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Wade on through this mess

It has been a while. I have been enduring migraines for the past couple days (my bed had been the place to be for me it seemed) and some extreme nausea tinges but thankfully not enough to go further than that. Now I AM well enough again to Open To Inspiration that has again started to flood every corner of me.
It was a sad few days as I could not tap into any Inspiring thought nor even think clearly honestly.

Again, I warn, I will not make any sense but to me, I Do, and for me, that is enough as whoever, if any, needs some dosage of a sort that is guided here by the power that IS, they will come to know exactly what is being said here or even more-so, will be able to spin it all in their own way and hopefully gain some benefit.

The formatting of this is even leaving me in question. lol I suppose there is a purpose in it. I will just tell myself that as again, I AM ot going to worry about it.
Lets begin, shall we?

Dew has welled up and formed crstallized within these eyes, among the breath that is Within supported by the lush that are my lips.

Dew forms and fills these eyes, drops me on into Infinity that I have yet to realize, see; but a calling remains in me to pause, just wait, and turn in a moment To Be.

A humming continues along, brushing over my ever-internal parts as if softness of a feather was set up against and once that happens all anyone could do Is TRUST all that IS HIS Plan.

Beauty Rests gently such as calm oceans resting in each palm of hand, stretched out towards I, with a shimmering transluscent stare as I Breathe, am pulled in and drawn to only Gaze.

Moist eyes glisten forward and stare upon me with a hypnotizing play by play, I AM led to Fully Open, Surrender…more like I collapsed, fully caved. I come to Understand all in the free fall that Love is a calling, a space that is free, never demanding, always separate from the scars upon me, the stories they hold.

My chin is grasped hard by what appears a Light of Dreams, by Clenched fingers, closed hand, softly felt petals laid out across a palm of hand asking me to take hold.

My mouth is covered and held shut while at the same time my head pushed downward to suffocate all the more than I ever had to brave before, to Break on Free, To Begin yet, I AM called Again.

My Heart screams and pleads with me, for remedy, to be released, set free after severing, the cut off from the painexpected to be.

Pitter, patter, elixir is called for, Pitter, patter, screw the remedy, pleading for intoxication of a potion, twisted label medication
What a notion…
One dose here
Another there
A hand that trembles each ticking tock of time
no more shall be mine
Only for a moment more this Heart declares
All Euphoric as the Toxin pours

Medication after pill, after injection, all continue to be born
Slogan fest of how we are to heal
Sew ourselves up complete
Become whole
Without true remediation
Until that very instant
All threading is lost
One finally falls
attempts to take hold
Full embrace
the silence of all
The loss of all ability to Feel anymore
with shadows that only grow
overlaying all the knocks that once rippled across one’s door

Such overwhelming velocity
The Push
The Pull
The Vivid Colors
Crying out
next to black and white comic layout dreams
Picture reel
Brightest of Lights
Nothing is as it seems
Eclipsed with all a time of unfolding
Brilliant are the angles
Such Willingness
Such Smiles
Hung delicately across a line on into Infinity
One room amongst never-ending rooms
Front to back
Side by side
A room that dims the lights
Old box player
Records spnning
Brings me along to dance
For, it is Here
I AM New

ok, ok…next…

I opened a door
a door set upon forever
Love and all its magnificent pieces
Seem to line up and move in patterns
All too far
For these hands to reach
out of touch
My voice wont even utter the words I attempt to speak
Fragments of broken mirrors
Strung out across the floor
Turns out I have been here
I AM a ghost
Nothing more

Hmmm…different…ok…moving along…

Spirit of a girl, one who died fiery crash aside a trail of ravine
I see her now
Dress hangs torn
Cloth full of ash
draped over my neck
on down to to just below my knees
softness echoes back to me grace

No recollection of al the strums gone before
just a melody
and I
in this moment
this day
in my heart for always to remain
broken is the record
as it plays

Death it seems to have come
yet, here I stand tall
all the more in Light
for, yesterday has gone
the rest of the pages blown away
with feet that lead me still

Ok, Ok…the last I penned today…or is it the last?

I have been resistant to step into the realm of these pages, my heart laying out almost silently, and my eyes becoming absent of any and all light that cried to remain as darkness stormed the confines of my brain.

I was brought to a place from which I stepped right on out, dragged my body across that damn floor, opened the door, kicked myself up again to start this walk again upon my path.

Pen to paper led to little results and inspiration became a kettles that has been long overbolied taking my hand and guding me only to what became a deep and lingering sorrow.

