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  • Veins That Flood

    Outside looks dreary, with rain showers and flooding that sweeps the hills and all the land. The sky of desolute hue and flocks of black birds scurrying accross the sky just to make it to shelter in time.

    I drove my car today as I did not realize the downpouring that would ensue. The roadways were soaked and the farms all flooded with many areas of roads almost completely washed out by the continuous fall.

    I woke with this urge to take myself to breakfast. Back to dating myself
    Of course, I chose a day during the weekend of expected consistent 100% rain to Feel such, just as I had bought my kids and their cousins tickets to Boomers this Sunday though (if the forecast sticks) is supposed to be rain free. We shall see.

    As I have said, I have always loved the presence of rain…forever I shall be a part of I decklare time after time.

    I have always felt a calm rush on over me and as if flowing through my veins, a wave of Pure Love fill me. Todays drive I felt much of the same and with my fingers having rubbed across my cross necklace which hangs in my car, I thanked Jesus again and I prayed for the blessing that is this downpour and His hand that would take me from home to where I needed to be and back again without any trouble and He proved His Presence in my life again.

    Now…tomorrow when I have to drive over an hour to and from my destination with my kids on the return portion, I pray that His hand guides me once again…but I have no weariness so I know that all will be just fine.

    It actually became kind of scary at some parts of my trip today but again, this now changed mind, never let such thoughts remain. We all should think in similar ways, as we are here in this NOW and there is a reason, a great reason for this…we are to Find HIM and to find TRUST in all that HE can do for us…whether we remain here or not.

    This is why, as the rain poured today and all the recent past, I did not get all worked up about being on this hillside in fear of this complex sliding on down (the thought did appear, lol) and that my bedroom/kitchen wall could break and allow the flood to enter as the same had happened to my old 4-plex I lived in about 7 years ago. No fun, but as I see all that has been my life, I AM to, with full force, in full TRUST, Lean on the LORD and know that He will get me through unscathed.

    I also left on my hour away trip today and halfway realized that I left the wall heater on which panicked me for a about a minute and then I just said had to say f* it as I was not turning back. Ha! If it all goes up in flames, then we start again…that is all we can do. Although I was having a hard time as the cats were home.

    Anyways, all was still standing as before when I returned and the roadways were mostly clear. The part I AM most thankful on is that no other really followed me on the way back which definitely helped ease anxieties…until of course, I had that thought as to why maybe no other was heading up the hill as I was. 😉

    I truly Believe that in part, me being a mom during these times is what is helping me best as I can be an overthinker. I AM so distracted the majority of the time with just my duties here at home with my kids that I have not much else room to worry about anything else. Of course, this past injury has helped much as well, no place to hold much worry when God is in rules what this mind holds now.

    This again, is the joy and the blessing of writing for me as I come to find and know more all that I AM Blessed with and how I may be able to help others as well.

    What I write or Feel Pulled towards writing, I, in that moment, CREATE and that beating of my heart spreads like wildfire across the bounds known as this world with the help of God’s hand.

    I watch videos of others testifying and sharing His Word and I want to FEEL Small and that I AM not doing enough nor the right things for Him. I want to compare my ability to write to those who truly exceed me in every way, and I AM brought back again to just turn my music on and pull this pen out again. I AM called to write and in no way hesitate as in ignoring Him, I will only be led astray again.

    There is so much…SO MUCH that I wish I had done differently all along this path of healing, all Within each and every day that I have shared with my kids and each and every person I had shared any moment with. I had wished that I had been able to HEAL faster and in such a way that no other was hurt nor felt left behind or ignored or neglected by what had been my spacey and at times very sensitive mind. I had wished too that I would be able to find a way to go back and right all of my wrongs though NOW I know that I cannot and that I Truly do not need to.

    I AM reminded again as to the gift that this moment for me has been and continues to be. I AM reminded that I was given a chance to make the path before me right in the ways that I could no matter what I was presented and no matter what I had to endure, and no matter who would ever be nearest my side or furtherst.

    I had feared losing all before and it was only through the continuous falling away that I learned of God’s continuous presence near me and His hand in my own. It was the continous falling away that cleared the way for His Light to come on through and Allow me to be led in such a way that (despite all the crap I lived for many years since) protected me and my kids as well.

    I AM just FEELING all the more walls having come down in me today, in this moment. I AM Feeling all the more FREE in Being in this HERE and NOW and that TRULY…all is Well and is going to be ok.

    It has not been easy, my kids had lived through a lot in having a mom that has been in the process of healing for all of their lives. I cannot recall much of their earlier years which pains me, but again, I come to see more and more the comforts that they had found in being with me so I will push on and continue doing the best I can for them.

    You find something outside yourself to endure successfully this life. This life is not without pain nor loss nor is it going to offer you all you could ever dream without anything in return from you.

    In finding something…someone outside of yourself that you FEEL a deeper purpose in living, you find the best that is you. This can and in many ways should be God alone, but while we are here, we are served a multiude of people that can aid our path…both good and bad.

    I spoke to my local postal lady the day prior to Christmas and she mentioned that she had no family as those closest to her had past on such as both parents and her siblings. They used to have large family gatherings during the holidays and it was never about the gifts but just the love that was shared…now she has struggled to even like this season at all. In her words, she “hates Christmas.”

    And…I get it, I do but just as she had…we find something that helps us to LIVE while we are here enduring all that we are up to endure and she has come to find that during Christmas she receives and responds to Santa letters for the kids and that in part, has given her some different sense of peace during this time of the year.

    To think too that she works at the USPS and during Christmas, you are just flooded with people coming in and out and sending their Christmas packages and cards and also saying Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to you repeatedly.

    Despite all, You keep seeing smiling faces and also those who are stressed abou the rush of the season and it is up to you to greet them with a smile and help them through their moment for the season all the while, you cannot handle the upsoming day at all in your own world. That to me was strength as until the moment she opened to me (as most do) I had no clue that she was dealing with such as she was always smiling and laughing and cheery.

    Holding the weight of the world and never allowing it to break us is what she was doing and so I was glad that she opened to me and shared her struggle with me as I was able to offer her my Heart, My Love, and My Understanding thorugh my Empathy for her. I was able to LISTEN to Her and give her that moment that I do Believe, God intended for her to have and with me listening and being who I was for that moment, she was able to POUR and Be Received.

    Besides being the best mom I can be for my kids, the most I want out of this life is not so much for myself but to be as such for others and for many years, I shut myself off to being such due to what had been intense healing and conintuing struggle. This time in the world is said to get worse so we shall see, but the more we POUR and the more we allow ourselves to stand in a place to RECEIVE…all the more better this coming year shall be…no matter, as we Forever Rest In HIS hands.

    2023 shall be a year of further awakening for us all. It shall be a year that LOVE swells up so full that it pours over on throughout all that is the lands, washing out all that is in any way opposite of such. We will come to that place that we finally and truly realize the worth that we each hold and all the joys that we are beyond worthy of.

    We shall come to a place that we no longer are fooled by the deceptions of what has been the lower darkness and we will gain confidence in sharing not only our voice but also the Beauty that exists Within all that We Are.
    We are to BREAK Open this world in such a world that it shall only be flooded IN LIGHT with all else exposed and flushed on out to never return again.
    I Believe. I DO.

    With Love, always near and always listening,

    PS. IF any of you wish to dig deeper into what may be the times in this world, I suggest looking into Redacted which is on youtube. On top of that also keep your heart syncing in beats and rising by KEEPING God close and diving deeper into His Word. LISTEN and you will be led to CREATE as well in some way from the deep well of creative spirit that lingers in you. To be seen, to be heard, to be understood…one must first come to LISTEN and TRULY HEAR and in that Understand…Find Wisdom which is found In HIS WORD when we SEEK and ASK HIM and you will too will come to Peace no matter how desolate the skies turn.

