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Rivers,Oceans, and Streams, Oh My

Ocean Blue
I Jump right on in and Drown into You
Waves collapse and rise again
Setting along with the sun
Sparking Fire that Burns
and in turn

(starts a few days ago and flows on into today as I do)

Returned home late tonight, Fog that slowly drifted downwards to obstruct my view waited till the moment I pulled into town as again, Prayers Heard, Kept safe by His Hand.

Now, my home was rather chill given it is down (so far) to about 35 degrees so a nightly shower was called to warm these bones of mine as I now sit with my mug of hot cocoa to sip as I prepare myself for calm and cozy on into slumber.

I felt more of the spirit as I had thought of Christmas tonight so that was nice. I think, maybe, that if we know the true meaning of this time and focus on Love instead, and on Christ, we shall be fine. If indeed we as well, celebrate all the days of our lives as the Gift that had truly been given all of us.

I can be all over the place in thought sometimes (which is odd at times), as my mind had been pretty quiet for the years of my healing early on but now I see that there is a Fire In Me dissolving to POUR ALL THE MORE though subtly still is the full flow.

This time to me is a moment to let go of all things that only hold us back. This time is a moment to realize again what truly each breath within and throughout us has a Purpose in BEing.

This moment is to Love, YES. this moment is to Embrace, and Be Thankful for all that we have, YES…but so many forget to be Thankful for this opportunity in full and that includes the sorrow as well as the gloom too.

Without all of such we would never come to find the True Strength that we hold and are and the capcicity that we hold in being ABLE to make it on through…Lamps Lit Brightly, the Power through HIM comes on into.

In full, with pain and sorrow as well as tidbits of happiness and overflowing joy…To be thankful for what IS our ability to keep rising when all the world turns against us or we come to realize it wa snever there to begin with anyhow, when much of what we trust and love turn out to be anything but.

We are to be most thankful for the sacrifice of Our LORD indeed, for without such ,we would have never been able to experience the essence that can be life with the depths of what LOVE Can Be in what IS this physical reality…more-so as I Believe is actually only a dream.

I watched a Jordan Peterson clip tonight and I find myself much of the same for the longest time…being overcome with emotion. Once you reach this place, after you endure the deepest of suffering (from which you come through and out of) you are forever changed…you are forever awakened to a Truth that you had long forgotten. You come to that place where you are full surrender even in the moments you only want to resist as well.

Peterson is still piecing it all together just like I have for all of these years of healing, but he has what I Believe as the Holy Spirit right by his side such as I. To be overcome with emotion with such deep empathy is ever-a-piece that I Believe is of the Holy Spirit’s presence.

When one reaches that place where they stop trying to figure this all out, where they stop also trying to control every aspect of what this reality can be and Surrender to full on vulnerability, One is Truly BLESSED WITH KNOWING even if not so much visually, even if still with certain questions lingering, as a certain calm continues to flood on in and wash all else away.

For some, I might add, there is no surrender and opening to becoming vulnerable in any way until the weight of this world becomes all too much, when the breakage of one’s physical self is so deep that all left is the exposure of the soul, and one is faced with the reveal of who is GOD.

Some can reach knowing by going through less suffering I suppose, but there is no life here that is totally free of such and as I used to decalare that this life was so unfair, the fairness in it all is that we can always find a certain balance IF we look for and choose to have such and again, I say this is by Seeking the Father, Seeking Christ.

As in this video I watched tonight (…”Something terrible is happening to me right now!/ Jordan Peterson), the truth that we must find in Our Walk in this world, in each of our lives, Is Balance. I think I might have spoken about this before on here but it is most important to be shared again if I have and now with further backing.

Just as in this video, too much happiness can indeed be sickening and well, debilitating. We are to dip our toes and have the ability to remove them when we choose to or rather are Inspired ByGod to do-so, and bring them back time and time again without the skin wrinkling up or without us losing all sense of Feel Within the whole that is our feet. We are to find that balance of how much is enough as per time dipped in and the other variables such as water temp, etc. as it is our feet that are to take upon the steps laid our before us.

