then it was the real and true thing, right???lol
Now, as to the LOVE I very much Feel and Have Now with my lil family. Every professional and talk piece will have their own idea as to what is the best way to raise kids and how to not. Each person will have an opinion as to how one can come to breaking their kids or raising them in such a way that they remain full and whole, and I must admit that I have listened to none of them.

In that, I Believe very much that I have not failed my kids in any way as I have shown them the very depth of My Love for them as their mother, and I have shown them resilience when it comes to the battles and ills of this world. I have shown them my Love by taking care of myself and also choosing to do all that I could do possible to come to this place of Healing, by making choices that even they did not like that in turn protected them. I have shown them in other ways as well, which I will not ramble on about, but I Believe very much that I AM not failing since that moment I tumbled over and down that cliffside. Was that a failure though? Not so sure it was, honestly.

My kids and I are behind in the schooling area some and I may not have them up to full speed to be ready enough for when they leave this nest at this present moment but I refuse to place a time on any of it. I hit my milsetones growing up and I RAN, more-like fleed the nest but waited till 22 and again, that was a huge part of my path to what became my injury but again, I Believe it had to happen no matter so not sure if any other choices would have brought on too much different.

With me geting caught up in The World as in being on pills, and attempting to Seek Help through what is only of this world, it was more deeply towards what was my end when I truly started calling upon My LORD to intervene. I was READY for Him to take action for me. I think this is where we are as a world right now as many more have and some still need to come to that place of Being Ready for such that Is the Power of Father God to Intervene.

I AM Not sure if I think all is predestined but for God to See All and already Know All, it all still remains a mystery. I Believe very much that we can recall fully who we are and who God Is but I do think that our path before us is Open to our choosing in many ways (that free will) but again, all can lead to the same destination just may take a while longer, etc. We are free to detour but all we seek will take longer to come to. Again, in part of what i was saying long ago that we all have our own timing of coming to and being ready for God.
I don’t know. Just pondering here.

As in my own, I FEEL very much that I did find True Love Within the realms of this world outside what Is of the LORD, but me learning such was to let go. Oh, what is that song with that line???? …here it is…”by Stars, Hold on when you get love, let go when you give it.”

I, Myself, Created a Space that was anything but Love, I had cracked the foundation and blown down all the walls that were to hold the presence of anything that was Loving, I lost all recognition of all that could even be of Love as I had turned away and was being pulled more and more under by what was dark forces.

Nothing Good and Beautiful had the ability to Bloom in such an environment. In that, I line up with these lyrics as I had to let go as I had no idea what love was anymore and had no ability to give nor receive it. Nothing anymore Beautiful could come from such so I had to remove myself and later recognize it in the relationships I had since my injury and learning how to choose LOVE.

I had to destroy all space for any Light to come through so as Only His Light could finally reach me and NOW such floods out all that is not Pure of Love I Believe.

Now, right after returning home after comatose awesomeness I felt I had learned it all, I had all I needed to Know and recognize Love and give and Receive it. I had been Blessed by being Saved and I, as others had fed to me as well, I had an ability to help and heal and save others. After becoming a mom, that whole unconditional Love aspect threw me a curve ball as well as I felt I could just Love Unconditionally everyone, no matter how much pain they threw at me or tried to destroy me.

No so easy in this human form I learned again. to Unconditionally Love without having any need or expectation.

Balance as well as having boundaries, is very much a part of Love as well I came to found, here in this life experience as none of us are Jesus. You see, I FEEL we unconditionally Love our children as such is needed to help them survive and Thrive. While I Believe and have seen others make it without having such as unconditionally loving parents, it is always for the best if a child has such from the start.

If it was not for my injury, I would have struggled with being so unconditional with my kids. I mean, there are rules and such in the home but when it comes to my love, no. If I was still that broken girl from all those years ago, I may have blamed (even unintentionally) my kids for my struggles, my pain. I would have been unable to see them as they truly are and would have failed to Love them in the way I think they need as I would have never found the ability to Love myself nor would have come to find God. I would have never found that place to understand my kids where they are and who they are in any way as I would have never understood myself. I would have thought that they were here to fill the holes in me only.

Maybe that in part is why I came to these hills for further digging and revealing such truths. Kind of like Ghost’s of Christmas Past if I had an example, I AM getting the I had to meet all of these people that I have up here to see where my life could have went…possibly?? I mean, I could had been the alcoholic mom, the drug washed mom, the angry and blame shifting mom, truly all in all, the remaining lost mother.

I could have been the mom that I was told about that abandoned her kids when they lost their housing instead of reaching out for help like I had. I could have been the mom who took the abuses she has suffered and the losses of partners and taken it all out on my kids as I have seen many do. I could have made my kids Feel (and reminded them daily when life did not go the way I wanted) that their presence was just an annoyance and unwanted in all ways and that my Love was only conditional. I AM not saying that I AM perfect in any way in the way I have raised them so far but I know I have done pretty good to stay clear of what I have seen in being a mom.

I AM not here to judge nor criticise those who I have known during my years in these hills, but I have learned a lot and I AM thankful. I honestly have a lot to even be thankful to these friends and such as they did help me too even though they were struggling, and they did try to be a friend to me.

I hope too that my presence and time in their lives as well as my kids helped to shift something in their lives as well, even for the time we shared as none of them were bad people, they were just hurt, torn, and knew no other way to help themselves. They had given up and of course, they had to blame something or someone and that is typically whoever is closest to you and for them it was their kids and even at times, me.

We are all placed where we need to be at a time until we level up I Believe in some way or learn from the experience per se’. Well, that is part of what I Believe, whether that is correct to Believe or not.

We are all vessels that God uses for HIS Purpose and sometimes that comes with walking a path that is not so free of pain and obstacles nor free of people who are and remain down and out and even on attacks of you. We are to be polished like stones and what better way than trials and having to find our best way with those around us. To come to that place in mind and Heart that one undesrtands this, it can be very freeing as it has for me as we are all on a walk to find the same and none of the steps come easy for any of us no matter how much some may paint it all up to look.

Hurt people, hurt people, the saying goes, and while it is not right, it is very much a Truth that is just as much a part of life just as you in this moment reading this is. None of us are any part closer to being as Jesus IS, so we are all capable of being our worst and hurting others with intention to or not, although I do have a lot of trouble with those who hurt kids as well, they are innocent and I Believe all can choose better than that.

Anyways…losing my focus here again as I do.

Crash into Me, Part Your Waves and Collapse, Be
Come to Embrace and Sing as it is Your Voice that can bring about Calm again
Love Again
Crash into Light, Crash into Sky, Crash into that Ever-Longing Sigh, Becoming Again, that which is Lovely, that which is the Ever-Creating and Flowing Lullabye.

Well, GoodNight All.
Be Of Love, Be Of Light.


“Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid.”
Matthew 5:14(KJV)

Further Meaning at the above link as well.


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