  • Moments

    Let me start here by saying that I AM very lost on where I AM with all of this blog/journaling thing here. Ha! Life of me…I think now it has been about 9 days since I shared last?? I fully Believed that I had returned to share since at least Christmas but it appears I have not.

    Well, for now, with my kids having left for a weekend again, I guess I AM less distracted in my duties as a mom and am coming into the moment with being able to Look Out into Wonder and again become Inspired and Write in some way.

    I just FEEL like penning a poem, or you can call it a rambling if you prefer. 😉

    Meant To Be
    Such as the depths of the sea
    Forever washing waves up against who I AM
    Who You Be.

    Meant To Be
    Waves in union
    far from any way in-sync
    grasping hold the hands of we

    Meant To Be
    bringing us down

    Meant To Be
    taking Our Breath

    Meant To Be
    holding us hostage

    Meant To Be
    drowning us completely

    Meant To Be
    all that we had been and are To Be
    Every Moment
    splitting us far for what felt eternity

    Meant To Be
    Drenched for what seemed a moment
    Drenched and then we soared
    Only to be lifted up and wrung on out
    torched to the fire
    set upright
    told to walk again
    Within and thereabout to Love
    once our eyes too blind to see.

    Meant To Be
    This Rain that drizzles on down again
    feet settled and calm in a moment of no pain
    though toes refusing in this moment To Dance again
    merely taking in the Peace of this moment
    brought by what has become heavy lips lined in Crystallized Shine
    Bright Droplet State of solemn shores
    IS THIS the works of God
    all that IS Divine?

    Meant To Be
    Broken Wide Open
    all Within the space that is this song
    Strummed Internally
    For all the years we have strived forward
    fell and broken
    opened eyes
    longed for one moment more
    to come to and Be Embraced
    Ocean Shores

    Meant To Be
    the times we idly sat by
    the times we braved the magic of play
    all Being the inscription we made amongst the waves
    Pulling the ocean all the more close as we became the new Magnificent shore
    laying out
    sun bathed…perhaps
    all the Beauty the waters fed to us Freely
    Bellies becoming full spiritually

    Meant To Be
    all the more closer we were called to bring this Dream
    even in the stretches of agonizing pain and head-spin
    loss and fragility
    NOW Finally
    in This Moment
    we no longer fear the fall
    built on up to soldier on WE ARE
    as we fear no longer the tumbling down
    the Coming Waves
    the Ocean Floors abruptly meeting Our Knees

    Meant To Be
    We Scream
    and Dive In Full
    Meant To Be
    we Freely Leap
    from Our Feet
    Time and time again

    Meant To Be
    We Scream
    We Fall
    Leaping from the greatest of peaks
    all carved out
    Beauty Is All

    Meant To Be
    Eyes Can See

    Meant To Be
    As We Sing
    As We Be
    Each Spark We Breathe

    Meant To Be
    As We Dreamed
    In This Moment
    Allow It To Be

    …and I AM tired… I went to edit and well, “that is not happening”, I told myself half way through. 😉

    Hopefully I can catch up on here on this blog tomorrow as have an outing with the kiddos Sunday, so, we shall see.

    Life has definitely sped up and all has been rushing on by. Have you taken notice at all?

    All the more important it is for us to Focus Deep and Keep Love Nearest Always Our Side. Keep Love rolling off your tongue and filling the Ocean Pools of Your Eyes. Allow Love to appear as droplets upon your lips and extend out from each Breath, PURE as we continue to Scortch Open the pathway for Love to sweep this world in Light for all to Endure.


  • Rivers,Oceans, and Streams, Oh My

    Ocean Blue
    I Jump right on in and Drown into You
    Waves collapse and rise again
    Setting along with the sun
    Sparking Fire that Burns
    and in turn

    (starts a few days ago and flows on into today as I do)

    Returned home late tonight, Fog that slowly drifted downwards to obstruct my view waited till the moment I pulled into town as again, Prayers Heard, Kept safe by His Hand.

    Now, my home was rather chill given it is down (so far) to about 35 degrees so a nightly shower was called to warm these bones of mine as I now sit with my mug of hot cocoa to sip as I prepare myself for calm and cozy on into slumber.

    I felt more of the spirit as I had thought of Christmas tonight so that was nice. I think, maybe, that if we know the true meaning of this time and focus on Love instead, and on Christ, we shall be fine. If indeed we as well, celebrate all the days of our lives as the Gift that had truly been given all of us.

    I can be all over the place in thought sometimes (which is odd at times), as my mind had been pretty quiet for the years of my healing early on but now I see that there is a Fire In Me dissolving to POUR ALL THE MORE though subtly still is the full flow.

    This time to me is a moment to let go of all things that only hold us back. This time is a moment to realize again what truly each breath within and throughout us has a Purpose in BEing.

    This moment is to Love, YES. this moment is to Embrace, and Be Thankful for all that we have, YES…but so many forget to be Thankful for this opportunity in full and that includes the sorrow as well as the gloom too.

    Without all of such we would never come to find the True Strength that we hold and are and the capcicity that we hold in being ABLE to make it on through…Lamps Lit Brightly, the Power through HIM comes on into.

    In full, with pain and sorrow as well as tidbits of happiness and overflowing joy…To be thankful for what IS our ability to keep rising when all the world turns against us or we come to realize it wa snever there to begin with anyhow, when much of what we trust and love turn out to be anything but.

    We are to be most thankful for the sacrifice of Our LORD indeed, for without such ,we would have never been able to experience the essence that can be life with the depths of what LOVE Can Be in what IS this physical reality…more-so as I Believe is actually only a dream.

    I watched a Jordan Peterson clip tonight and I find myself much of the same for the longest time…being overcome with emotion. Once you reach this place, after you endure the deepest of suffering (from which you come through and out of) you are forever changed…you are forever awakened to a Truth that you had long forgotten. You come to that place where you are full surrender even in the moments you only want to resist as well.

    Peterson is still piecing it all together just like I have for all of these years of healing, but he has what I Believe as the Holy Spirit right by his side such as I. To be overcome with emotion with such deep empathy is ever-a-piece that I Believe is of the Holy Spirit’s presence.

    When one reaches that place where they stop trying to figure this all out, where they stop also trying to control every aspect of what this reality can be and Surrender to full on vulnerability, One is Truly BLESSED WITH KNOWING even if not so much visually, even if still with certain questions lingering, as a certain calm continues to flood on in and wash all else away.

    For some, I might add, there is no surrender and opening to becoming vulnerable in any way until the weight of this world becomes all too much, when the breakage of one’s physical self is so deep that all left is the exposure of the soul, and one is faced with the reveal of who is GOD.

    Some can reach knowing by going through less suffering I suppose, but there is no life here that is totally free of such and as I used to decalare that this life was so unfair, the fairness in it all is that we can always find a certain balance IF we look for and choose to have such and again, I say this is by Seeking the Father, Seeking Christ.

    As in this video I watched tonight (…”Something terrible is happening to me right now!/ Jordan Peterson), the truth that we must find in Our Walk in this world, in each of our lives, Is Balance. I think I might have spoken about this before on here but it is most important to be shared again if I have and now with further backing.

    Just as in this video, too much happiness can indeed be sickening and well, debilitating. We are to dip our toes and have the ability to remove them when we choose to or rather are Inspired ByGod to do-so, and bring them back time and time again without the skin wrinkling up or without us losing all sense of Feel Within the whole that is our feet. We are to find that balance of how much is enough as per time dipped in and the other variables such as water temp, etc. as it is our feet that are to take upon the steps laid our before us.

    What this world has done has taught us all that we have no ability to choose, let alone even know what is best for our minds or bodies. We are taught that we are not be trusted with any part that IS a part of who we are (though we are told that all is not such). We are taught that anything that comes from His WORD is only to imprison us and contrl when if yo utruly look at it, you see that the way to being free is only through HIS WORD.