What this world has done has taught us all that we have no ability to choose, let alone even know what is best for our minds or bodies. We are taught that we are not be trusted with any part that IS a part of who we are (though we are told that all is not such). We are taught that anything that comes from His WORD is only to imprison us and contrl when if yo utruly look at it, you see that the way to being free is only through HIS WORD.

We are taught that each and every part that comes up in us is something that needs to be quieted and solved, that a remedy muct be found as well, we are just not right. Ask yourself why the pharmaceutical companies have and continue to make so much money from us, the people of HIS Perfect Creation?

And this my friiends…

In part, is why there is so much damn mental health shi* that is flooding the bounds of this world today with only so-called remedies that bring about so many other ailments that feed off of and strip away more of the Truth that We Be?

We LIISTENED to and Trusted the wrong people, we Listened to and Trusted only that which is of this world and not our own intuition with Heart True and in Sync to our Connection to the voice of GOD, for He Speaks if only you LISTEN.

We are so damn sick and lost here because we stopped calling on Him and Seeking Him. We are sick and lost here because we lost our balance by breathing life into the fears that we had been fed, by breathing life into the dark that surrounds our path and not Turning In and Oening Our Door (not more to this world) more For HIM.

YES…This World is in part to test us, to break us, to bring us to ur knees one way or another whether that be for the Light or the Dark, but too, with the right Knowing, which is FOUND In The Bible…HIS Word, we come to not be fearful of what this world brings upon our path nor do we fall so easily for the trickery that is laid out before us.

We Find Our Way, Our Best Way through HIM and HIM alone.

We must be brave enough to take on the voyage, the fullness that is of the never surrendering seas. We are to brave a world that rises against us in every way and we are to brave still when there is no one that braves the same to stand nearest our side in what is this physical reality.

There is never an excuse great enough that keeps us away from coming to Finding and Knowing HIM as He Is Always Here.

We are to brave digging and Seeking and Searching for not only the LORD but too, the Truths that are of this world, no matter how scary nor how dark they may be. We are to be firece enough to face whatever may come up even in the moments that such may shatter the ounce of comfort that we had come to find, come to depend upon and FEEL safe enough in having but in the end may very well lose by either such leaving us or us having to turn and walk away.

We are to keep making our way down this path that is dreary and not every curve nor shadow is revealed, that many forces that only seek to defeat you persistently await for your every step to falter and bring you to fall…but we are to Walk WITHOUT FEAR in any way at all.

As I keep saying, I AM finding my way each new waking moment and day and I continue to Be Imperfect in my ways though I AM striving more and more to retrun to that place I had came to all those 20 years ago where the LOVE from me just poured and I held no question as per existence nor why each of us are here, nor did I question all those who were resistant to Hear Me or Share. To return to that place where I KNEW the LORD’s Presence in every breath I take and all the more in the ones I came to release and share is closer each day it seems.

I have been hesistant of this season as I have (like I shared) had an uneasiness of all of what I thought was this moment in our time each year. Then upon much Prayer and LISTENING and being guided again, this video ( was atop my feed and answered my question in full. Even more amazing is the presenter of the video who is Pastor Vlad Savchuck who happens to have a weak eye such as myself though he was born with his optical nerve being damaged. I Had to throw that in there as it is just an awesome thing.

I want to add also that while I share different sources, etc. on here, I, in no way, agree with every thing that is said by even a person I have found a tidbit of Inspiration and Truth in…that again is part of the dig, part of the search, part of SEEKING God’s Presence and coming to find not just who you Truly Are but also who Christ truly Is, Father God.

We come to find pieces throughout this life and it is us who has to piece them together, it is us who has to TRUST in our own ability to not only bring the pieces together in perfect fit but to also TRUST that the pieces had been there all along laid out by His Holy Hand for us to take on as our own. We are to TRUST that it is us to not just so much bring pieces together but to first See them and Recognize them as well as Give them the Meaning that is the most serving of the path that we have been given.

We are given nothing that we are not threaded enough to handle Within this realm and I truly Believe this though I had underwent some very deep stuff.
Christmas, I will say, is a time that we are to Celebrate HIS Birth yes, but the ways of the world have washed it up in each and every way that it could have.