Internal bellowing within me seeped from every crevasce in me all the more truths in this shadow world became exposed, the internal light now a scorching burn rather than the once nourturing sunrise.

So, I attempted to dance, I attempted to take my own damn hand and FEEL the Light Ignite My Core, but emptiness had penetrated deep to my core.

I attempted to dream, to breathe out all the more flourescent in color, vividly the force but all doors remained locked, barricaded against me in which most would have claimed as my defeat, but no, just a call again, to face the world in all its ugliness, to embrace it and squeeze it dry, set it afire to die and rise again…all is the promise in the let go.

All become the moments upon moments, testing my patience, testing my faith, testing my ability to not fear this path for me that has been laid.


Scratching words upon a page, first inspired movement days after migraine flooded on in taking my mind hostage, spin cycle of pain, on to yearning to just succumb to the waves to remain motionless and lay.

The lesson continued on, holding me to face the truth that has always been all along, to continue to only look outside all the show of this world, to hear only His voice, the continuing of beats from this heart through this life that has seemed at times to have left the building, come to full demise. Heart only drenched and pouring Light.

To recall and see again the misdirection of the heart as it separates beats from the very breath that Inspired all that it is: rythmic synchronicity.

To recall that all along, it was never about locating or finding a song, nor about hearing the right message along the course of a melody in any way at all…It was always about taking hold of that power control switch internally set, to rid us of all distraction, all the noise that this life can send, all in that overwhelming momentum to sever connection to all that is eternal life paradise, Word of God, Path of what is right.

I find that I AM mostly fearless outside the times I come to not feel as it serves as a reminder from where I have traveled long from.
Though life has been and can be overwhelming, I much rather Feel it and drown in it than to suffocate within all that is comeplete emptiness if that makes sense.

I have been having these headaches that have upticked for the past while but at the same time, I have been emotionally numb. Not a place I like to be, but again, could just be the calm before the storm of these migraines that had held me down for days.

Forgive the mess but my basic (not microso..) word processing software does not include spell check or any of the sort and wordpress does not appear to correct either so this is what it is. Or my brain is deceiving me again.
Late night writing leaves no energy for much else.

With Love,

Pop up thoughts…

I long had a thirst for what was this human experience in what was the depths of romantic love and I was shown I had gone about it all wrong all those years ago even after I was told again just who we are.

I opened heart…did not recalany warnings to keep some guard of it and I walked my part, and still, my resevoirs were bled dry or maybe it was me all along that never gave enough all across those times, maybe I did not pour enough. or maybe I gave all too much and that too was not right as not all can handle the rivers rush?

I have come to the conclusion that I have made it this far without ever realizing beauty of such when it comes in comparison to the Biblical definition with anyone in this realm, nor has the mere droplets been enough to quench a thirst that yearned at one time for a continuing return of the pouring that excreted from me as the flood that overwhelmed me created only more and more of an ocean that would eventually always wash away.

Maybe, more-so, this is My Cross I AM to bear.

I ask myself if maybe I had been wrong all along as none of us are here to receive despite popular belief as we are here to serve, we are here to give and I should have never wanted for anything, nor even held dear what I thought was good as dreams as for the past 20 years (outside my kids) much all has crashed and burned away from me.

I was reminded of what we all are worthy of when we walk our right path and that we are enough in every way to give and to receive on our return end. The day I went home and my eyes were opened wide, fresh breath was lit inside and the fire that pours in me arose and from it ash bled, yet, here it appears, my destiny is to ebb and flow only with tides, to feel the fire ignite, burn, and be washed out again.

Not a complaint, not a worry, just laying out and processing thoughts that fill in me per late night fog, as I AM set apart I know, I experienced the greatest gifts in being welcomed again into His embrace, in coming face to face and being reminded, and being able to continue to learn with and teach and share this path with my kids who all the more Inspire me to try, to feel and listen to and hear Him all the remaining days of my life.

I AM here and without even having a choice in the matter anymore and pour all the days I AM called to walk more. I AM shown all the faces I never believed nor wanted to be and that is strong and worthy, that is able and ready.

Love always comes full circle. I know this now. We only see it and experience it if we remain open to seeing it, even in the ways that we never imagined, even in the ways that we have nothing to gain from as life’s web where we can become impatient and demading that all be fair, there comes a day that we are shown that the Promis, the truest gift we ever are to receive is only once we cross that threshold and come to what here is defined as the end.

First though, we have a path before us to complete no matter how well lit or bleak.


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