    We are taught that each and every part that comes up in us is something that needs to be quieted and solved, that a remedy muct be found as well, we are just not right. Ask yourself why the pharmaceutical companies have and continue to make so much money from us, the people of HIS Perfect Creation?

    And this my friiends…

    In part, is why there is so much damn mental health shi* that is flooding the bounds of this world today with only so-called remedies that bring about so many other ailments that feed off of and strip away more of the Truth that We Be?

    We LIISTENED to and Trusted the wrong people, we Listened to and Trusted only that which is of this world and not our own intuition with Heart True and in Sync to our Connection to the voice of GOD, for He Speaks if only you LISTEN.

    We are so damn sick and lost here because we stopped calling on Him and Seeking Him. We are sick and lost here because we lost our balance by breathing life into the fears that we had been fed, by breathing life into the dark that surrounds our path and not Turning In and Oening Our Door (not more to this world) more For HIM.

    YES…This World is in part to test us, to break us, to bring us to ur knees one way or another whether that be for the Light or the Dark, but too, with the right Knowing, which is FOUND In The Bible…HIS Word, we come to not be fearful of what this world brings upon our path nor do we fall so easily for the trickery that is laid out before us.

    We Find Our Way, Our Best Way through HIM and HIM alone.

    We must be brave enough to take on the voyage, the fullness that is of the never surrendering seas. We are to brave a world that rises against us in every way and we are to brave still when there is no one that braves the same to stand nearest our side in what is this physical reality.

    There is never an excuse great enough that keeps us away from coming to Finding and Knowing HIM as He Is Always Here.

    We are to brave digging and Seeking and Searching for not only the LORD but too, the Truths that are of this world, no matter how scary nor how dark they may be. We are to be firece enough to face whatever may come up even in the moments that such may shatter the ounce of comfort that we had come to find, come to depend upon and FEEL safe enough in having but in the end may very well lose by either such leaving us or us having to turn and walk away.

    We are to keep making our way down this path that is dreary and not every curve nor shadow is revealed, that many forces that only seek to defeat you persistently await for your every step to falter and bring you to fall…but we are to Walk WITHOUT FEAR in any way at all.

    As I keep saying, I AM finding my way each new waking moment and day and I continue to Be Imperfect in my ways though I AM striving more and more to retrun to that place I had came to all those 20 years ago where the LOVE from me just poured and I held no question as per existence nor why each of us are here, nor did I question all those who were resistant to Hear Me or Share. To return to that place where I KNEW the LORD’s Presence in every breath I take and all the more in the ones I came to release and share is closer each day it seems.

    I have been hesistant of this season as I have (like I shared) had an uneasiness of all of what I thought was this moment in our time each year. Then upon much Prayer and LISTENING and being guided again, this video ( was atop my feed and answered my question in full. Even more amazing is the presenter of the video who is Pastor Vlad Savchuck who happens to have a weak eye such as myself though he was born with his optical nerve being damaged. I Had to throw that in there as it is just an awesome thing.

    I want to add also that while I share different sources, etc. on here, I, in no way, agree with every thing that is said by even a person I have found a tidbit of Inspiration and Truth in…that again is part of the dig, part of the search, part of SEEKING God’s Presence and coming to find not just who you Truly Are but also who Christ truly Is, Father God.

    We come to find pieces throughout this life and it is us who has to piece them together, it is us who has to TRUST in our own ability to not only bring the pieces together in perfect fit but to also TRUST that the pieces had been there all along laid out by His Holy Hand for us to take on as our own. We are to TRUST that it is us to not just so much bring pieces together but to first See them and Recognize them as well as Give them the Meaning that is the most serving of the path that we have been given.

    We are given nothing that we are not threaded enough to handle Within this realm and I truly Believe this though I had underwent some very deep stuff.
    Christmas, I will say, is a time that we are to Celebrate HIS Birth yes, but the ways of the world have washed it up in each and every way that it could have.

    Sure, we can come together with friends and family and offer joy and blessings from our own workings and doings without getting lost in the distraction that we had been fed for all too long. The distraction being that nothing else matters outside that high ticket item ,that nothing else matters as long as you alone or just your family alone is benefitting in some way compared to all that are suffering nearby. It is the distraction that all that we matter is what social media labels us as, just as that latest selfie showcases as well.

    I AM just floating along here, I FEEL in so many ways. Life is far from easy for me, but Here I AM Living it, Breathing it in each new moment, each and every day that I AM allotted.

    I have stalled on my path and have not kept up with my EATING of HIS WORD as I had been and I AM not pleased with myself for this. I have not been able to bring myself to fast again and that has irritated me in part as well. The weight of the world FEELS Heavy and it is time I tell it to depart from my shoulders as I shift this mind of mine again, shift this Heart of mine too, to HIS TRUTH.

    The TRUTH of it all is all in the Beats of one’s Heart, One’s SOUL. There is no way to mask nor hide the Essence of who you truly are through this threading that has been interwoven with all perfection by His Almighty Hand and in that…HE KNOWS. Our Intent in all things, HE KNOWS. Our Love and Our Loyalty and our Focus as well as our Adoration is all in clear picture right before HIM. Our Dreams and all that has been our fears, our moments of sickness as well as our finest moments of being PURE. Our Saddness and our anger, and every moment we have ever called out for Him or ignored Him.

    I have found, and those that have known me get a chuckle out of it, but if you were to attend a family gathering with me, you would see us all conversing along and then you might, just might, notice me chiming on in with the voice that leaves me, my thoughts on whatever subject is being shared…and come to never be heard. I have been caught attempting to speak louder and even yell at times but to no coming to be heard in any way. Then in moments that I AM able to break on through for that lil moment, the eyes of my family mostly cloud on over and inside of me is my own chuckle wondering why I even spoke at all.

    Well, it used to bother me, it very much did and honestly, I know that I was heard more when I was not where I currently am with my emotions and such since my injury. This comes into play with us all being energy as it has been said in that only those of a same frequency can take notice or link up with such that is the same but it all comes back to GOD and HIS Purpose for me…for each of us.

    I AM a Seed Planter…we all are in part. Whether or not I AM taken into a conversation or completely flooded on out, I had very Deeply Defined and Laid out pieces for others to come to find and for those who already have, to take them up and define as their own and fit them in the ways that they can.

    Those who are Asking and Seeking and are Ready to LISTEN, Will. Those who are not ready or may in some way be guided by the LORD in an entirely other way, will not seem to take notice of what POURS from you but we are to share anyways. Each share Creates a new bridge, Creates a new layer of Threading that is to be built upon for HIS Purpose.

    We are Threaded with Intricate Possibility that is to Ever-Arise and BLOOM. Each PIECE of Our Truth and Good that is INSPIRED by HIS Path for us from HIS Word and Truth in what is to set this world NEW…Awashed and Blossoming.

    Maybe this is why I started writing when I was young as I found that place to where I could share the pieces of me that seemed to be brushed under the rug by so many others, the pieces that never seemed to be Heard, Seen, nor Understood by much any other.

    We are to Seek and Dig and Keep LOOKING until we come to find the way OUR Pieces can be best shared and best in fulfilling His Purpose.
    This is why I AM shifting on the FEELING of this Season again, this is why I AM taken all that has been my heartache and my distress for the past few months and laying it all at HIS feet as that is not my work in any way. I AM to find all the parts of me, I AM the ONE to come to SEE and HEAR and UNDERSTAND all the parts of me so as I can walk this path before me all the more in strength and for HIS Glory, all the more Confident with KNOWING Always that with HIM Here, I AM never alone.

    All can be so complicated (like my teens’ minds) but it is always up to us to Choose and Define, to Feel and to Seek and to FIND.

    Despite all any of us have lost over all our lives, it is time we Dip our toes into this river again and be swept up in being THANKFUL for all that HE gave us with THIS MOMENT. It is time for us to take all that the darkness tries to paint in its own way and speckle it with a Glow that can only come from His Name.

