Rambling Thoughts

Hello……………..

I have been busy in my lil world though I have no way of recalling all I have done in the past few days to fill you all in. lol At least for this moment.

No, it is not dementia (or is it?) or alzheimers I assure you (Dr’s say I show no signs so that is a positive, I think, lol) as I have dealt with this for over 20 years now and when I am in the moment of wanting to recall anything or being asked a question on the spot…my brain literally takes a dump out the back door and I have no way of finding what I need until some time later (maybe) when it wants to allow me to, sometimes moments, sometimes days.

Oh, good times. Fun.

I have been writing post after post since the last but never finished any as was cut off and interrupted by my daughter a few times from which my mind just quits altogether as the moment I had become cut off…you know, that back door.

I truly Believe that if…Honestly IF I had more support in my daily life that I would do so much better with all this mind stuff but again, going through what I had and then in the relationships full of trauma…ok, maybe not full, but with enduring such (that kept my focus from where it needed to be), I continue to have moments of struggle…but again, maybe it is just how it is meant to be for me as this life is not without struggle for any of us in any way. Hmm…and in not knowing IF my path would have been any different if other ways had been chosen…all remains unknown. I AM where I AM just as you are where you be, so we walk as we must from where we are or we come to pave another path entirely.

In so many ways, I want to say that the ways our path went is what was truly meant and that there was no other way for any part of our life to be as well, God knows all which includes all our path and our choices, right? I AM still trying to figure it all out but thinking that the Truth of it all is not for us to come to find out outside the words He had left for us. I suppose it goes hand in hand with holding strong and focused Faith on Him and the path that is set before us and walking it in full without any choices outside of what He has set for us?

This life is ours to carve out but truly, I think in so many ways that we are meant to make what is set before us to work in the best and most loving and accepting of ways. That just seems to be for me to be the way of holding unbreakable Faith and no, I did not do just that in much any part of my life for the majority of it.

I do still Believe in the free-will we have so this would say that we do have choices and we are free to make the ones we want, but again, I suppose it all goes back to the intent and pureness of one’s Heart, one;s focus upon God and His Light as the choices that we do come to make may-so prove if all is linear with His Plan, the path He has set before us… Just thinking here…

Back again to Pinnochio. lol

We are allowed choices upon our set-for-us-path but again, IF we make wrong turns, take detours, disregard fully the way we were/are called especially for pleasure and excitement, we must return to understanding our choice(s) and how we may have been wrong when in fact, the path takes a downward disaster spiral or pulls us further away from coming to know and remain with HIM in any way.

We have to be open to learning and understanding the depths of all that we have been and are as we come to wash all out from ourselves to Arise as the Best in Light that He has called for us. This includes even all those we may keep closest as well, as sometimes such was not a part of His plan either and the proof of that will be in how life is going since sharing or how a job or a living space and such has come to affect one.

Such as this apartment here. It, as I said, is FAR From perfect, but I Feel Peace Here and my kids are doing better than they were and are happy, so that to me is that this was truly God answered prayer sent and that the next step to our better path is about to open for us.

Not going to go into all of that other step yet, but cetain pieces are starting to appear and look promising…so we ahll see.

Does this makes sense? I AM not going back to read it, (too late for that) so enjoy the pondering no matter. 😉

Well, off to prepare for bed and read my bible that I have not been as Faithful in doing lately.

Now, the poem…

Peeled back are these layers of me
Face turned forward
Reflected by shattering glass
Fragments of what has been my imagination
All on a mission to try and set me free
Of pain
and sorrow
and all that has been misery
Yet, Here I AM
standing before myself once more

In this moment
Slowly I take my hand
reach it on out
to grasp
take hold
slivers of glass
drawing blood
at first
from wounded fingers
hands
scratched upon
wonded in time
all mine

Scream out
I do not
as the pain is not the harshest I have been fed
Platters full
laid out on the ground
pictures of paths walked prior
portraits of a future that seems impossible now
all in so many ways unrecognizable
nothing familar
nothing the same

Here I AM
appears I may be lost
Yet
here I AM
faced again
Shattered Dreams
Songs that continue to start up again
never end
and Here I AM
again
Greeting myself without much of a smile
yet, lips creasing up
fading and curving downward again
all to fall linear
expression of emotion
all that waves and fades on out
leavs me breathless
as in this moment
I come to find
I no further glow

This story is not a 1 time happening
this has repeated for the life of me
whether it be demonic
or sent by way of the divine
I have come to recognize it is only me
looking back at me
through the glass
splintered mirrored pieces
calling me to enter on in
step on over
take my hand
be a friend
yet again
impossible it is
as my feet are planted
seemingly
for a moment
in this reality
cemented in

Here it is, I stand
in a moment
from this
to the next
with mirror in hand
and one set out before me
Risen taller than I can see
and again I AM told to step
without even a glance at where I AM
to Trust
To Go
without being able to recognize
the illusion of it all
To Hear HIS voice in full
and just step
without even making the choice

In This Moment
my eyes fall blind
nothing appears to me known
myself included
in the threading of all that is this life
this path
the continuing shattering of mirrors
all that is glass
of happiness
and joy
and even moments of despair
thrown down before me
blast
yet
I Feel No fear

Continuing Mirror Patterns
Rising more and more each day
Until
Confidence reigns full
Heavenly Armour and strength
as in Truth
I AM Strong
never far from the threadings He laid out in Creation of Me
of this world
the Heavens
each and every sea
Yet, the meaning goes right over my head
and that is
Always for me to Believe
not just in Him
but too
In Me

There is a song that plays
and if I Listen close enough
HIS voice comes through
telling me all I AM supposed to do…

I AM to shed all that I Believe that I AM
I AM to shed all that I think each person is
and all that this world seems to be too
and shift my eyes
the rhythm of every beat
and every breath
the words I think
the thoughts I speak
to HIM
and all that IS HIS Light
and begin again
walking forward
without a hesitation in my step

I AM as We Are
to walk always towards
and with
the Light
I AM
We Are
to follow
to the Brightest
and Most Loving World
all in My/Your Hands
Placed By HIM
the Most Loving World
We are about to awaken to
Realize
See

With Love,

Cene

MBerCene@MBerDream.Com

MBerDream.Com

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