Sure, we can come together with friends and family and offer joy and blessings from our own workings and doings without getting lost in the distraction that we had been fed for all too long. The distraction being that nothing else matters outside that high ticket item ,that nothing else matters as long as you alone or just your family alone is benefitting in some way compared to all that are suffering nearby. It is the distraction that all that we matter is what social media labels us as, just as that latest selfie showcases as well.

I AM just floating along here, I FEEL in so many ways. Life is far from easy for me, but Here I AM Living it, Breathing it in each new moment, each and every day that I AM allotted.

I have stalled on my path and have not kept up with my EATING of HIS WORD as I had been and I AM not pleased with myself for this. I have not been able to bring myself to fast again and that has irritated me in part as well. The weight of the world FEELS Heavy and it is time I tell it to depart from my shoulders as I shift this mind of mine again, shift this Heart of mine too, to HIS TRUTH.

The TRUTH of it all is all in the Beats of one’s Heart, One’s SOUL. There is no way to mask nor hide the Essence of who you truly are through this threading that has been interwoven with all perfection by His Almighty Hand and in that…HE KNOWS. Our Intent in all things, HE KNOWS. Our Love and Our Loyalty and our Focus as well as our Adoration is all in clear picture right before HIM. Our Dreams and all that has been our fears, our moments of sickness as well as our finest moments of being PURE. Our Saddness and our anger, and every moment we have ever called out for Him or ignored Him.

I have found, and those that have known me get a chuckle out of it, but if you were to attend a family gathering with me, you would see us all conversing along and then you might, just might, notice me chiming on in with the voice that leaves me, my thoughts on whatever subject is being shared…and come to never be heard. I have been caught attempting to speak louder and even yell at times but to no coming to be heard in any way. Then in moments that I AM able to break on through for that lil moment, the eyes of my family mostly cloud on over and inside of me is my own chuckle wondering why I even spoke at all.

Well, it used to bother me, it very much did and honestly, I know that I was heard more when I was not where I currently am with my emotions and such since my injury. This comes into play with us all being energy as it has been said in that only those of a same frequency can take notice or link up with such that is the same but it all comes back to GOD and HIS Purpose for me…for each of us.

I AM a Seed Planter…we all are in part. Whether or not I AM taken into a conversation or completely flooded on out, I had very Deeply Defined and Laid out pieces for others to come to find and for those who already have, to take them up and define as their own and fit them in the ways that they can.

Those who are Asking and Seeking and are Ready to LISTEN, Will. Those who are not ready or may in some way be guided by the LORD in an entirely other way, will not seem to take notice of what POURS from you but we are to share anyways. Each share Creates a new bridge, Creates a new layer of Threading that is to be built upon for HIS Purpose.

We are Threaded with Intricate Possibility that is to Ever-Arise and BLOOM. Each PIECE of Our Truth and Good that is INSPIRED by HIS Path for us from HIS Word and Truth in what is to set this world NEW…Awashed and Blossoming.

Maybe this is why I started writing when I was young as I found that place to where I could share the pieces of me that seemed to be brushed under the rug by so many others, the pieces that never seemed to be Heard, Seen, nor Understood by much any other.

We are to Seek and Dig and Keep LOOKING until we come to find the way OUR Pieces can be best shared and best in fulfilling His Purpose.
This is why I AM shifting on the FEELING of this Season again, this is why I AM taken all that has been my heartache and my distress for the past few months and laying it all at HIS feet as that is not my work in any way. I AM to find all the parts of me, I AM the ONE to come to SEE and HEAR and UNDERSTAND all the parts of me so as I can walk this path before me all the more in strength and for HIS Glory, all the more Confident with KNOWING Always that with HIM Here, I AM never alone.

All can be so complicated (like my teens’ minds) but it is always up to us to Choose and Define, to Feel and to Seek and to FIND.

Despite all any of us have lost over all our lives, it is time we Dip our toes into this river again and be swept up in being THANKFUL for all that HE gave us with THIS MOMENT. It is time for us to take all that the darkness tries to paint in its own way and speckle it with a Glow that can only come from His Name.

With Love,


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