    With Love,

  • Flood these Waters

    Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths

    Again, as I do, I started this post days ago to (in the end) not share at all but again, it remained incomplete, and sleep had called…

    Tuning in at this moment, WIthin and Full Of This Moment, my classical playlist…MelodicElixir indeed. Freeing my newly found wounds and letting them be filled, flooded out again, and for My Heart to Beat On In what is My Truth.

    I just want to rest, lay down in the arms that hold me best. I want to dress my scars with a glitz and shine, bring them more fully obvious to the world that denies me at anytime, this strength that rings in me such as that which reigns in each of us from that of HIS Light that Shines on through.

    I want to dance yet, my feet refuse to move just as the whole of my system has come numb to the energy that (within Melody) Is Felt and all Inspiring.
    I have felt the innocence fall and the innocence robbed, taken away for what was thought to become of dark’s own. I have felt the Bright of my lil family lighten and slowly dissipate, with what seems, no way to resucitate.

    Yet, fear not, I do hold, as despite the unraveling around me and the faces of children that had forgotten how to Dream, including my own, a sadness yearns to break in me as paths in I carved out remain Open to all, the paths Jesus laid out remain Free to All, yet, it is always up to us as to if we shall walk them in any way.

    I cannot hold this world on my own, I cannot rush the rivers and start a flow that is to wash all that is of muck from out from the undertow. I have but little strength, though more than I know, to sit here in this space of mine, to be the one constant that my kids know until they do come to Open their Eyes just enough to recognize the Light, HIS Light, that has never left their side and that Flame shall set all the more burning bright as they take the steps to one day go on and continue to live, in full, their life.

    Now on to today…

    Well, here it is, the season of what is deemed Christmas Cheer and Joy and while I very much have felt a certain piece of this all of my years, I do see the now clearly, where this world has gone wrong with it all.

    Yes, I do know that Dec 25th is not the Savior’s true birthdate, as “Dec 25th only began to be celebrated for the birth of Jesus Christ during the 4th century after Christ. Dec 25th was the old pagan holiday celebrating the winter solstice and the birth of the sun god and celebrated when the days began to get longer. In Rome it was the festival called Saturnalia and later the Roman Empire baptized it and began to celebrate it as the birth of Jesus.”

    There are many discussions on which day it His birth is deemed that to have taken place (like the above website I referenced states Sept 11th) but again, it was not stated specifically in the Bible…though there have been many scholars and such that have tried to pinpoint the actual day.

    I Do Believe that this day that we have been taught to celebrate for all the years of our lives is in fact NOT the day Christ came about as I personally have never truly felt nor Believed it was as it was very apparrent that the day was merely an excuse for so many to raid stores and spill out all of their money.

    Harsh it may sound, but no…when we FEEL compelled to Celebrate that which is of TRUTH, HIS Truth, we will not have any desire to play into the ways of what has been Pagaen ideas.

    I have a hard time as I will admit that I did purchase my kids and some family gifts during this time, but I did so after much Prayer and inner work to Connect more Fully to what was HIS answer in it all as to what I should do.

    I cannot say that I Am right in this way or any of my ways, but there remains a Softness in and of me that has not dissipated and I AM still in that Peace that I long sought and can Fully Grasp during this time, so I Trust that I AM on the right path.

    I have caught onto and have been Poured on from what is of this Holiday Spirit but from those who you just knew were of His Light, of His Message through Light and Love. It is those people that I wish to run with in what is truly a spirit if LOVE, not the spirit that is of draining all that we hold precious and swaying us away from the true meaning of what is said to be this holiday time.

    Now…in my own life, I have come to Believe that while I honor and accept Jesus as My Savior and I keep my lamp lit and my flame burning for Him, it is through LOVE that I can come through this time in a way that remains celebration of the LORD…not these worldy things.

    My parents are almost here in that they are traveling for the holiday. I will say that this one of my mom’s favorite times of the year and while she typically spends much and gifts more than plenty (much less than she used to thankfully) she more-so adores the time she gets to spend with all of her kids just as my dad.

    While my parents have their Beliefs in the LORD from which they still have not shared much with me, I have seen the LORD come through for them in many ways that truly seemed impossible in all ways and I Believe this is so because they Believe Deeper than they say and show us all.

    This in no way means that this right as based on the Bible’s teachings, there is much we must adhere to and not hold apart in any way. We are to abide by His commandments just as we are to remain in fear of all that He can bring but also to not be fooled by all that is worldy as in having His Armour placed, we have no fear of the ways of this world. I will say, for many, the past few years have shown us just how much fear people hold of this realm and just how much many can be swayed from keeping strong their Faith in His Ways and fearing only the LORD, the One and Only, Almighty LORD, Father God.

    I go back and forth still on what I want and this is wrong. While I want to be Guided to and Allowed a place in HIS Kingdom, I have wanted to blas tthrough all that is of the dark here and Flood this terrain with the Presence of Him in every way. I have wanted to wash this realm clean enough that my kids are able to go out and build what is deemed impossible and live their Dreams as in this realm it is not always so easy a thing to do.

    The challenge that is this life has been a devastating blow to me but all the more, a Spark that in a way lit a fire under me. The crap of this world is what can be the perfect mix to push us to SEEKING HIM and wanting better, not just for ourself but also for all.

    His LIGHT Never leaves us and the more we are broken down and broken open, the more we can come to realize that He has remained with us all along and that we are never separate from His Grace until the moment we choose to rid it all by selling that which is our most perfect and Beautiful soul.

    We are not weak! We are not without nor having to suffer every step of our way. IF we turn in and SEEK Him Out, we come to find Him and we come to know that which is OUR Light and not only ours but HIS Truth, and we BLEED it on out into the world to flush all the shi* out.

    The more I come to HIM, the more I have been and CONTINUE to Be Blessed by that which is HIS HAND. The more I write out the Flow that Seeds up in me, Sparked, Fire, Flame… the more I come to KNOW His Dream for me. The more I come to dance and sing, lift my Spirit and Praise all that IS HE, the more there is an ever-opening of a river that flourishes Within Me, leading me to Knowledge, leading me to KNOW all that He wants me to come to know and Truly See as He Opens Greater that book of HIS alone for ME.

    I AM pulled in and led to the waters I AM and from there my head is lowered and into the Stream of Everlasting Dream I Become. I AM pulled by His hand alone to the path that I have Seeked and always hoped to know, a path of Bliss and Happy Being and HOME, a path of KNOWING and Devouring all that I AM to come to know of HIS Truth and all that is this damn clown show…this world and the sickness that has attempted to drown us out yet, from the focrce that is only set upon destruction and taking us down, down, down.

    I AM pulled into a Dream, a Dream Within HIS Dream, that FREES Me and Seeds Me with the Eternity of Softness Glow, Within the Eternity of all that I AM to become from my place of fallen knees.

    Look up to the skies and there are signs that shall be. Look up to His face, all that are Heavenly Sighs, and come to Embrace His Hand as it is YOU that He For Always Guides.

    Time to end the trail of un-requitted Love towards His name, time to measure up to the Possibility of all that we Truly came to Become, Heavenly, and of Pure Delight, Warriors of all that is of the LIGHT.

    We are to find that creek in us that FLOWS the knowing that we have longed for, we are to allow it to sweep its way through us and rid us of all that is and has been impurity, as Deeply it is a main component of Our Purpose, His Purpose for us, to stand tall and strong and with a LIGHT that fends off all the beasts of this dreary place, to Focus on Him and all that is the LOVE that flows through as the Breath of all that is our veins, every crevasce, every piece that has been intricately stitched up and sewn through the Greates Love that we are to ever come to Know, the Love of The LORD.

    Oh, HAPPY DAY, Break the dam already, let this river become you!

  • PoeVibes

    Just a quick poem that came to me (on my trip to the grocery store) to share. $80 for barely 2 small bags of groceries. Ha! What a time this is.

    Collide, I say
    these words that swell on up
    Fall from my mouth
    My tongue
    Salivating Flow
    Always to Become

    I do say as well
    Expose Your Heart
    Open, broken ribs
    and bones
    Open to Vulnerability
    Fall into the Flow

    Open Heart
    Chest Torn
    Lit on Open
    Fire and Breath
    FEEL the Burn
    Scorching Out
    as together we walk through this dark

    Never to be closed again
    Open Heart Adored
    Voice now extending from you
    Calling For
    Allowing In
    His Grace
    His loving arms
    God in all His forms

    Set Free the Wave. Focus HIGH, Focus Brave.

    With Love,




  • Up for Air, Dive Again

    Just wanted to add some more to look into and follow. Some for the dig, others for upliftment during these times and also let you all know that NO, I do not look to Trump as any kind of savior nor Elon, or any other here. I look to God through Christ alone.

    While I do Believe very much that a plan is taking place, I do not hold to any of it Within this realm. Nothing is of stone here, all can shift and change at any moment. I do Believe that I FEEL at Peace and at Ease because I have placed my full Trust in and Fear of the LORD Himself. and…trust me when I say that I AM one many would think should be worried given I AM deemed that disabled, single mom with a very distant extended family. Hmm…should I be sharing all of that here? I guess I AM brave enough. 😉

    Now is not the time to work on manifesting our best life nor focusing merely on our own self. This is a collective issue that effects the whole of us all, so we should all be willing to swim through the murk and get a little dirty.

    My past few years especially right up to the vi…rus I attempted to manifest so many good things for my kids and I to no avail. We were meant to be right where we are for this moment it has proven.

    Now, my parents may be coming back to this state early next year and my living situation may change again as well as location but that is still up in the air as well…all in all, I just trust that all is going to work itself out fine by God’s hand of course.

    The future (whatever that may be for each of us) is at stake for us all, but more-so the future for all of these children is at stake. Heck, I have witnessed and still live what the past few years alone have done to only my kids. It is time to burn all this shi* out.

    From Youtube:

    From Rumble:

    For some humor:…he says “black family’s on many vids, but all too relatable even with my funny no matter

    Must take these times serious and do our part but with a High and Strong Heart and Freedom of Spirit .

    Of all that has been and continues to happen, it amazes me how many can just sit passively and ignore all of this.

    c o v i d…both the so-called virus as well as the hospital treatment to the v a x shots
    puppet in the white house…how can this not be obvious already for all???

    proof after proof of all this planned, if one just looks (hidden in plain sight)
    so much loss of life due to the plan, sadly
    gas prices, oil, etc.
    grocery supply, food chain
    there were actually vids of baby formula during shortage being produced then driven to be dumped…again, cannot say all is full truth but seems likely
    so many food production factories going up in flame…hmm…
    J6 protestors still locked up yet, we free Britney Griner ( a basketball player who hates America) for what she did in another country and again left behind a Marine (who served to protect us all) …this on top of all those Marines lost at the start of this regime. Antifa, etc. destroyed cities, etc. and slap on wrist and let free.
    The file dumps from Twitter alone…imagine google and youtube as well.
    This is to just name a few.

    With Love,

    PS…almost forgot to add (though I AM far from being a foodie of any sort) my most awesome calming drink I accidentally made the other night. I went to have my hot cocoa to which I always add half water and the other heavy whipping cream and went to grab my vanilla extract out of the cabinet when I knocked over my old coffee spice blend which is a mixture of cinnamon, cardamon, and ginger. I just decided to add some to which I accidentally (again) dumped it on in. To my surpise it was very, very good. Frothy on its own and no need for whipped topping of any sort as it was just that good.

  • From which to Dive

    The FEELING, it comes to me in Whispers, you know…not so much a Raviging Flame that scorches all the inner workings of me. The FEELING it comes to me in the Moments that I AM not actually Seeking it at all. It pulls itself right on up as if to sit next to me and it not so much reaches out its hand to grasp my own but it lightly, ever-so-softly rests softness upon my fingers and carries the same on into My Heart.

    This FEELING, it never has left my side, not even the moments I ignored its presence, not in the moments that my eyes were so awashed in tears that I could not see anything at all…not in the moments that all else had turned and walked away and I, for that moment, began to notice that Voice Within saying that I was alone…on my own.

    This FEELING, though I abused it for so many long years, has held no resentment nor anger towards me. This FEELING has not shyed away from or hidden itself from me, from my Ocean of Emotions, from the changes that have taken place in me. This FEELING has held the Deepest and the most Unconditional Love for me that I have ever known, Always SInging to me of each day anew through each Breath I AM fed, each Beat I AM Blessed, and each rush of Blood that flows on through me.

    This FEELING through every moment I FEEL less than I had Wished I could have been, pulls me Closer and Suits Me Up In Armour so I can battle again. This FEELING pulls from me that Fragile kind of Beingness, that SIghing of Breath, and that Vision to peer out and Look To Wonder.

    This FEELING stands nearest me now, always reminding me from where I have come and all the steps I have walked so far from. This FEELING reminds me that I AM Worthy (as we all are) and just how much of a Gift my own life has been for this world and how My Path is far from over.

    The above I wrote last night and again, ended up passing out before I could post here.
    Now…New Day.

    Went to pick my kids up today as I did not want to drive in rain and fog over what had been a wreck-filled weekend last night and with forecast of more rain.

    Have yet to even start my Christmas shopping. Actually not that odd for me, as I usually am a late starter (at least since injury). This time of yeah has always been eh for me, for reasons I have yet to understand and too in trying to manage my money, I do not have a whole lot to just be buying everyone gifts.

    On top of that, the more I dive into the teachings of the Bible, I come to find the falsity and deception of what are many holidays here and so I Am struggling with that a lil too, I suppose.

    Anyways…leaving the me boat and on to greater and more important matters. Pieces of what is this Great Awakening folks.

    I shared very little before but as I had, it is up to you to dig and dig deep and far. It is all in plain sight, all of it…and easily found when we actually look.

    I go back and forth on Elon Musk but as God uses who He himself chooses, I AM enjoying the work that Elon is doing at this time during this push. Many had an issue with his devil-like costume which is his image for Twitter, but I think it is more in a mocking fashion of what is to go down…but I could be wrong.

    So, I shared Burning Bright and his blog ( On that same page, there are lists of others to follow or look into such as Clandestine and Patel Patriot, etc. I would look into all of them and again, use discernment and from there, Dive Deeper.

    I forgot to share this guy who I follow as well who brings together the happenings of this time in many different videos and truly again, is awakening the masses all the more as well. He goes by Scotty mar10

    The comedian used in this one is damn hilarious. lol And yes…cardi is a damn joke of no talent whatsoever, I must ad. Yuck*

    Scotty used to share on the tube but was, of course, banned by sharing what could be, rather is Truth. Freedom of speech and of creative sharing is as it should be, Free. It is one’s own choosing if they want to check something out or listen to the voice of any other.

    There is StarShipEarth which is another blog that I follow, but some pieces seem and can be hard to swallow…again, use discernment on all you take in.

    Pray, ask for Guidance, ask for Greater Wisdom and it will be provided.
    I realize that some or maybe many have had a problem with Trump in general and so maybe not on Truth Social, but again, that is part of using discernment. You do not limit your views to any 1 area…you dive in and look at it all, so get on there as I AM as well. On there I follow:

    Brian Cates
    X22 Report but have not really dove into his thoughts and such on a deeper level as I did not really resonate with the few videos I had watched prior.
    Burning Bright of course
    Clandestine…I resonate but some views had me sidestepping a little…still good to take the dive.
    Gregg Phillips
    KariLake…keeping up on Arizona
    Dan Scavino
    God & Country
    Kash Patel
    Ultra Pepe Lives Matter
    Praying Medic
    Project Veritas…THIS ALONE should wake all of you up and make you want to dive deeper.
    QAlerts…conspiracy theorists as more and more proof washes on up the shore? Ha!
    Q …yes, just Q
    RealBrysonGray…and his music too.

    Truly this fight is to save the kids and we should all be doing something in this war, (you do understand that We Are At War at this very moment, right?).

    We are to do the most we can, even if it is only keeping the peace and love Within our own homes and in such a way that rose colored glasses are tossed away and the road to truth and freedom is fully paved. Our most important duty is to search for and KNOW Truth and yes, this starts with God…read your Bibles.

    This post is a mess of sorts I AM guessing. No editing. Not going to look over…there is no time for that May have never had much time for such things with this mind. 😉

    If you follow, you kind of get my mind now, I think…is this even possible? 😉

    Happy Hunting, and Happy taking the steps into what is to be the Great Awakening.

    With Love,

  • Drizzle on Down

    Etched in Me, I Find a Spark of Light that longs to Breathe and merely BE
    I FEEl as well, a Song that at many moments seems out of tune but all the while Rises up and Symphonically comes to Full Magnificent Bloom
    Brokeness as it appeared all along, was neither or of dark’s winning play in any way, brokeness was the path that Opened for me to Allow me the choice to finally Fully Breathe
    to write again and again
    Beauty in every thread that He laid
    to write Beauty in the Blessings that would come to my attention
    even in all the moments that I bled

    Set out early today to ride within the pouring rain. Inspired more and more I had become, dripping wet each time I exited and reentered the car again. Hair once washed straight now has a hint of curl and my eyes are all the more clear, delicate surrender has taken hold of me again.

    Reminded again that the other day I was called “baby girl” by an older gentleman as I handed him my shopping cart as I had finished loading my car. Baby girl…hmm…it sparked a certain Feeling in me, one I recognized and felt as a rushing comfort bringing my Heart’s beats to ease.

    Today while out and about, I was referred to as the same by a guy a little younger than the last but again with a smile and a softness I seemed to know. Infantile this Heart of me, the Hyms and the Dreams it comes to SIng, rising in Beats in a Flow that is Forever Freeing and full of consistent let go. Baby Girl, such is a call I had known before, such is a piece that I recognize in myself and had long before came to know.

    Maybe from my youth. Maybe my mother or my father, possibly my grandmother for all I know, used to call to me as such and in that time, the evils of the world I had not come to know as I felt protected and hidden from all that was dark, innocence of a child left to Explore a world that wa sforeign and so unknown but actually, my mother was very protective (a lil over) and so exploration was limited in many ways.

    I do Adore being able to hear a song or live a piece of this life (both good and bad) and be Inspired to POUR, to Breathe on out and write either here or in any other place I can whether I share or not. I do wish to be more Creative with such that can be My Flow and bring about new sort of world’s and hopefully some day soon, some sort of Musical Creation but at this moment, I FEEL I would need some other(s) to work with me on such and well, I AM barely writing here so I AM just taking my steps as they come as best as I can.

    This life is far from pointless though at times it can seem as such, especially if one holds no Belief in anything outside of this realm, outside of their own suffering and pain. Life can be such a burden and overwhelming weight when we hold no shores of Hope and TRUTH in us, when we only allow wals to be built to further obstruct the LIGHT from what is our internal sun and of the Heavens that very well indeed do Shine and FREE us when we give way to relenting instead or resisting all that IS, we come to a very magical place not only WIthin ourself but as per our own place in this world.

    Yes…this world has turned (and had been) very sick, very dark, and very filthy. This is our work, to acknowledge this, to truly see it and Be A Witness and BREAK IT ON DOWN…Wash It Away.

    If we remain stuck in our pain and our broken perceptions of what all this is, we only come to further oaralyze ourself and open the gates for all havoc in our life to ensue. We have more control over what and how we live but no…we are never fully free of having to endure pain and suffering. That is just part of this life and part of our polishing up I say to turn Brighter and all the way more knowing of what TRULY Is Of HIS Light as the more broken and chipped away one becomes, the more fragments of Light come on through to Cleanse out our sickness and Bleed us Pure again.

    Inspired not only by the magnificent rain as it pours today, not only by the flow of the ride I took as wheels met the pavement and carried me safely to and from my home, but this song came on as I drove and though I never watched the show it is connected to (WestWorld?) I absolutely LOVE this piece. It is called Runaway by the Blue Notes and is the piano rendition.

    Such a FREEING Melody I say as it just peels back layer after layer and brings me to sway. Deliciousnessly Divine each and every line of musical composer, such a softness at play, a hintg of excitement and traces of Breath writing in a moment the possibilities of all that we can be. I don’t know, that is just how it Sparks in me…such that IS Of Dreams.

    People out walking today though it is pouring and if I was not POURING at this moment, I would be right out there with them. But watch from my window I do as people pass across the way, some wearing trenchcoats while others the bare minimum. Living their moment just to be a part of and FEEL and to be vulnerable to the conditions that is of the RAIN. Beautiful.

    Desolate skies of gray and clouds but a Light washed over still, leaving no shadows able to blot out the aliveness of this day. Desolate skies vulnerable for each of us to take our pens and mark them on up, to rewrite them in any way we choose, to dance and play and bring what is seen as desolation as detritus of LIGHT breaks on through despite any obstruction of view.

    I AM in no way one to cave nor give up my unique view of each day as through HIM, I know it is a gift that has and continues to serve me…and this world from which I remain living and Breathe. I AM in no way one to (nor had I ever been) allow a few drops or even a full washout of rain ruin my day. In my essence I AM found and more in tune with the mostly hidden (subtle whispers) life that never extends its own hand without first being sought out by me and yes, you.

    We have to want to see it all. We have to want to live it all. Dark and LIGHT, good and bad, truly full out Bliss and the depths of agony we are called to take on and withstand…we are all the more capable when we find and connect to some piece of our self that can in some way thread on out to that which is of Greater which is always some part of the Divine. Maybe that is only Love for some, maybe that is only a jolt of happiness for some others, but truly, we are kicked in the ass and pushed hardest when refuse to LOOK, just LOOK and take it all on in and polish it all on up in our own way.

    Each Breath that we each take in and exhale out is a gift in iteself and a part of our ability to not just LIVE but to also CREATE. Of course, through the LORD I must remind, as for the clearest and most LOVING path, it is only through HIM that such shall be laid out before us.
    I have wanted to give up so many times and yes, it is still appealing the moment I tasted as a reminder all that awaits us on the other side, but we must come to recognize that the challenges of this life are for our benefit no matter how harsh. We have to turn our meaning to the Greater and in doing-so, all is rewritten and the power of any side of dark diminishes as well, we live what we Believe on in.

    I AM planning on taking on new steps that I have not in all these 20 years. I was terrified and scared to years ago and at that time, I had came to losing my benefits anyways and what had been mine and my kids financial security if you can call it that. Reminding me again that I AM to trust nothing of this life to take care of me, to keep me afloat in the best of ways.

    The more I lost, the more I came to turn and come closer to again, God through Christ. The more I lost, the more my vision became clearer ane the more TRUTH rung put to and jumped out at me for me to TRULY and FINALLY SEE.

    Yes, this world can be a bag of shi* of course and bring us to ur knees and in some ways bring us to break in ways that we can come to turn away from that which is the LIGHT, away from the LORD.

    So much shi* happens here that we are weighed down, and distracted, broken apart and numbed to the TRUTH. This is what gets me as to how some cannot Believe when it is apparrent the enormous push that all that attempts to reign against such pushes against us, tries to silence us, and witholds the Truth, all TRUTH from us.

    Why else would those who practice their Beliefs be so deeply persecuted is there was not a threat of them doing-so to what is the dark’s agenda across this world?

    That alone speaks volumes, for me anyways.

    I do at times have a certain fear come up when it comes to my kids as I do think at times that I AM not doing enough and have failed them in many ways. I FEEL at times that (as my son stated recently) maybe I AM too late to do anymore good for them, to guide them in the ways that they Truly need to be guided, espeially in a world that keeps on shifting with extreme change. But…there is no giving up though I AM deeply imperfect in the ways I AM raising them.

    I do wish I would have done more and provided them more nurturing and as well as pushing in the ways that could have served their paths all the more for their best as well as the world but I do understand that it all serves no matter our timing, no matter if we Feel we fell short or not. It is not our timing that matters, but Always HIS and HIS alone. HIS purpose will be brought on through no matter as this is something far greater than we here have ability to comperehend nor even plan out for.

    Like, as I do every year no matter how well I plan, I AM always that last minute holiday shopper…though this year has been much more difficult as my Beliefs in that area in tune with Christmas, etc. has shifted as per going Deeper with HIS teachings. I AM finding my way as we each of us are to do each day NO MATTER what occurs as we are built for it all.

    I learned this with my injury all the more as I was strong in my own ways (more-so stubborn) but I was Deeply weak by what became my fears and my anger, etc. I continued to bury myself all the more with all my sabotage of any good that entered my realm and my abilityto survive was dwinding all the more, yet, here I AM 20 + years later…not living excatly as I had hoped, but Thankful for how I came through and have been able to sustain the life that I have for not just myself but also my kids. To have been able to survive also the relationshops that I had shared and not be beaten to the point of no return, to never forget again My Strength and My Ability to Know HIM and defeat anything that attempted to destroy me in any way.

    We come to that place of being Thankful for what we have and what we live in any way that IS and we come to that same place to by CHOOSING to SEE the Beauty in it all, which in many ways is seeing and KNOWING our ability Through HIM to get through it…that we are never alone in our walk.

    So, here it is another weekend on my own and I awoke to my front window leaking as the rain began to pour on through. I attempted to tape it up but to no trule avail and so, my journey out and about began again though it was said to be some harsh conditions to drive in come withn the next few hours.

    I braved it though and I was wanting to go and enjoy breakfast at a restaraunt but the one I wanted was all too full for my liking, so I ended up going to Jack (not the best choice I know) and having breakfast in my car as I sat in that old worplace parking lot again. Yes, it has been a long while since I had, but I wanted to enjoy the rain and allow it to tame itself a bit before heading back home, so I sat and watched the drizzling unload itself upon the world for about 30 minutes and headed out.

    Stopped at the Senders market on way back home to get some caulking for the window which thankfully I needed no extra tools for, and then again, the rain started to come to a downpour but the LIGHT remained enough to guide me on home.

    Sitting here now in my home, I have seen one ambulance blow right on by for the hospital exit and outside my prayer for whoever was in emergency, I Am brought again to offer my Gratitude for having been able to go out in enjoyment and come right on back through safely and soundly.

    Now, I guess, for now, I will cozy up on the couch with a blanket and hot cocoa and watch a movie…maybe. I Feel like my parents watching the Hallmark channel (more-so my mom…my father likes the drama of Lifetime if he has to watch, lol) and well, those Love stories as I just FEEL it adds to my ability to Believe in the Miracles that can be this life despite that huge gray and dark area.

    I just want to Pray and Dream and BE. I just LIVE to be Guided Further in what is HIS Truth and for all that is of Pure Love to be guided my way as well if it is of HIS Will to Be. I AM thankful for each moment of everyday that I can continue to Live and Breathe and Share in any way that I can and to Teach and Further Guide my kids to HIS Light and the fullness that Can Be this life in the ways that we Allow as long as we keep our walls at bay and allow Surrender to the Paths that HE may at any moment Lay.

    Ending here now with The Blue Notes rendition of Where is My Mind originally by The Pixies. As for my mind, it is definitely on a time out in this Pouring Rain kind of day.

    WIth Love,

  • Harmony of the Sea

    Attempting to pull myself into the depths of wonder again, listening in on Ice Dance yet, again, Feeling My Heart Rise and Drop in rhythm…meloncholy-like reflection Within the world’s mirror as it stands fragile, yet, tall.

    Attempting to sway in harmony and dance in the moments that hold this moment alone, pulled in time and again, this icy dew that strums the unfolding of a song that brings to me a moment of ardor laced in my veins it seems, directing me to eternal enchantment, guiding me to that place of calm, only ever Believed existent in Dreams.

    Always any of us can reach this place, just by one Surrendering to a word, to a poem, to a song…to a voice, the only one that could start and continue the beats of the Heart accord.

    Always any of us already exist in this place, it just takes that abandoment of any and everything that keeps you locked up and away, any and everything that yearns to or has any desire to take that which is your Voice away.

    Step out and Breathe, take in the air and allow it to cleave to you, strip you bare by undressing you, warm you up by taking hold and Embracing you just as you stand there, innocent, fair. No expectation, no rules nor anything asked of you, just a moment that you allow yourself Free and come to Recognize the Heart that is a part of you and all you Truly Are and can come To Be.

    Step out and dare to Dream, Dare to call on the LORD and yes, BELIEVE, dare to no longer resist and come to rest on your knees. Dare to come to that moment with wet, not dry eyes, and fearlessly drift as if to fall as it always either comes to an end or continues on afterall. Nothing to fear, nothing at all.

    Yes, I can Speak it and I can write it out when I allow myself to Be Free, I can dance it and sing it too if I Truly Am Open To See, and KNOW, and finally no longer turn away and Open The Door Labeled HOME.

    Yes, I can Rest and Rise Again the very next day. I can Paint a Vision so vivid that I no longer see any separation between Beauty and I. I can drift and fall and sink and drown again and again, and AGAIN without even letting out a single sigh.

    I can suffocate my Breath on out, I can silence my voice and Pour alll of my tears on out, I can Pray for Rain all the while Hoping the whole damn world will just go up in flame so that way, just maybe, we can all make the choice to Rise From The Ash the very next day.

    Yet, though it sounds so simplistic and easy, though it sounds magical and of pure ease, no one path is Written the same nor is any of that which has been lebeled one or another’s end.

    Here we are, to EMBRACE this unknown. To Hold Close to that of His WORD and that which is Love and part our own seas in every moment of our days by seeing always HIS Light in the near and distant haze. To bring the dark to LIGHT and place on full display as we stand them in line only to be Washed Away.

    We are here to separate the good from the bad, to separate the love from the hate but in such a way that we bring into Creation a whole new level that is not for play. We Focus hard and we Focus close and we Burn Within the hemisphere the mark of LOVE all the way across.

    To separate is not to judge nor rid any other of the good that can be of this life in any way as it is not our duty to judge, we serve only by keeping hold of that which is Our and HIS LIGHT and the Power that is Our Love in any way we can.
    We may drown but with a knowing that HIS Breath is Always Near and that we shall be recucitaed without fear.

    We may want to succumb to what has been loss and excruciating pain but we are to never lose sight of the strongest of threads that has woven us to complete in all its ways, we are to start new time and again with only LOVE setting our way.

    We are to right our wrongs and Forgive all others as well, but we are to know the boundaries from Ocean and Shore and the strength of and as to our own power in creation of and the ability against the waves. We are to know that we can only lead others to water but not make them drink just as we must know that sometimes love just isn’t enough for some but that this in no way writes us incomplete.

    We are to pave as we walk with confidence and a fearlessness that only we with HIS armour come to know in that we are ok, and we are Loved and Guided in all HIS ways.

    We are to love each moment, the good and the bad, and to never forget the moments that we have lived that has brought us to the place we are Within or near.

    I have come to find since my injury that LOVE is a very scary word for many. The dark oftentimes is much easier to accept as well, we seem to recognize such so much more as it is always present in obvious ways…attention seeking whore. 😉 Ha!

    We bring about and open the door to that which we call out for all the more…
    Now, God and that which is of the LIGHT, His and our own, is to be sought and meshed with and molded into the vacancies of our life, the spaces that we allow to empty and be free enough to welcome in that which is truly of the KiNG.

    Our moments of brokeness and those spaces shattered open again are to be filled with Belief that serves not only us in this life but all of humanity and all that is HIS plan for us all.

    Since my injury, I have asked little of any other. First off, my focus was on me healing and well, then taking care of my kids as I had them and healing all the more. Finding my notes and writings from times past during those years, I came to find that I was not in a good place with what may had been going on when it came to what was my fragile and unknowing and all too trusting mind. Yet, at some point, I moved on with kids in tow and now my 17 year old is telling me that for me to make anything better in this world is far too late. HA! (no worries, I do not talk openly with him of my relationship dramas, past nor what was present about 9 months ago, but he lived some parts of it so he knows and the ill of this world is far too apparent)

    No, No, No…each and every moment there is that opportunity to write all of this new, to bring our Heart out all the more and free up more smiles too. (this line is SUPER cheesy!) yuck. lol…seriously…so, so bad.

    There IS abundant sickness throughout this world but it is our job to Part that Red Sea. NO…this in no way means to ignore the filth and just live our own lives as my daughter keeps telling me to, but to do our part to bring it all out into the light and in that, WASH it all away by way of Opening Our Hearts and Allowing Better In and as for me that exists through Christ as well, it is HE that had already won long ago.

    I guess compare it to the idea of bringing a vampire into light. What happens? Ha1 There you go. 🙂 Ok, that was cheesy as well.

    You all can Believe whatever you want but you will LIVE what that Belief brings you to and through or even only follow to what will become your end. (that sounds like a threat now that I read it back, lol) SOOOOOO TRUE though, as what you Believe, you give power to Create in your reality. THE CHOICE IS YOURS.

    I AM not always consistent with all things (as you may have noticed) but I notice very vividly when I veer off from not only where I should be but away from the LORD. I do not see how others do not come to notice such in their own life but again, to each their own experience and timing.

    I admit again that I have been a little lost as of late but I Feel it due mostly to all that is going on in this world. I watched a video the other day speaking that those claiming to having any empathic ability is more truly a result of trauma.

    Makes sense in many ways, but again, in that it kind of proves again what I have been saying on breaking or being broken to allow more of that which is of HIS Light in and in turn, of course one is going to be more adept at understanding the energy that comes to and through them from not only their own self but that from others. Not everyone turns such brokeness for good, but we all very much can come to do-so.

    When one comes to that place of KNOWING HIM, it is brought out in us that natural ability to just want to help others in the ways that we can. And no, I have not excelled at this in any way as I had been overwhelmed with healing and with my kids and all I do there then too with what had been my testing ground relationships.

    8 years…much testing and healing indeed. If there is or is not a great purpose for me or that truest LOVE (to all I had to live) outside being the mom I AM and being here to raise my kids, I guess time will tell. (horrible sentence, I know. 😉 ) All in all, I AM happy to be here with my kids and to have them as such an important piece to my life, I AM Blessed to witness the Greatness they ARE and to become.

    Well…tired again. Incomplete this post is, I know, again. 😉 Ha!
    I need to shift this schedule of mine again….AGAIN. Sigh*

    Life Of Me, for now anyways.

    Until next time,

  • Resting, Writing, Dreaming

    String me up in Breath and Twine
    In Ivory Skies
    Twisted and Lavender Hues
    Teardrops and the curavture of Smiles
    Open Now are the Skies such as the Spark of Your Eyes

    Drop me on down but only to Open Arms
    Catch me when I Drift
    Catch me as I begin to fall again
    Place me with those lips you hold
    Drench me Within the dew that rests Within

    So…let me recall what I was to write here…hmm…

    Ha! Ok…now…keep with me.

    I never promised that this space would be stable and well, one idea focused. My mind has never been as such and even more-so all these past years having to bottle up a lot of the pieces that I truly Be in a means to survive again and again.
    NOW…I AM just excited in a way that the Shift is happening and that the tables are about to be turned over completely. I AM Feeling hopeful and joyous and well, in this moment (I remind you, lol) I AM in a moment of full out Bliss.

    I say I Am Feeling the world in a way but more-so I AM Feeling His Presence all the more. Yes, indeed, this world is waking up and will soon be Painted over Brightly in Color with all that is of the dark long behind us all, faded out and depleted entirely.

    I mean, this is how we are to do it. We find that certain piece that brings us to a level of Hope and KNOWING…just that FEELING inside of us that helps anchor that Belief that all is going to turn Good and that all is going to be alright. In this Feeling is more of a Connection to God that comes up and that is how you know that you are truly there…YOU ARE HERE and well, this means that you are red hot and right on to it all. You have crossed over the cusps of understanding and have Opened so Deeply that you are NOW able to Truly Seek and See and Know and Be an intricate piece to what is to be this new Beginning.

    I have struggled a lot lately but I kept pushing myself in the ways that I could. Maybe not so much with always sharing here and posting but I have kept myself afloat in this darkening realm by ways of resting and writing and Dreaming and Praying and Connecting all the more with The LORD and Believing.

    I bought an ebook recently also that will help me further understand the possible depths of my teenagers who align along the spectrum, so I can engage and understand them more fully and they Feel Heard, Seen, and yes, Understood by me as it has gotten harder since these teen years. I Felt very alone during mine and I AM noticing certain aspects with my kids that made me want to find ways to come towards them in a way that they would not so much fight or resist against and this book came to me, so starting there.

    You take a positive and you build upon it. You have a dream as you are sleeping and instead of Feeling it is out of reach or impossible, you take the Wonder it fed you and you build upon it.

    I AM not sure on all that is to happen in my life from here in this moment, but I AM Feeling better and so (when any of us are) I AM to Build upon this.
    Used to, I would question Feeling Good or any better in my life as I always expected the worse. For many years, I have Believed as I have stated as to the building upon it all but was caught up in trying to survive again by sharing my life with those who only sought to destroy me in many ways. Sounds harsh, but I have no better way to explain it.

    Maybe they cared in the ways that only they knew how (I do Believe this) but I fell behind on my progress in some areas in my life but yes, I did gain a lot of momentum and progress in other areas.

    Honestly having lived even more traumatic crap, I was built up all the more for this time in our world’s history. We all were built for this time if we are here in this moment. As for the many who past, I Feel they leveled up and are in His care now…but we…we have a job to do here and that is at least…keeping this momentum going.

    I have told all to turn to God and not sure if you all listened but I hope you have. If not, I hope you at least turned to Love.

    I AM not sure I Feel ready for all that is to come as I do suspect it may get a lil worse before full out resolution but I have no fear as that only will serve the downfall of not only myself but everything and everyone.
    We are to get the energy and the Faith of the world on High…Built On Up, and despite news, etc. we are pretty close.

    Hmm…may be that I have been dancing a lot more as of late too. That Always helps…so get to dancing, even if no other is looking.

    I have been Feeling better overall. My legs act up at times but typically linked when I eat too much sugar in a day or veer way to far off carnivore way of eating which I have not stuck too consistently. I got and my waist line has stubbornly let me know by remaining stuck at a plateau again.
    Anyways…I AM tired, so needing rest again.

    Just have to take the moments we have and break them on open to Reveal the Light Within.

    Just as the Moments I had to look at my past from what I recalled and not only realize the path of destruction I took but to come to find all the great Light that there was…even now-so despite all else as LIGHT never truly ever leaves, we just shadow over it with all that we can suffer through and live. Life gets too busy and overwhelming but we are to find that strength, that simple moment where we Push Open the Door and Look Inside as the Light Will Always Be Found.

    With Love,